Amy's Running Life

MY SUGAR-FREE STINT....

2012-01-16T14:13:00.002-05:00

So, I lasted about 10 days.

I rolled off the wagon, down four flights of stairs, and across into an abyss of chocolate covered cookies, hershey kiss pretzel m&m thingys, candied pecans, chocolate cake, ice cream, and.....

That's where this blog post ends...and I go eat the rest of those pretzel m&m thingys in the kitchen.

I just discovered that one cute little 13 month old hit the "turn off wireless" button on my laptop while I was typing this really long and eloquent post. And I lost everything except those first two lines.

So, I'm off the wagon. I'm frustrated. And I'm going to find some chocolate.

In the meantime, who wants to come over and show my toddler that since she's got $12,000 worth of toys in our living room, she does NOT need to play with my computer????

AMY'S RUNNING LIFE - THE SUGAR FREE VERSION

2012-01-03T09:35:00.004-05:00

Honey baked ham, chocolate covered pecans, whole wheat bread, blueberry Greek yogurt, granola bars, coleslaw, fudge, white chocolate covered pretzels, Ritz crackers, fried apples, blueberry muffins, tuna salad, Doritos, pretty much anything from Panera bread, cupcakes, salad dressing, gum, and cereal....

This is just a small list of the things I've turned down over the last 5 days.

Because they contained sugar.

Six days ago I told Troy that I was going to give up sugar in the New Year. He didn't have to ask "why?" He knows all too well what my addiction to the sweet stuff is all about. As a matter of fact, he's even coined a term - "my second pocket" - that's the place where all the desserts go when I'm too full to finish a meal, but not too full to have dessert.

This is not my first sugar-free stint. I've thrown around the idea a few times at the New Year, Lent, three months before bathing suit season, etc. Give up sugar for a few weeks, and then reintroduce it in moderate amounts...as idealistic as that sounds, it's not something I'm capable of. I usually make it about four hours after declaring a sugar-fast...and then I convince myself that this is too impossible of a task...too monumental for me to take on at the time...I tell myself "I'll just workout more."

But, really, it's not about losing weight for me.

I've been on a sugar-binge for the last 20 years or so. Other then gaining 55 pounds while I was pregnant, I've been blessed with the ability to eat whatever I want while my weight only fluctuates a few pounds up or down. So, really, this is not about losing weight.

It's about Brenna. And my new life as a role-model for her. I've been really cautious to make sure her sugar intake comes from fruits and other natural sources. She didn't even have any sugar in her first birthday cake (it was sweetened with applesauce). I just don't want her to struggle with sugar like I have.

And then I saw this video: I Ate All of Your Candy

And I got really really scared.

I mean, how did these kids get to this level? These parents seem like good people....they seem like parents similar to Troy and I. Could my kid be like this one day? Could she be truly upset, even hysterical...because her candy is gone?

It gave me a wake up call.

Like I said, I want to live a life of being a role-model for Brenna....I know I won't do everything right (did you hear she ate coffee grounds out of the trash can yesterday?) but I want to do the best job possible. It's MY job (and Troy's, as well) to make sure she has everything she needs, that she learns right from wrong, and that she takes her health seriously. And if it's my job to do those things, shouldn't I start by doing them myself???

So, I gave up sugar. Not as a New Year's "resolution" and not in an attempt to have "moderate" sugar intake (would anyone suggest that I become a smoker again, but just in "moderation?"). I'm giving it up because it's bad for me (it's bad for you too) and I don't need it. It's just that plain and simple.

Actually, it's plain but not that simple. I am ASTONISHED at the amount of things that have sugar in them. It's in EVERYTHING. And even some things that used to be sugar-free (Jif's Creamy Natural Peanut Butter), now have sugar in them. So, I have to read the label on EVERYTHING. I've had to ask my in-laws about the ingredients in the chili they cooked...in the cornbread...in the spaghetti. Troy got the ingredients "binder" from the management at Panera so I could figure out what I could eat (and it will never be a bagel again...). I've had to take my salad, dressing-free. I've been eating the worst tasting loaf bread on the planet (sorry Ezekiel 7 Grain Sprouts). Eating that stuff may make me never eat bread again. I've had to switch to the runny natural peanut butter. I even made a tuna fish sandwich yesterday out of Ezekiel bread, tuna (plain...no mayo), and a melted piece of provolone cheese. It was so awful, that I couldn't even finish it.

I've lost 2 pounds according to the scale. And my grocery bill will be shrinking as my list of "approved" foods gets smaller and smaller. Our budget for restaurants will probably shrink as well, because it's just easier to prepare a healthy and sugar-free meal at home.

And Brenna will never know the difference. Sure, eventually, she will figure out that her friends drink Coke and sweet tea and have ice cream 3 times a week. But, hopefully we will mold her to have enough self-esteem to make wise choices...to learn what moderation is all about (Troy will be a great example to her on this) and to be able to just say "no thanks. I don't like sugar."

I hope that some day I will be able to tell her about the "day I gave up sugar." It might not be as gut-wrenching as walking up a hill...three miles...in the snow...to get to school everyday, or as awe-inspiring as completing an IronMan event...but I will be able to say I did it for her. And for me. And for the rest of our lives.

So, what are you giving up this New Year? What changes are you making in your life? Or what changes have you made in the past that were the best decisions you ever made?

Happy New Year!

LET'S BE HONEST HERE....

2011-12-20T13:22:00.002-05:00

I've not been doing a lot of running lately. That's been pretty evident by my running log (I would be surprised if I hit 250 miles this entire year) and my lack of blogging (I tend to only think of things to blog about when I'm running).

I've analyzed, scrutinized, and just plain pondered about this. And the only thing I can come up with is that I lack the extra time it takes to get myself out there.

For example, yesterday, I began my day at 5:30am doing the WOD (workout of the day) at our local CrossFit. Then I headed home, showered, made breakfast and lunches for my two favorite people, did two loads of laundry, and unloaded the dishwasher - all before B even got up at 9 am (and for the record, no, she doesn't normally sleep that late but she's been battling an ear infection - that we had been blaming on jet lag - for 5 days). Got B off to MMO (mother's morning out), then headed to UHaul to pick up moving boxes (yes, our house is going back on the market), to the ghetto mall to pick up two Christmas gifts, the post office to mail birthday thank you cards (yes, the little rugrat turned ONE last week) and some really late Christmas cards. From there, I picked B back up, took her home, fed her and myself, put her down for a nap and commenced to cleaning out two closets - and a book shelf - and did 3 more loads of laundry. B got up from her nap, we went to the doctor where we found out she has had a raging ear infection (it was a well-visit gone awry...). Off to the pharmacy to pick up B's antibiotics...from there I headed home to get dinner ready. I prepared dinner, fed the rugrat and then gave her a bath. By now, it's 7pm. I cleaned up the kitchen, put said baby (I guess "toddler" is in order these days) down for the night and T and I had dinner ourselves. This was at 8:30.

I had intentions of running an easy 30 minutes because T was supposed to be home earlier than 8:00pm. But, work is important and I will never blame him for going out to kill something and dragging it home...even if it is at 8pm.

This is a normal day for me. I'm pretty certain with everyone's hectic schedules, I'm not alone in this. But, what do other people do? I could have skipped CrossFit at 5:30 but really, I'm actually enjoying it and am excited about the strength I feel from doing it. Besides, I'm not willing to run in the dark by myself - well, not around here, anyway.

I'm starting to wonder if I should just hang up running for a while...find some activities that are a little easier to manage around my schedule. I'm sure things will change, but for now, my windows of exercise opportunity seem to be really early in the morning or really late in the evening. And you know what? I don't love running enough to make myself run on the treadmill every single day. I just don't.

I would be interested to hear your opinion, suggestions, advice, or any words of wisdom you might possess....

SAVANNAH HALF MARATHON

2011-11-06T10:31:00.002-05:00

This time two years ago, I ran the half-marathon of my life...a nice PR of 1 hour 54 minutes and some change. This time yesterday, I was crossing the finish line of the most memorable half-marathon of my life....not the slowest, but not the fastest...but definitely the one I will never forget.

Let me preface this story with another story: when I was six months pregnant I thought it was a great idea to register for a marathon...the Savannah Rock n Roll Marathon to be specific. It was my body come-back plan. Train for a marathon and lose the 55 pounds I gained while I was preggo. Well, shortly after I had Brenna I lost the weight...without running. It just sort of happened. I tried to eat right, do a little Fit-Camp here and there, and on the occasion that I had nothing else to do, I'd run. Quickly, I realized that there was no way I was going to run the volume needed to complete a marathon and not have my legs fall off. So, I decided to "just do the half." That's what I kept saying..."I'm just doing the half...." like it was no big deal...

Because, really, I had convinced myself that if I could train and run a 1:54 half-marathon, then surely I could just go out and run a half-marathon when I had no time goal in mind.

At some point I convinced myself that I could also run said half-marathon by not training at all. Because, really, I've done it before...I can do it again, right?

Well, yes...and no...

It's true that I showed up for the race. And it is a fact that I finished. But, everything that happened in between...well, it was a comedy of errors...that seemed to get not-so-funny as the miles ticked by. I ran the race with my brother, Bryan. It was his first half-marathon and I really envisioned myself being his "coach." I'd talk him through the tough times and we'd laugh about silly things on the flat parts of the race. I'd convince him that he could do this and at the end we'd give each high fives and plan our next one. All that business about being his coach....first comedic event. He ACTUALLY trained for the race. As a matter of fact, barring a knee injury, he was prepared to run the entire marathon. His shortest mileage week leading up to the race was about 40 miles. 4-o-m-i-l-e-s. (It should be noted that I didn't even run 40 miles in an entire month this year.) In the end he turned out to be the coach, and rightfully so...he earned that distinction.

My second comedy of errors was the fact that I really didn't pack well for this race. I didn't bring gloves...the shorts I packed had never been tested in any run of distance...and the jacket that I donned...well, it's back at mile 2 somewhere...and it was not a "throw-away" running item. Actually, it was the first warm thing I purchased once I lost the baby weight. That jacket and I have seen some trying times, and it will be sorely missed...but that's what I get for not having a race plan. As far as gloves go, Coach Bryan was smart enough to bring two pairs...and those "not tested" running shorts will never be graced in a race again. At some point during mile 12 I really thought I probably had blood running down my legs from the awful havoc that was being wreaked on my inner thighs (yeah, I know...TMI).

Back to the race. Our corral finally got to the start line about 8 minutes after the official start of the race. I was excited and nervous and happy but still thinking with my Coach hat on....I was going to muster up the energy to get my brother though this thing!

It took me about 10 minutes and 18 seconds to realize I had made a huge mistake. We got to mile one and I felt awful. Everything from the tip of my Morton's toe to my hip flexors (both of them) were screaming in agony. I mean, really...places that I didn't even know could hurt, hurt. If I hadn't been running with Bryan, I think I would have turned around and headed back to the start.

It was that awful.

And I still had 12.1 miles to go.

I spent the next 10 miles trying to make the best of it. We stopped to walk twice, both times for 1/10 of a mile. Every time we would begin to run again, I wondered if my legs were going to make it any further. The pain would radiate from the inside of my feet, to my IT band area, to my hips, and then back to the bottom of my feet. I kept telling myself "I will n-e-v-e-r do this again." It didn't take long for the Coach role to be transferred to my brother. I beat myself up for a mile or so, feeling like I had let him down. I was supposed to be the motivating factor in this run! But, at that point, I'm not even sure I smiled for any camera shots and my "thank yous" to the volunteers were just mutters under my breath...

By the time we got to mile 11, I was toast. I could feel myself slowing down and there was nothing inside of me that could make my legs turnover faster. I told Bryan to go on ahead...I didn't want to spoil his race. He stuck by me, encouraging me and reminding me that we were almost done.

Mile 12 was the most painful thing I've ever done (remember that I had a c-section with Brenna, so I can't use the old adage of childbirth being painful..if only I had of had that morphine pump for this race!!!!).

I never want to revisit that mile 12 again. It was at that point that I realized I could have been in serious trouble. If there had of been one little obstacle in my way...a large rock...a piece of wood....an ink pen...I would have been flat on my face because there was no way I could make a sudden movement to dodge anything. Every part of my legs felt like they were crumbling underneath me. We also were getting past by the 1st, 2nd and 3rd place marathoners at this point...which did absolutely nothing for my confidence level.

We finally rounded the corner to see the finish line. I wanted to sprint so badly....my brain kept telling my legs to go...go...go...but my legs were rebellious. They just kept saying "screw you and your not training for this thing!" We finally crossed the finish line in 2 hours 21 minutes and some change.

It was over. Finally. I remembered to give Bryan the mandatory high-five. Heck, he really deserved a big sweaty hug for pushing me through this thing! We grabbed our water...and Cytomax...and fruit cup...and banana...and marathon bar...and bagel...and spoon...oh, and our medals too. I wish I had a picture of my loot. I grabbed some of everything even though I didn't even have the energy to peel my banana. I guess, in my cheapskateness, I thought I've paid for all of this, I'm going to take advantage of it.

And then...out of nowhere, I saw Troy & Brenna. She was in a backpack-type carrier and through the crowd, she saw us...she kept waving - and looking a little confused - but still waving. It made me want to cry...to see what I had accomplished...what I was capable of...and what I would never ever do again....

I'm back home now...rested...jogged and walked a three mile recovery this morning. Actually, planning my next race...the one I plan on training for! And I promise I will never ever ever ever ever try to run a distance event again without putting some thought into training!!

Thanks to Troy for taking care of Brenna (oh, side note: runners are noisy folks at 4am...loved the baby waking up in the hotel room for all the commotion going on outside of our door)...thanks to Bryan for pulling me through this...thanks to Run Coach for calling me like it is - I'm a knucklehead...

2011-10-09T19:08:00.002-05:00

Ummm...wow...so I didn't mean to take 2 whole months off.

Actually, I meant to throw in the towel altogether on this blogging thing - motherhood is calling for me to give up a few things - until I walked into the church nursery this morning and one of Brenna's caretakers said "hey, so I'm running alot now...like 6 miles yesterday and I was trying to find out what I should be doing...and hey, I stumbled across your blog."

Seriously, every time I consider shutting this thing down...someone tells me they've discovered my blog. Every. Single. Time. It's just weird.

So, what have I been doing for the last 2 months? Well, in no order of importance my life can be summed up like this:

- Cleaning up poopy diapers
- Cleaning up poop on B's clothes
- Cleaning up poop that transferred from B's clothes to mine
- Cleaning up poop off of my favorite $9 watch (only after I retrieved it from the trashcan...so frustrated with the amount of poop I deal with that I figured it was easier to throw the watch away then clean up more POOP)

I know, people...it's an exciting life I lead.

Running has been...well, as existent as it has been since I found out I was pregnant...which is pretty non-existent. Funny thing is, I'm still signed up for that marathon in 3 weeks. I've decided to back down to the half...and I think I've run a total of 13.1 miles in the last 3 months. Sad, isn't it?

I'm just bored with it. I don't know why. I'm reading a book about such things, and have decided that it's time to try something new.

So, I'm hiring a nanny that will have the sole job of changing poopy diapers (just don't tell Troy, okay?)

No, really, I've decided to give triathlon a whirl. Yeah, yeah...I know I don't know how to swim...or even like it for that matter. But, I'm hoping the whole "I hope I don't drown on an open-water swim" will be just the challenge I need to get my fitness kick started again.

I'm also thinking about doing some sort of body cleanse. No, not in the colonic sort of cleansing way...I've just felt so craptastic the last few weeks and I'm wondering if any of it has to do with my diet. I feel like I need a reset and maybe a 21 day cleanse will do the trick. So, if you have any suggestions on that sort of thing, shoot me an email.

So, there you have it...being a mom (and oh, yes, loving every minute of it!) and pretty much nothing else.

Hmmm...maybe next time I decide to post, I'll have something more interesting to say!

HOW TO NOT TRAIN FOR A MARATHON...BUT RUN ONE ANYWAY

2011-08-12T14:05:00.003-05:00

It's become quite a comedy around here...this marathon training and all...if you want to call it that.

Well, what do you call it when the marathon is in 3 months and it's been almost 2 weeks since you've run? Is that still called training? Or is it called a death wish? 26.2 miles all in one day...I think that was about what I ran all of last month.

I should have let Karate Girl write this blog post...she's a queen of showing up to run a marathon on little or no training. I think the "little or no training" is actually part of her training program. And it works...she finishes every time.

For me, though? I know exactly what my problem is. I know I will be running this entire thing with my brother...I also know what pace we will be running it at...and I know that I can do that on little or no training. I think that's what most people call "being a slacker." I have never been a slacker in my entire life...and I really think trying to run 26.2 miles slightly under prepared is not the time to start seeing what it feels like to be a slacker.

On the other hand, I tell myself (often) to give me a break. Like I said, I've never slacked on anything in my life...but I have convinced myself that this running gig is something that I can slack on because 1) I know I can do it regardless of how unprepared I am and 2) I'm sort of enjoying being a renegade - could I possibly be motivated to be a slacker? I mean, Mrs. Straight-laced, do everything the right way, in the order it should be done, with extreme perfection - well, it's a little liberating to think "I haven't run a long run in over 2 weeks...and I don't really care." 3) and please don't kill me on this one...but I've actually lost more weight in the last two weeks then I have all summer (and it's real live fat, not muscle)...really - could the key to losing weight be to just not run at all? That's doubtful and I'm sure you coaches out there will have a reasonable explanation for the weight loss sans exercise - but for me? Now? Well, it's almost like having my cake, eating it, not exercising, AND not feeling guilty about it. If that's not motivation to not run...well, then I don't know what is.

Maybe I just needed a break...another really long break. Or maybe I need a new sport. For all the running that I don't do, I truly do love it. There is nothing finer then a good long run...sweat drenched...legs aching...a big glass of chocolate milk...really, there are few things that are better. So, I know - thinking about how much I do enjoy it - that I'll get those running legs back one of these days. If not today, certainly by November 7 when I'll be forced to put on my happy face and just run.

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REVIEW: FlashBrite Reflective Stick-On Patches - It's all about Safety

I was recently contacted by John from FlashBrite Reflective Patches about doing a product review. Since I haven't really been running much, much less in the dark, I decided to give the product to Stacy - the Director of Ops at our business. The reason she works for us (besides being so awesome) is that she gets up at 4am most mornings to get her run in. She's a machine. A machine I wish I was sometimes...at any rate, she kindly took the request and began wearing the patches on her reflective vest/gun holster (I just added that last part in - because really...you don't want to mess with Stacy on her morning run). She wore them for a month or so on her reflective vest and really liked them. Said that they worked very well when she encountered oncoming traffic - and that they worked better than her vest. They truly were visible from 1000 feet away, as their website indicated. Unfortunately, they washed off when she washed the vest - but at a retail price of $3.99 (she sampled the dog prints patches) - it would be worth it to purchase a new set every month. Your safety is worth $50 a year, right?? Check out their website www.flashbriteinc.com or their blog at http://blog.flashbriteinc.com.

END OF AN ERA....

2011-08-01T10:36:00.002-05:00

Life has changed quite a bit since the little munchkin arrived. Most everybody said it would, but no one could have prepared me for the sheer magnitude of change coming my way.

Did I ever mention that I hate change?

Oh well, life has been GREAT the last 8 months. And a little rocky. I've been trying to figure out what I'm doing, when I'm supposed to do it, and how it's going to get done...for the last 8 months...it's tiring just thinking about all the thinking I've been doing.

A few things that haven't been getting done: blogging, running, showing up at races, cleaning my house, spending time with my husband without talking about A) work or B) how I can't get anything done.

A few things that have been getting done: teaching a cute little baby how to eat, speak, roll over, crawl (that one hasn't happened yet), be a good citizen, and how to smile at everyone she meets; jogging (which is different then running); changing poopy diapers; and on occasion, making sure my husband has breakfast and/or lunch and/or dinner.

I've finally decided that I'm not super-woman...despite what I've led you to believe...I just can't do it all...and do it all to my high standards. And I'm willing to compromise on doing things, but not willing to compromise doing them all the way, and right, on the first try.

So, what I have I done to become less Super-Womanish?

I hired a cleaning service. As I type I can smell the fresh, fresh scent of a clean house wafting it's way to the basement. I love to clean, don't get me wrong, but if I can't do it all - the right way - then I'd just assume farm it out to someone who wants to get paid to do it the right way.

I emailed the Track Club and told them I didn't want to be the Treasurer anymore after this year. I've already received one email pleading with me to change my mind. I figured that would happen...I'm just that good...okay, maybe not that "good"...maybe more like "no one else wants the job." Which is funny to me because honestly, it's the easiest job in the world (and I'm not just saying that because I want a replacement.) I mean, really, it's writing checks - making deposits - and entering it all into Quickbooks. There are the budgets, but they are just based on the prior year, so really it's just plugging numbers in on a spreadsheet. The most time consuming task is the annual tax return...again, just plugging numbers. So, that was my sales pitch. I hope it works on someone because after three years of doing this, I'm ready to move on!

I've decided to stop worrying about how many miles I rack up this year, how fast (0r slow) I run, and how many races I attend. I just don't care about all of that anymore (I know...gasp!). I'm having fun training for this marathon with my brother. It will be his first and it's exciting to see him excited about it. I remember that excitement for the first marathon like it was yesterday. I wish every race felt like that! Unfortunately, I'm not able to keep up with our rigorous training schedule. Some days Brenna will nap and I can get a run in, and others...well, it just doesn't happen. I'm tired of beating myself up about it and just run when I can, at the pace that feels comfortable, and just enjoy the run.

I thought about giving up this blog. And I'm not totally over the fence on that one. Seeing as how I'm not participating with Team POD anymore, how I'm not really running anything extraordinary, and how I just really could care less for having a competitive spirit...well, all of that leaves little to blog about.

Our business is busy - we hired two new people just last week. That's a great thing...but we are still busy and the business will always be time consuming - that's the nature of working for yourself. And I'm totally okay with that. I like to work hard. There is nothing in that arena that I want to, or need to, give up.

I'm just ready to move on to new things in my life...with my family...making lasting memories by spending quality time together...all three of us...I'm ready to stop making every day so dang busy. I guess, for lack of a less cheesy term, I'm happy that this is an end of one era of my life!

FEAR OF RUNNING

2011-07-07T10:32:00.002-05:00

I am typically not fearful of running...I mean, I don't like running in the dark, mainly because of what I'm afraid I might step on (ie, a snake). So, my traditional time that I love to run is early morning...just as the sun is coming up...while everyone else is still asleep or just waking to get ready for their day. That's my time and I've come to really love it.

Until this happened.

It has rocked our small town and shaken everyone with a heart to their very core.

Now, let me be upfront. Our little, quaint town has a crime problem. I'm not going to deny that. Burglaries, robberies, and even murders are a daily occurrence here. And while I always took necessary precautions when I was running (ie, don't mess me with me unless you'd like to be maced with a heavy dose of bear spray, or if a bullet to the chest sounds like fun to you...well, you get where I'm going with that). I was never really too fearful of our crime problem because 99% of it occurs in areas that I wouldn't run, much less drive during day light hours. It's typically peer violence...men and women brought up in broken homes with no real role models. Boys and girls who get involved in drugs at a young age, have babies at an even younger age...and again, no real role models to get themselves out of this cycle of crime and poverty. Your town has those areas, and so does ours.

But, this crime? Those apartments that they found parts of her body at? Yeah, I ran past that apartment complex twice on the Monday between the time she last talked to friends and family and the actual discovery of her body. TWICE people. And on a typical week, I'd run by it at least FOUR times. I mean, this is my regular running area. It's so peaceful in the morning hours...traffic is light...sidewalks abound...the views of the historic homes, the Law School, and finally when I crest Coleman Hill...I take a deep breath and enjoy a gorgeous view of the city, and the rising sun, and I've even stopped for a quick prayer...discovering that route, well, it's been one of the best things I've done for myself lately...and after I take it all in...reminding myself of how blessed I am, how great life is, and how wonderful a good run feels...well, then I descend the Hill to land right in front of these apartments.

It has shaken me beyond what I ever imagined. I know the family has so many questions. I can't even begin to imagine what they are going through. According to all accounts, she was a bright, energetic young woman with a future ahead of her that most people just dream about.

And that makes this whole situation even scarier. There are no motives. The police are being very vague. While there are "persons of interest," there are no suspects. Heck, they haven't even located whatever body parts were missing. Until the police make an arrest, I won't be running down there. Or anywhere in this town by myself. It just scares me to think that there might be another Ted Bundy or Charles Manson out there and that he or she might be lurking in the shadows of my small town.

So, until an arrest is made...a motive established...I think I'll just choose the treadmill in the quaintness of my basement for my solo runs....I'll continue praying for some sort of healing for her family and friends. I'll continue to pray that our police department, working night and day on this case, will have some leads, establish a motive, and make an arrest. And I'll continue to pray that this sort of thing doesn't happen to anyone else.

BACK TO MARATHONING...OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT...

2011-06-24T09:07:00.002-05:00

Well, I hit a new PR (personal record) for days without posting to my blog...30+...a new record. While I'd like to be ashamed of it, I really could give a hoot less. I've been busy peeps. Chasing after a baby who constantly demands my attention, getting a little bit of work done here and there for our business, and trying to run on a semi-consistent basis...well, it all keeps me pretty overwhelmed. I had to come to the beach just to get an opportunity to update this blog!

Oh, and I know!

I just said "RUN."

It's true. I've become much more consistent in my running these days, even logging as many as 4 runs per week. I know...it's small, but it's a start. My hope this week is to get it to 5 days a week and stay there. Forever. I will never take time off for running again. Unless I'm medically required to do so. Or I find something I like better than running that still allows me to eat German chocolate cupcakes and not gain any extra weight.

And....drumroll please...

I decided to run the full marathon in November, as opposed to the half. "Why?" you might ask? Well, because I come from this long line of people who do what they say they are going to do. I'm also just OCD enough that it will drive me nuts that I planned for the full and didn't do it. In other words, I want to be able to mark "run another marathon" off of my list of things to do. I'd also like to mark "run another marathon AND have a PR" off my list. And really, if I average a mere 11 minute pace, well that little PR dream will become a reality.

Oh, and I told my brother I'd run it with him and that would be very uncool if I backed out on him.

Now to the "how" part of this marathon training. It's going to suck...I won't lie about that. It will consist of alot (okay, all) runs done at the butt-crack of dawn...ie, 5am or earlier. Yeah, sounds like loads of fun, huh???? I've been practicing for the last few weeks, running all of my runs while everyone else (including my husband and child) are sound asleep...still having visions of sugar plums in their heads. But, it works for me. I've been able to be nothing, if not consistent. And really, there is something magical about running at the wee hours of dawn.

Okay, that's all you get for now. Brenna is up from her morning nap and we have a date with the beach!

BTW, it's my birthday so I expect you all to have a GREAT day!

NOTE TO SELF

2011-05-19T16:10:00.002-05:00

For some reason I don't feel like running very much. I'm not entirely sure why. I'm still exercising and loving getting back to FitCamp...but running...yeah, not so much. Maybe it's because my options are to run pushing the stroller or run at the butt-crack of dawn on the treadmill. Neither of those are very exciting. It's been tougher than I thought it was going to be...with having a husband who may start work at 9am one day and 6am the next...and evenings...well, completely unpredictable. Today, his schedule has him down to finish his last appointment around 4pm...but that didn't take into account the 4 hour repair that he needed to do because our route technicians couldn't get to it time. So now he'll be home sometime after dark.

I'm not complaining.

Just saying that it's alot harder than I thought it was going to be.

And that, for a change, is all I have to say.

CHANGE OF PLANS....

2011-05-13T14:57:00.003-05:00

My, my how time flies….I’m five months into this Mommy-gig and I still haven’t gotten it together (note: while I’m very aware that it might take me 18 years to get into a routine, I’m going to be in denial about that for as long as I can get away with it.)

I keep telling myself that I will get it together once I get my priorities straight and shed some things from my to-do list. When I think about shedding those “to-dos”, sadly, my blog always seems to be on the chopping block. I tell myself “why bother? No one wants to keep up with someone who is only blogging – at best – once a month!” And then…then…I run into some random person…some person who I would never ever begin to think that they read my blog…and they say it…”I just love reading your blog!” Or, even better, when I get friended by some celebrity (to me) on Facebook…and I know…the only way she found me was through my blog….well, peeps, that’s when I realize blogging has got to become a priority again…right there under “change Brenna’s diapers.”

Well, maybe not that high on the priority list….

When I was planning my post-baby weight loss schedule (you know there is one, right???) I decided running a marathon would be the PERFECT way to get my body back. I had a couple of people (okay, maybe one…maybe KURT) tell me that it might not be possible to get all those miles in and take care of a baby. I thought to myself “he obviously doesn’t know me that well!” I mean, really? I’ve got a great, athletic husband who is completely supportive of my running endevours…I’ve got a great group of friends who are lining up to push the stroller for me…and I’ve got DISCPLINE. Who does he think he’s talking to????

Well, Kurt – you obviously know me better than I know myself. Because, guess what? Regardless of having this fabulously organized life, I still haven’t been able to make a 90 minute run happen.

I’ve realized pretty quickly that Brenna’s threshold for being in the stroller is about an hour. I’ve also realized that my ability to push the stroller (and still maintain something less than a “hunch-back” form) lasts for about 45 minutes. I could run at 5am before Brenna gets up but then there’s that whole safety factor (and all those people lining up to push the stroller are NOT lining up to run with me at 5am). I could run on the treadmill in the basement…but…oh my…I’d rather have my toenails surgically removed with no anesthia then to run on that thing for longer than an hour.

What to do…what to do.

Well, first I’m going to celebrate the fact that while my body is not necessarily shaped like it was pre-Brenna, I am officially at my preggo-starting weight* CELEBRATE!!!! It took me exactly 5 months. And I didn’t have to run a marathon to do it. (*I gained five pounds after coming off of half-marathon training in late 2009, so I really started the preggo business at a +5 on my normal and comfortable weight…and that +5 has to go along with the rest of the baby fat.)

So, while I didn’t have to run a full marathon to do it, I DID have to run consistently and start a regular regimen of Pain of Cain (PoC). Actually, once I started running “regularly” and got back into regular PoC, I shed four pounds in five days. Yeah, I know…don’t hate me because my body responds to sweat and hardwork.

At any rate, I am really going somewhere with all of this (if you haven’t already figured it out by now). Since I realized that I CAN lose the weight and get into shape WITHOUT running another marathon…well, I’m bailing on the full marathon in November. I know. I know. I was supposed to be some sort of role model for other would-be marathoners…and I’m not saying I won’t ever run another one again. I think I’ll just wait until Brenna gets in school and I will have a little bit more “me” time. I feel really bad for all those people I ~~convinced~~, ~~coerced,~~, who decided a marathon was an attainable goal for them and that I may or may not have said I’d run with them. But, when they cross the finish line I WILL be there to cheer them on because I’m not bailing on the whole thing…oh no…my obsessive compulsive disorder wouldn’t let me throw the entire thing out the window…so, instead I’ll be running “just the half”. All 13.1 miles of it. And because Team POD doesn’t do anything lightly, I’m planning on a big PR. Like shaving whole minutes off of my previous time of 1 hour 54 minutes.

So, there you have it…getting my priorities straight…realizing my limits…and backing out of unreasonable goals I’ve set for myself.

Now, if I could only figure out how to back out of the things I must do, but don’t really want to…like laundry…changing poopy diapers…putting gas in my car….well, then I’d be in business!

WITH DISCIPLINE, THERE IS NO NEED FOR MOTIVATION

2011-04-14T08:42:00.003-05:00

I have been asked quite a bit lately how I got my running legs back...how I shed some (not all) of my baby pounds...and how I make time in my busy day for exercise.

I usually start my answer with a laugh...because if they really knew how unmotivated I am - most days - they wouldn't have turned to me for a response. After I gain my composure, I usually fess up that I'm really unmotivated and it takes every inch of my being to make myself put on my running shoes and get out there. I always think honesty is the best policy, even if it does make me look like a lazy sack of potatoes. Every person who has asked me about this has been really surprised to hear that I'm unmotivated. I guess I give off this vibe that I eat, sleep, and dream in my running shoes.

Just for the record - I don't sleep in my shoes but I do dream about them alot.

RC's philosophy on motivation, and more importantly, discipline, can be summed up in one of his famous quotes. He's got a lot of them...some are great - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"...and some...well, some make me feel like kicking him in the shin. For example, "you make time for the things that are important to you." He uses that one when he hears someone (usually me) complaining about not having enough time to run. To him, and Team POD, making time to run is done because it's important to the runner. If you polled all the members of Team POD, I bet most would say they run for the fun of the competition (even if they are only competing with themselves) or the fun of accomplishing a lifelong dream of running a marathon, posting a personal record at a specific distance, or beating their husband/wife/son/best friend/etc at a local race. Team POD eats, sleeps and dreams about the importance of running. Because they make the time for it (because it's important to them), it becomes a more of a matter of routine and discipline and less of a matter of being motivated to do it.

It didn't dawned on me until last night (after having yet ANOTHER conversation with Troy about how I can't get everything done that I want to), that if you have discipline, motivation is not issue. In other words, you don't have to be motivated to do something if you are disciplined to make it a part of your routine. So, all those times I wanted to kick RC in the shin for saying his famous statement (and once, I wanted to kick Marcus in the shin for repeating it to me), I should have been REALLY listening to what he had to say, rather than just taking the statement at face value.

Because have you met me before? I am one of the most disciplined people I've ever met. I know that's not the most humbling statement that has every come out of my mouth, but it's the truth - and I take great pride in it. When I was studying for the CPA exam, I got my rear end up every morning at 4am to study for three hours before going to work. When I was in grad school, I did the same thing. When I decided to be done with debt, I cut my spending to next to nothing to get it done quickly and painlessly. When I decided to run a marathon before my 30th birthday, I put together a schedule and did it - even with having no prior running experience.

I truly love the fact that I am disciplined. Because of my discipline I have been able to accomplish alot of things that I might otherwise just dream about (as a side note: I'm not a "dreamer"...if I'm going to daydream about something, it's going to be something practical, like how I would have our home remodeled if it doesn't sell.)

At any rate, my point here (and don't you love that I'm actually getting to a POINT) is that I shouldn't have any trouble making time for running in my everyday life. I've been totally over thinking it...thinking that motivation comes from "enjoying" running rather than accepting the fact that motivation comes from being disciplined - and subsequently when you're disciplined to accomplish a task there is much enjoyment from succeeding at it!

Holy cow - how come I didn't think of this before?

So, now we've established the fact that I'm disciplined. But how do I fit running into my daily schedule? I've got this whole new job called being a "mommy" that monopolized most of my day. In addition to that, I've still got my other jobs - being a wife, cooking dinner, being the CFO for our personal and business lives, doing laundry, being the treasurer for our local track club and our local Komen affiliate, spending time with family and friends...the list could go on.

I know I hate running in the morning. Besides the fact that I'm scared to run in the dark, I'm much better at using my morning hours for business related things. I hate running in the evening - see the whole bit about running in the dark - add in the fact that I'm exhausted by 6 or 7pm. So, it looks like I'm more of a mid-day runner. Which sucks equally as much as the morning or the evening because...hello...have you ever been in Georgia during mid-day? Can you say "100% humidity?" But, what doesn't kill me will make me stronger....or at the very least running in Saharan-like temps will make me skinnier.

So, from this day forward I'm going to make running mid-day a part of my routine...just like taking a shower, flossing my teeth, feeding the baby at regular intervals, and eating dinner. Even if it's hot. Even if it's raining (hello, I have a treadmill in the basement). Even if it sucks.

And the next time someone asks me how I can be so motivated to run everyday - well, I'll tell them it's not the motivation you are looking for...it's the discipline to do the things you enjoy that you're after.

BABY FAT

2011-03-14T10:22:00.002-05:00

How come when you talk about "baby fat" on an infant it's cute and cuddly and super-sweet, but when it's in reference to the post-baby pudge I'm carrying around it's suddenly gross and unflattering? Making "baby fat" cute on an adult...now there's a task.

On the subject of post-baby pudge, I'd like to publicly cuss Bethany Frankel. Love her show...really, I do...but it's when I find out that my dear husband was watching an episode yesterday...and it just happens to be the episode where she's parading around in her bra and some jeans...and then he has the NERVE to say "wow, I was watching this show earlier and she was chest-bumping some girl in her bra...and did you know that she just had a baby too? And did you know that she doesn't look like she just had a baby? Actually, she doesn't look like she could have ever been pregnant?"

*Side note: Troy might not have said that word-for-word, but you get my point. I get in trouble for "exaggerating" but I can assure you he DID say she looked like she had never been pregnant at all. I assure you.

At any rate, it took everything I had to not haul off and hit him. He should be thankful that he went to cut the grass and gave me a good two hours to cool off...on the treadmill...for five miles.

*Another side note: it doesn't take me two hours to run five miles...geez, give me some credit - I'm not that slow! I changed baby, fed baby, and gave her her pacifier 47 times in the process.

So, this whole "Bethany looks like she's never had a baby" thing has really got me thinking. How did she do it in such a short amount of time? Did she workout 8 hours a day and starve herself in the mix? She's been quoted in the media as "eating in moderation"...in other words, she says she has her cakes and french fries and lattes, and eats them too. But how can you get so dang skinny and still eat that crap???? I just can't figure it out...and it's driving me bananas.

I have to be honest: I'm not complaining. I've dropped 33 pounds in three months. And I've not really "given it my all" in the diet and exercise department. Truthfully, if I had of only gained the "recommended 25-35 pounds" I'd be a lot closer to my goal weight...but then I wouldn't have been able to sample every type of cupcake Fountain of Juice makes, now would I?

But I'm just curious - how did Bethany do it?

I know I've not got much more to go. Again, not complaining here...just an observation from a post-partum Mommy who REFUSES to spend another dime on clothing that may be one or two sizes bigger then everything I already own.

BRENNA'S FIRST 5K

2011-03-10T17:20:00.004-05:00

I'm never going to get back to this regular blogging thing...ugh....how do you people do it ALL?????

Well, aside from my inability to find any sort of routine in this new life, I have been running...inconsistently...but running nonetheless. Let me rephrase that...I've been doing more of jog-half-walk-sometimes-bolting-into-a-sprint-only-to-realize-that-I'm-really-out-shape sort of running. But, as my waist can attest, the little bit that I'm doing is working.

I finally found a jog stroller that I like...that I like enough to jog with a 2 month old anyway. Don't even get me started on how many there are to choose from, which features are handy and useful, and which features are just really lame (really? four cup holders on a jog stroller?). At any rate, I settled on a Baby Trend mainly because it has an infant carrier insert that Brenna can sit in until she's big enough to not slip out of the bottom...and well, in case she hasn't figured it out yet, she's probably not going to be a really big baby. Ever.

With new jog stroller in hand I began going to the track or the River Walk a couple of days a week. Brenna loves it. She gets to experience fresh air, look at the sky, and as far as she can tell - Mommy can run fast.

It didn't take me long to decide to enter a road race. I mean, heck, the last race I entered it took me almost 50 minutes to waddle my way to the finish line. Surely, I could finish this one faster than that....and I'd get props for pushing that stroller, right? So, with my common sense flush in my back pocket, I decided to run the Al Toll Memorial 5k.

I just forgot to tell myself about this big hill....

(Thanks Jacqueline Hunsicker)

Yeah, I know...I'm an idiot sometimes. But, since I had already started the race when I remembered that I would be pushing a 15lb stroller and an 11lb kid up that hill, I couldn't turn around. Well, actually, the thought did cross my mind...who would have the audacity to say something to the new Mom who bit off more than she could chew?

Oh, RC...yeah, he would totally have the audacity to say something to me.

So, on I pressed. My goal (at the beginning) was to maintain a 165 heart rate. Quickly I realized that it would be 5pm before I finished at that rate, so I said "screw the heart rate" and just ran...err jogged...err walked alot.

The important thing? I finished. If there was a stroller division (and I'm totally an advocate of adding this to EVERY race), I would have been first. And if I had of run 1 minute faster, we would have gotten 3rd for my age group. Bummer.

Time? A sweeping 37:08. Yeah, I know. Give me a break.

THIS BLOG POST IS DEDICATED TO....

2011-02-02T11:41:00.003-05:00

- Graco: for making a monitor that enables me to be in the basement on the treadmill while Brenna is fast asleep two stories up.
- Troy: for giving me some of his old running shorts that were too small for him, but conveniently fit my rather large rear end.
- Amanda and Rex: for convincing me that I would really really really be glad that I had a treadmill once the baby got here.
- VH1: for actually playing music videos in the morning...despite the fact that I hadn't heard of any of the bands playing.
- Dick's Sporting Goods: for selling Troy the floor model treadmill...which meant he got a good deal...which meant he was very happy.
- Brenna: for getting on a normal schedule - 10am to 5am - and then going right back to sleep after her 5am feeding, which gave me enough time to run three miles AND take a shower.

Yes, you read that last part correctly...I finally...after what feels like an eternity...ran three whole miles without stopping. As a matter of fact, I actually sped up jogging at a brisk 10 minute pace by the time it was all said and done. Yeah, I know...it's baby steps people...baby steps.

I started running the very day my doctor released me to "do whatever my little heart desired." That was two weeks ago this Thursday. So far, I've logged 25 miles since I've been back...although they all were part run - part walk. Until today, that is....

The first day was miserable. Ironically, it wasn't my lungs (or my incision area - surprisingly I haven't felt an ounce of pain or even discomfort there)...no, it was these legs that feel like bricks. It was awful. I think I would have felt better crawling. But, because I'm hard headed...I trudged on. The second day, I had company to run with (thanks Marcus!), and while he never said anything, I think he too was surprised at how out of shape I was. I could barely jog a half mile before I'd have to stop and walk. And from there, I've just kept at it. Re-learning how to turn these heavy heavy legs over...knowing that eventually they will be back in shape and this will all just be a short nightmare.

At my heaviest I was carrying around 45 extra pounds. Right now, I've got 11 more to go before I'm back to my pre-Brenna weight. Every day I see my body changing....some parts morphing back to what they were...others...well...now I know why plastic surgery is so popular! I'm ready to see that magic number on the scale...but more importantly, I'm ready to see that magic number on my Garmin...the one that says I just PR'ed on a 5k...or the one that says I just ran 12 miles...or the one that says that my heart is not in fact over 180....

I am pleased with my progress. I really hadn't expected to be able to run three solid miles for several more weeks! I've got a little ways to go...I didn't lose this fitness overnight and I certainly don't expect to gain it back in one short day.

Welcome back Grasshopper! Welcome back!

(My mom taught her how to suck her thumb this morning! Given the fact that she wakes herself up by spitting her pacifier out, I'm totally okay with her learning how to suck her thumb!)

SHE HAS FINALLY ARRIVED!

2010-12-15T19:41:00.003-05:00

Okay, well she got here almost a week ago...but good grief this parenthood thing makes you busy!

I'm not sure if you want the long version or the short, so I'll post the short-long and include some pictures at the end...your reward for making it through the entire blog post (and yes, I'm completely aware that most of you will still just scroll to the bottom first.)

At any rate, after 39 long weeks of feeling like a blimp, I was getting pretty excited about this whole natural childbirth thing. Troy and I had been diligent in our classes, in our exercises, and in reading every single book about natural childbirth that we could get our hands on! We were beyond prepared.

So, it was pretty surprising to us last Wednesday, at our very LAST visit to the high-risk-specialist-from-hell (can I say that here?), when he announced: "Oh, you're 39 weeks! It's time to be induced!" This was right after he came in the room, looked right at me and said "What are you here for today? Someone said you have questions for me?" He was such an ass. I'm sorry, but there is no other way to portray his attitude that day then to call it like I see it (so sorry blogger police.)

At any rate, back to "induction." He went on to explain that I needed to have an induction because I needed to deliver during the day, during the week, when all of the specialists who might need to be working my situation would be there.

Here's the thing about being induced: it involves Pitocin - the one thing that we were trying to avoid giving to our new baby. Additionally, we had already decided that if I had to go the induction route (because I was like 50 weeks pregnant, not because I just wanted to get the pregnancy over with), that I would go the full-fledged drug-induced route with an epidural. We'd read enough to know that Pitocin would make my contractions unbearable, and I mean, I'm tough....just not that tough.

So, Troy looks at satan-doctor and states that we had been planning for months to have a natural delivery. I was still too much in shock to say anything...all I could think was "why didn't you tell us this six months ago????" Satan-doc tells Troy that basically we can do whatever we want to but his recommendation is to be induced. Oh, and because he'd be out of town Friday through Sunday, I needed to be induced.....today.

WTF?

We left being completely confused but knew that we had an appointment with my midwife the next day and we'd figure it all out. In the meantime, we decided to call our pediatrician because really, my health was not our main concern. The health of this new baby and the consequences of being born (ie, what sort of testing needed to be ordered on her upon arrival) were our main concern...and since satan-doctor told us "once you have this baby, you're not my problem anymore" we figured that maybe the pediatrician would give us a better recommendation on whether an induction was necessary or not.

Side note: I LOVE our pediatrician and her office staff. I'm so glad we picked her.

Pediatrician said yes, she would like to see me be induced as well so that she would be on call when the baby was born. Okay, we trust what she says.

The next day we went to visit the midwife and explained what had been going on. She was, needless to say, a little pissed. The specialist, in all of his notes to her, never mentioned an induction. She checked me, said I wasn't ready to give birth to this baby, and that if she induced me I could possibly be in labor for 3 or 4 days.

You see being in labor for 3 or 4 days is a problem. Not because, wow, that would suck...but because the MAIN concern with this baby being born was that the platlet condition that I have could cause her to have a cranial hemmorage prior to birth. Of course, there were other things to worry about post-birth, but the main thing...preventing a brain bleed. The midwife was very concerned that 3 or 4 days of being stuck in the birth canal could cause that hemmorage.

Our options: go to Atlanta and get a 2nd opinion on the induction, take our chances and just go with the natural birth, or have a c-section.

We weighed all of our options and decided that the one option that would 1) make sure everyone who needed to be there, would be there and 2) prevent a cranial hemmorage would be to have a c-section.

So, with that our plans drastically changed. We ran home and tried to cram for the c-section test...and pack...and notify our families...and make sure the room was ready...and try not to panic.

At 8am on Friday we arrived at the hospital, greeted by both of our mom's. They prepped me for the surgery and by 9:30 I was back in the OR. A nervous wreck.

I won't go into the details of being in surgery. It was scary and cool and I am so glad that Troy documented the entire thing with pictures. Yes, they let him take pictures of me being cut open and them pulling our little bundle of joy out. He loves that sort of thing.

At 10:01am, Miss Brenna Sophia Tarpley entered this world. Kicking and screaming and really really mad that we had disrupted her sleep.

We stayed in the hospital for 2 1/2 days, mainly to make sure that she was able to have all of the testing that she needed....which...drum roll please....all came back perfectly OKAY.

Thank GOD. I will every day for the rest of my life.

So, now we are back home. Having a c-section sort of sucks especially since we live in a 3 story house and I'm not supposed to walk up and down stairs. But, we've camped out in the living room and I am feel so incredibly blessed to be able to spend every day...every moment...taking care of this little girl. No one could have explained to me how complete I was going to feel when she got here. I finally feel like I know what my purpose in life is.

Okay, since you made it all the way to the end of this post I will reward you with some pictures of our little girl. Just a warning...the last picture is a surgery picture...if you get grossed out easily you may not want to look at it...but, I promise for those of you who do look at it, you will see something quite cool.

Enjoy!

Brenna Sophia Tarpley

Brenna and her Daddy...running on zero hours of sleep (him, not her).

The happy family headed home (and yes, all those fluids they gave me plumped me up like a big balloon!)

Brenna and her Gei

Okay, this is way cool...look right under the doc's hand...

THE BIG DAY

2010-12-09T22:38:00.001-05:00

Sorry I've been MIA for a while...I've realized that I'm only a good blogger when I'm running. Thank goodness I'll be back to running in 6 weeks!

Tomorrow we have a scheduled c-section. That's a slight departure from our original plan of 100% natural childbirth. I mean, really, Troy and I have spent many many hours in classes, reading books, and practicing exercises for natural childbirth....only to be notified yesterday that I need to be induced because of the complications of NAIT. It's a really long story and I still feel like punching the perinatologist in the mouth, so I'll wait until next week to tell the whole story.

Sometime before lunch tomorrow we will officially become parents of Brenna NMI Tarpley.

And yes, sometime before lunch tomorrow we will officially decide on a middle name.

Until next time....

35 WEEKS AND STILL COUNTING

2010-11-12T15:40:00.002-05:00

Four weeks is entirely too long to go without a blog post. Troy even told me last night that he thought I was done with it since it's been so long since I updated. Sorry about that. Life happens, and as usual, I'm not good at juggling it all.

I was one of the featured pregnant women in a story our local paper did last week: Great Expectations. I'd say that I definitely had some great expectations going into this pregnancy....for example,

1. I wasn't going to gain more than the recommended 25-35 pounds.
2. I was going to continue to run until the doctor said I had to report to the hospital for delivery.
3. I was going to take up swimming, do it consistently, and like it.
4. I wasn't going to succumb to any crazy cravings or indulgences.
5. I'd keep up my normal routine of day-to-day activities, and not get tired.
6. I wasn't going to complain about anything.

I'm sure there are more, but those are the ones that are most prevalent on my brain (side note: there is entirely too much that is prevalent in my brain these days...as I get closer to the big day, I realize that I have some serious information overload.)

At any rate, back to the article. I'm not sure why I agreed to talk to the reporter. I knew I wasn't going to be able to lie about my eating habits, my exercise habits, and my general laziness. So, I just outed myself to my entire community. And you know what? It actually felt good. It felt good to say "yes, I know I should do more but gosh darnit I'm tired." It also felt good to be honest. Really honest. Because I was led to believe that just because I can run a marathon, I'm going to breeze through pregnancy fat-free. Yeah, well, that didn't happen. I've now got cellulite in places that I never thought cellulite could exist. Every time I go to the doctor, she looks at me like I'm crazy, asking me if I've been on vacation over the last 2 weeks due to my weight increase. It's just this never-ending (okay, that's a little dramatic) cycle of more pounds and less exercise.

But, I wouldn't trade being pregnant for anything. The amazement of watching that little squirmy girl move back and forth, well...that just makes it all worth it.

So, while I officially weigh more than my husband, I'm totally okay with it. I know I will shed it on the flip side due to my diligence of exercise (when I'm not tired), and the miracle of breast feeding (or at least I'm told that that will help shed the pounds as well.)

Well, that's it for 35 weeks. I'm off to have a melt-down...just found out that the doctor who has my lab test results is on vacation for another week and the cleaning service that I contacted to come mop my floors and clean my toilets has yet to show up (they were supposed to be here over 2 hours ago). I feel like calling both of them and saying "I'm following through on this whole pregnancy job, now why can't you follow through on your job???"

31 WEEKS (AND COUNTING)

2010-10-13T07:12:00.002-05:00

I have no idea how that woman on TV has had the desire to be pregnant 19 times. It boggles me that it doesn't bother her that 19 times in her life she hasn't been able to put socks on correctly, tie her shoes, pick up a fork she dropped on the floor, dust the baseboards, or push a grocery cart without her belly constantly bumping into the handles. Oh wait...she's got 19 kids to do all of that stuff for her...maybe she is smarter than me!

At any rate, while I'd like Brenna to stay in there and cook for 9 more weeks, I can't lie...being pregnant is getting old. People keep telling me that they "LOVED" being pregnant - and I just keep looking at them like they've got a third eye. Back pain, a certain someone having the hiccups for 30 minutes on end (yes, it feels as weird as it sounds), lack of sleep, weird dreams, not being able to bend over, not being able to touch my toes (although I can still see them!), having to wear not-so-cute clothes all the time...well, it just gets to be a drag after about 30 weeks. And I still have 9 more to go...and I hear it gets worse (of course that was from the same mom's who gushed about how much they "loved" [insert high pitched voice] being pregnant.)

And I miss running. Actually, I miss exercise period. I don't have much energy these days and 20 minutes on the treadmill seems like an eternity at a 20 minute pace. I'm tired of being slow. I want to walk fast, run fast, and be able to do a squat without wondering if I'm going to be able to get back up. I'm trying to do something every day...whether it's walking, stretches, or lifting light weights. And yet, my body continues to morph into this land of cellulite...why didn't anyone warn me that this was going to happen??? I will have to say that I am happy that (so far) I've been able to thwart the double chin and the cankles...but I know they are coming. I told Troy that last night. I thought he was going to pee on himself every time I said "cankle." I'm not sure if it was the sight of his wife with puffy toes and no bones showing her in my feet, or if it was the fact that I was eating chocolate cake while I was telling him all of this.

Now don't get me wrong. I have enjoyed walking by a full-length mirror and catching a glimpse of my protruding belly and thinking "wow, I can't believe we were able to do this." I do love the fact that there is one cute little girl cooking in there. I do love the fact that she moves around ALOT and has the hiccups ALOT...both are supposed to be good signs of healthy growth. And I do love the fact that I can now decipher between a head, a rear end, a foot, and a back bone. Being pregnant, as annoying as it may be sometimes, is amazing. And I wouldn't change it.

I tell people all the time "I have nothing to complain about, but I find alot to complain about." It's the truth. I've no sickness, a few headaches, some back pain, and no swelling. While I've had to deal with that crazy genetic stuff, so far it's all come back good (2 more tests to go!). So, really, in the scheme of things, I'll take crooked socks (it's the only way I can get them on) over being sick or in alot of pain.

We took our first birthing classes Monday night - it was an ironic way to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary, but interesting nonetheless. We learned about the stages of labor and Troy had ALOT of questions...mostly humorous, because that's how he rolls (I hope Brenna gets his sense of humor). I'm doing the natural childbirth route and before you tell me how painful and awful your labor was, I'll kindly ask you to save it for someone who definitely wants to go the epidural route. I've had alot of people look at me (or tell me) that I'm crazy for doing it. Why would I put myself through so much pain when I don't have to. My answer: "because I can." I've never been much of a medicine taker. I'll tough out a headache for days before I pop a tylenol. I don't take cold medicine unless I can't get out of bed. I've never taken a flu shot (until they required that I do it this year). Heck, I don't even like to swallow pills. And I just think "why would I bring Brenna into this world medicated (because she gets everything I get), when I don't even like medicating myself?" It's my first official act of putting this baby girl before me and my wants or desires. We are going through classes this month to prepare us for what lies ahead, and I spend about one hour a day reviewing books, listening to lectures, and prepping myself for how I'm going to handle each stage of labor. It's really like preparing for my first marathon. I have no idea if my plan will work, but I know my plan will get me to the end. I've got a GREAT coach (Troy) and plenty of willingness to learn everything I can between now and December 16 (or whenever she decides to get her). Because of that, I know I will be successful.

29 WEEKS

2010-09-23T06:51:00.004-05:00

This week I'm brave enough to post pictures of the protrusion we call "Brenna", for the whole world to see (the other 500 of you on my Facebook have already been poking your eyes out with toothpicks to get away from my bare belly pics)....at any rate, I'm braving this new world of impending motherhood and showing you pictures of my wide, white belly. I should have gotten some sun before I got pregnant. That's all I need to say about that.

I'm migrating into 29 weeks this week and still feeling great. Just ridiculous sleepiness at 3pm and ridiculous restlessness at 3am. Can't wait until I actually have something to do at 3am!

Saturday morning I watched two episodes of Jersey Shore at 3am, and then on Sunday I felt so guilty for watching that crap that I watched two episodes of Three's Company while I walked on the treadmill...at 4am. I forgot how funny Jack, Janet, Mr. Roper, Larry and Chrissy were (even though one of the episodes was where Cindy showed up to take Chrissy's place). Anyway, it was a great way to pass the time and I got some exercise to boot.

Her room is almost ready. My husband, the perfectionist, insists on 47 coats of paint on everything. There will be NO brush marks in his painting jobs! Honestly, I'm glad he's that concerned because if it were me I would have put a coat of Kilz on everything and called it the "white wash" look. Her room is looking great. A few more touches and it will be ready for her...or ready for me...because, really, is she ever going to know what her nursery looked like?

I'm really just ready for her to get here. I'm way too impatient. I've enjoyed being pregnant, but I'm really ready to get this show on the road...ready to start my new life...ready to stop stressing about things that don't matter (I don't know for a fact that I'll stop stressing about stupid things but I've been told by every mom I know that my priorities will definitely change -and I'm ready for that!)

And really, I'm ready to get back to running. I ran on the treadmill last week just to see what it was like. And it was EXACTLY as I had remembered...just much much slower. Of course, I ended up with some weird belly pain by the end of the day so I decided that I wouldn't let myself run again until after she gets here. No sense in putting either of us at risk because I'm feeling selfish. But, that doesn't stop me from thinking about it each and every day....or getting up from the sofa when I see a runner blazing past our house.

It doesn't help at all that I'm just getting wider and wider and there's really nothing I can do about it. My midwife told me last week that she figured I'd gain more weight than I wanted because my amount of physical activity has decreased so much. I'm still walking, lifting weights, etc but, in my opinion, nothing compares to running 40 miles a week...nothing.

So, without further ado - my big, white belly......

RANDOM UPDATE

2010-09-17T16:26:00.003-05:00

I'm not proud of the fact that I'm averaging more weight gain per month than I am the equivalent number of blog entries
I've realized (again) that I only come up with good blog posts when I'm running
I tipped the scales at 150 today
I didn't shed one tear
When women say "I gained 35 pounds during my pregnancy" are they referring to the weight gain shown on the doctor's scale, or the one at home - because they are drastically different these days
I registered for a marathon - the inaugural Savannah Rock n Roll Marathon scheduled for November 2011
I'll be 35 at that point so I'm excited that I'll get to shave five minutes off of my BQ time
Because I plan on becoming a BQ qualifier in November 2011
We started to be able to feel body parts moving around in my belly this week
Up until now, it was just random stabs here and there but now we can actually tell that we are touching a foot or a hand or a rear end or something
I vow to tell every pregnant woman I see that she is so cute pregnant
Even if she isn't
I miss bending over
I miss crossing my legs
I miss an icy cold beer
I'm still having a million tests (or so it feels like it) to determine if my body is going to harm hers
So far, so good
I'm thankful everyday now that I know I won't be passing this on to her

That's it.

P.S. I can tell, by the short entries above, that I spend entirely too much time updating my status on Facebook....

BIGGER AND FATTER IN WEEK 24

2010-08-24T17:35:00.002-05:00

When Troy and I decided to go into this joint venture, I had dreams that my calf muscles would look hot in some mini-maternity shorts, that my biceps would be rockin' in one of those t-shirts that says "pregalicious" and that...well...that my body would look EXACTLY the same - minus the basketball that I'd be toting around. I would be healthy, and active, and pregnant. And most importantly: I'd be cute.

Instead, I find myself day-in and day-out in that pseudo-preggo world that I lovingly call "I'm pregnant. What's your excuse?" Some days I look totally pregnant...and others...well, not so much. Note: and by "others" I mean those days where I run into everyone I haven't seen since high school and have to explain over and over again: "Yes, you did hear correctly...I did take up marathon running since high school, but no, I haven't give them up for Blizzards and McFlurries. I'm pregnant." (Because you know, before they speak, they are all looking at me thinking "that girl hasn't run a day in her life...)

I know it's all for a good cause. Believe me, I know that. I have a tiny little runner practicing her fartleks on my bladder every morning at 3am to remind me that this is all for a good cause.

But honestly, people, I'm just ready to really look pregnant. All-the-time.

And yes, I am perfectly aware that in a few weeks I'll be complaining about something else: hip pain, back pain, cankles...

Oh my...did I just say "cankles"?

But until then, I'll just complain that I don't look pregnant enough. Last week I was in the grocery store. The manager was helping me load 4 cases of Powerade from my cart, when she looks at me and says "how did you get all of this in here?" I smiled (proud of those biceps, even if you CAN'T see them right now) and said "I did it all by myself." She immediately snapped her head back and said "you better not do that again or I'm telling your husband!" And then she said four words that were music to my ears:

"When are you due?"

I stood there...stunned...wondering how inappropriate would it be to give her a hug. I mean, really, this was a milestone. She was the first person to ask me those four perfect words without me having to provoke the conversation (because you know it's the first thing out of my mouth these days "hi, my name is Amy and yes I'm pregnant.")

I am hopeful that all those people who keep telling me that "one day you'll just wake up and look like you've popped" are not the same people who told me maternity clothes were cute.

So, here I am. 24 weeks. Still looking like I'm growing something...cellulite, yes...baby, not so much.

In other running news: I miss running. I don't think I can say it enough. I-miss-running. Sometimes on my little 3 mile walks I just want to break out into a sprint...just to feel that adrenaline...my blood pumping...sweat dripping down my face. I just really really miss it. More than I thought. Walking really sucks. I'm trying to do the whole "just make it relaxing and enjoy the scenery" but really...I just want to run. Fast. I want to sprint and race and be at 95% of my max. I WANT to run a TEMPO. And I never thought I'd say that....never.

I guess I'm in a rush to look pregnant...in a rush to get back to running...in a rush to get things done, but if there is one thing that this pregnancy is teaching me...it will happen in due time...all in due time.

TEAM PINK

2010-08-12T14:03:00.002-05:00

Well, since hot-diggity-blog decided to do away with my old blog wallpaper, I thought I'd ring in the new blog settings with TEAM PINK.

Yes, that means we're having a girl.

I apologize for not making the announcement sooner. You see, Troy and I decided that we'd jump into this other business venture, not realizing that we were already busy up to our eyeballs. In hindsight, we both should have picked up a new hobby.

At any rate...it's totally a girl (after two ultrasounds - I hope they were right) and I couldn't be more happier. Not because it's a girl, because I would have been happy with a boy too, but now I can sit and imagine what she's going to look like with woogies (what we called "pigtails" growing up) and not feel the least bit bad about it. You see, I knew all along it was a girl. And I would lay awake at night and imagine what she'd look like in dress...with bows in her hair...what it would be like to go get our nails done together...and then Troy would start snoring and I would suddenly be startled by the realization that it MIGHT just be a boy. And what if it was. Would I feel guilty for always imagining him as a girl???

Well, now I don't have to worry about that.

But, what I do have to worry about is this stupid thing called neonatal alloimmune thrombocytopenia (NAIT for short). It's something my nephew had, lovingly passed down to him by his mother. I've posted alot on Facebook about my six hour waits at the high-risk OB's office, my multitudes of needle sticks, and my general dissatisfaction with receptionists and office managers who are beyond incompetent. But, I've posted little about what NAIT really is.

So, here goes. HIPPA violations and all....

Basically, you have all these human platelet antigens (HPAs) running around in your body. Some good. Some bad. But they are all there for a reason. The HPA-1 can take various forms ("a" or "b", "homozygous" or "heterozygous"), but for the sake of our discussion, we'll just be talking about whether they are negative or positive. Most people's are positive. My sister's are negative. Very rare. Less than 2% of the world is negative on the HPA-1. The sperm donor (let's call him what he really is) of her child was positive. Not so rare. When she got pregnant, she and the donor both passed their platelets to the new baby (his name is Pete). So, he had positive HPAs and negative HPAs floating around in there. At some point, a very rare thing happened....some of the positive platelets from the father passed through the amniotic wall and got into my sister's blood stream. Immediately, my sister's body reacted by doing what it does best - fighting back. It began to develop antigens to fight this pesky postivie HPA-1. And it was successful. Unfortunately, those little antigen fighters did something else very rare...they passed back across the amniotic wall and began to fight with the little positive antigens Pete was trying to grow with.

None of this came out until he was born and stayed all bruised up for longer than he should have. After a round of testing, they determined that something was wrong with his platelets. Normal platelet count in an infant is 150,000 to 400,000 platelets per microliter. Pete's was 4. And no, that wasn't a typo. I said f-o-u-r. Had she been released he wouldn't have made it home. So, off to the NICU they carted him and after several days of overnight stay and several transfusions of platelets, he was fine. He's almost 10 now and you'd never know that anything was wrong.

I always knew that if I got preggo, I'd have to be tested to see if I was negative for the HPA-1 as well. No big deal, right?

A total of 7 hours in the doctor's office waiting, 3 needles sticks, several Google searches for "NAIT", and several thousand dollars later (thank you high deductibles) we find out the good, the bad, the ugly, and the unsure.

Monday, I called for my results. I was told I was HPA-1b Homozygous. Regardless of how much research I did, I still had no idea what that meant. Sadly, the nurse didn't either. After a 45 minute wait on hold (yes, on hold) she comes back and says that the doc says I'm "all clear." I clarified that that was medical terminology for "it's all good." She even laughed and said "as a matter of fact, according to the results, HPA-1b is the most common genotype." Wow...did I feel relieved!

Until I got back home and Googled "HPA-1b" (damn you internet) and discovered the complete opposite. HPA-1b is found in less than 3% of the population. Nice. Really. Really. Nice.

So, I spent the rest of the evening freaking out that the doctor and/or nurse didn't have a clue and at any moment this baby was going to spontaneously combust in my belly...okay, maybe "combust" is a little harsh. BUT, the biggest problem with NAIT is that 20% of these babies end up having a BRAIN HEMORRHAGE in utero. And FYI, people, there is nothing you can do about that....I prayed alot that night that I had misunderstood that nurse and that everything would be alright. And my prayers were answered (at least for that night) because Little Girl Tarpley wanted to let me know that she was alive and well...by kicking my bladder...all...night...long.

Tuesday morning, I decided to forgoe the nicey-nice phone calls and hold times and just showed up at the office demanding to see the doctor. Almost 3 hours later, I finally got to see him. He explained that the nurse did read that "most common" part incorrectly to me, but that the results were fine. No negative P-antigen. He even drew a map for me to show me how all of this works...the one time where my Googling had come in handy...everything he drew was exactly what I had read in those cumbersome medical journals.

And then as he's walking out, he says "oh, by the way, I don't like the way Quest writes their result interpretations so I called the lab director in California to make sure I was interpreting this correctly."

It took everything I had not to jump across that room and slap him.

For real.

I followed him out of the room, asking a million questions that probably all sounded like that school teacher in the Charlie Brown movies. He "assured" me that everything would be fine and he would call if there was a problem. Or...that I could call him if I didn't hear anything....why can't a doctor just call with GOOD news or BAD news? Don't tell me "no news is good news." What if "no news" means I missed your call and Verizon accidentally deleted the message you left with me the bad news? I mean...really...

At any rate, he did call. That very afternoon. Unfortunately, I was away from my phone and by the time I got the message it was after hours...likely, huh? And when I called at 9:01am on Wednesday, I got another nice surprise. Yes, he wanted to talk to me. But he was at a conference in Atlanta and wouldn't be back until Thursday.

The agony, people...the agony.

I can assure you that I have not prayed this much in my entire life.

At 9:01am this morning I called back and finally got in touch with him. He said that the lab did confirm that he interpreted the results correctly! Yahoo! BUT....there are other antigens that can cause NAIT. These are "rarely" associated with it but can cause it and since there's a history here I need to have another panel drawn and this time Troy needs to be drawn too.

Are you kidding me?

So, Troy and I made a couples trip to the lab...got stuck...and now we wait...for another week (or so - it took them 19 days to even acknowledge that I needed to be given my first results)...saying lots of prayers. Specific prayers. Because if there is one thing that I believe, it is that whatever is going to happen, is going to happen. I just pray that God grants me the strength to deal with whatever the outcome is. I figure one of two things are going to happen (I try to not to think about the third). Either I'll have a sick baby, or I'll be the first woman in my family to get arrested while she's pregnant.

And I'm asking you, my blogging public, to do the same. Pray for specificity. Pray that I don't get arrested for assaulting a medical professional. Pray that Little Girl Tarpley will be okay. And pray that Big Girl Tarpley will have the strength to get through all of this.

I AM NO MICHAEL PHELPS....

2010-07-16T17:56:00.002-05:00

In an effort to keep some sort of physical fitness during this pregnancy, I finally took the plunge and decided to swim. In a lap pool. Right next to three people who obviously knew what they were doing.

Me?

Not so much.

My initial thoughts with swimming were "just do the breast stroke. EVERYONE can do the breast stroke. Besides, it'd be good exercise for strengthening all of that stuff below the belt that I hear needs to be strengthened before giving birth."

Those were my initial thoughts. I even went to the sporting goods store and purchased goggles because I knew I'd need them to do the BREAST STROKE.

What I did not know was that I had forgotten how to dip my head underwater, kick my legs out like a frog, bring my head back up, and move my arms in a circular motion. Actually, I remembered all of that except the part on how to BREATH on the way up.

I got half way through the first lap and realized that I had been holding my breath the entire time. I'm sure it had been a solid minute since I had last taken a breath (sorry about that Little Tarpley)...seriously, I was oxygen deprived on a whole new level. And by that point, I was in the deep end, not able to stand, sort of panicking, sort of wondering that if I started to drown would that nice lifeguard (who looked to be cleaning her newly pierced belly button) be able to save me, would she even notice me falling to the bottom...and then I remembered thatI was on an end lap.

Note to self: always get an end lap.

So, I felt defeated...I felt like an idiot...I felt like screaming "how did I forget how to swim???" And then I remembered those times back in my early running days...when I didn't know what dri-fit was, or tempos, or what an easy pace was, or why I shouldn't be running in shoes I bought from Dillards...yeah, those days when I was totally clueless about running...and I decided that if I could wing it back then, I surely could wing it now.

And so I began to do a modified breast stroke. I've got the arm and leg movements down...it's the putting my head underwater thing that I just really couldn't do. So, I swam another 11 laps with my head completely above the water. And then for good measure, I treaded water for another 5 minutes. I'm not sure if there was any working out in that workout, but I felt good for actually doing something and for once (in the last 5 months), I wasn't hot while I was doing it.

I'm sure those nice ladies in the other lanes felt sorry for me. One of them even invited me to her 50 and over water aerobics class. I'm not sure if I should feel flattered by the offer, or humiliated by it.

I came home and told Troy and he just looked at me with this face that confirmed: yes, I'm an idiot. At 34 years old, I should know how to put my head under the water and swim. ESPECIALLY since I was once on a swim team.

I will be so glad when this baby vacates my body and I can resume running again.

In Baby News:

- We will finally find out if Little Tarpley is a boy or a girl next Wednesday. We initially decided against it, but then I didn't realize how difficult it would be to pick out names. I will be happy when I can just eliminate 50% of the choices.

- I can feel that little rugrat moving around now. Thanks to the high fiber cereal that I eat, I have been able to positively decipher between baby movement and gas. I promise.

- We meet with a high risk doc on Wednesday. I'm not necessarily "high risk" but my sister's son had a genetic blood disorder that they have to rule out on me and Little Tarpley. No big deal but it would just eliminate a week long trip to the neonatal intensive care unit if we nip it in the bud now.

- I'm 19 weeks now and people still don't know I'm pregnant. I guess everyone who doesn't know yet thinks Troy forked over some big bucks for augmentation and that I'm carrying a little extra junk in my trunk. I've gained 12 pounds in 19 weeks and I am still baffled when I tell people I'm preggers, touch my belly (that I think looks very pregnant), and they looked all shocked and amazed. I'm baffled people. Just baffled. I just want someone to ask me "are you pregnant or did you just gain a ton of weight recently?" Really. At least then I can set them straight.

- I've started letting Little Tarpley listen to an hour of Andrea Bocelli everyday. I really need to download some other selections to my ipod, but in a weird way I'm hoping it will help him/her either be a really good opera singer, or be really good at speaking Italian. Speaking of Andrea Bocelli, I'm sort of miffed with the fact that his only American tour this year will be the week I'm supposed to be giving birth...At any rate, while LT is listening to Con Te Partirò, I'm constantly looking down at my ipod to make sure it doesn't skip over to my "Tempo Run" playlist...you know the one with Eminem, Missy Elliott, 50 Cent and the like...it's a little early to be letting LT listen to gansta rap.

So that's it...another week in a nutshell. Have a great weekend!

MELTDOWNS

2010-07-12T09:12:00.003-05:00

I've mentioned it before, but I'll mention it again for the sake of those of you who are new to my blog: I'm not a cryer. I mean, I was, a long long ~~long~~ time ago (think being a teenager)...but as for adulthood...nope, not so much.

Until I got pregnant, that is.

Last Thursday I had an absolutely wonderful day. Everything was going my way...I was knocking tasks out like nobodies business...and then...well, then the 5:00 hour chimed and I turned into a hormonal lunatic. All of a sudden the world was going to end with a load of laundry still left undone and a sink full of dishes. In all of my craziness, I couldn't imagine how the next life (aliens, maybe?) were going to walk into my house and see how nasty it was as the world came to screeching halt. Seriously. That is what went through my brain. It took me about 3 hours of contemplating how I was going to explain to God or Peter or whoever was going to meet me at the pearly gates that I usually didn't keep such an untidy house but if there was anyway that they could keep the aliens from seeing my house - post world end - well, that would be swell.

And yes, I did have this entire conversation with myself.

And then I decided on my next best option to the world ending: I texted Troy.

It said something like this:

"I'm having a nervous breakdown. Meet me at Dairy Queen in 15 minutes."

Now, just to get things straight, I love a Blizzard just as much as the next pregnant girl. But, what made this different is that I had plans to eat a cheeseburger, fries, a Blizzard and maybe even a Coke for good measure (I haven't had a Coke in probably 5 years, by the way.) I just knew that sitting in DQ, full loaded trans-fat meal in front of me...well, that was going to make things all better.

Troy immediately texted me back and said "I'll be home in 10. Wait on me and I'll go with you."

By this point, I was already in the car ready to make my getaway. So, I just sat and waited. And waited. And waited. And within seconds of waiting, the waterworks started. I had no idea why I was crying. Was I sad that the world might end? Was I mad because my house would be a mess when the world ended? Was I upset that I was getting ready to feed our unborn child the worst meal ever? I think it was combination of all of them...by the time Troy got there I was buckled in, car running, and tears streaming down my face. I think I babbled on about the house and the work and the cat and the laundry and...well, who knows. Ask Troy - I'm sure he remembers. After a 5 minute crying session we headed to DQ where I ate the worst meal ever. Exactly as I had planned. A cheeseburger, fries, and a Blizzard...I couldn't stomach ordering the Coke. And exactly as my insides had planned, they rejected every bit of that nasty meal. Oh well, that's what I get for not eating like this on a regular basis, right?

My second meltdown was really an "almost meltdown" and happened last night. We were picnicking at Washington Park, listening to the Grapevine belt out some beach music, oldies and other fun songs when the urge to pee hit me. If there is one thing I despise about being pregnant is that I have to pee entirely too much. The organizers of the event had come over the loud speaker and announced that the coffee shop at the top of the hill had coffee, smoothies, and public restrooms! So, off to the coffee shop I go. I got stopped on my way there a couple of times, running into people I know...I think I told all of them "can't talk...must pee..."...being pregnant leaves no room for modesty. At any rate, I cross the street to the coffee shop and pop on in to hear:

"I'm sorry we're closed."

And I'm like "no, you're not. The door is unlocked. And you're still in here."

And he's all like "well, we are."

And I'm like "well, can I just go to the bathroom? I've really got to go. I'm pregnant and about to bust. And I promise I'll be quick."

And he just looks at me like one of those disapproving nuns from high school and shakes his head no.

And I just stood there..and eeked out "really?"

And he just looked at me..shaking that damn head.

I turned around, walked out of the coffee shop, and began to cry.

What was I going to do now? Pee in my pants? There wasn't a single thing open within a half mile. I then remembered that there was a port-a-potty on the other side of the park...I sucked up my tears and began the little hike back to the other side of the park...vowing that I will never ever step foot in that coffee shop again.

The port-a-potty was there. And it didn't smell quite as bad as I had imagined. And it had hand sanitizer so full-fledged meltdown was averted.

This week I promise to have zero meltdowns. Let's see if my hormones will cooperate.

15 Wks 2 days

2010-06-26T13:51:00.003-05:00

Today I had my first prenatal massage. It was dark and quiet and everything smelled good. Those are three things that I've missed the last few weeks...especially the quiet part. At any rate, the massage was a little piece of heaven that I promise not to skimp out on over the next 25 weeks. I even learned that by putting a pillow between my legs, I CAN lie on my left side and not be uncomfortable!

The massage therapist did uncover some issues...mostly issues that are caused by running. Not that running is bad. But running for a long time and then all of a sudden stopping running...and getting pregnant...well, that combination is wreaking havoc on this little body of mine. I'm having the beginnings of what she thinks is going to be a sciatica problem on my left side. Why oh why is it always my left side??? She says its from not doing good hip stretching exercises and keeping those hip flexors in good working order (like they were when I was running). I'm also experiencing some serious discomfort at the tops of both of my hip bones (on the back). That too is a cause from running and then not running and not stretching. I can't go back to running...because...well, lets just say that I'm going to have a hard time holding myself up if my chest size keeps increasing at the rate it has. And when you've increased, oh I don't know, like 4 bra sizes in 4 months...well, that makes running difficult. And since my brother and RC both read this blog, that will be all that I discuss on that topic.

I would really like to find a place to swim. I don't know how to swim well, but I can do the breast stroke and I hear that's good for pregnancy. I've emailed a college one mile from my house to see if they have any community memberships available. My mom is alumni so I'm hoping that will help. We'll see. I'm tired of not getting enough quality exercise and right now...in Georgia...it is ridiculously too hot to be outside walking 4 or 5 miles at a time.

I found out today that within the next week Little Baby Tarpley will be forming it's taste buds. I also read that (studies show) what I eat during this pregnancy can influence what will taste good to LBT. So, from this day forward I'm going back to eating healthy. I've spent the last 4 months convincing myself that ice cream for lunch and ice cream for dinner is okay. Well, if I can influence LBT's taste buds to NOT have the sweet tooth that I do..well, then I think my mission as a good mother will be accomplished.

I'm going to get Troy to take some more photos of me tonight. And yes, I'm dreading it. Who knew that my butt would get this big this fast? I've gained about 7 pounds and I swear every bit of it is in my chest and my rear end. For real. And it's awfully depressing to stand in front of the closet every day and wonder "what won't fit me today?" But, it's all for a good cause and I know that in 2011 not only will I be a great mom, but I'll also be securing my rightful place back in those age grouper awards ceremonies (and thus losing all of this baby weight)!

Have a great Saturday!

I'M NOT FABULOUS

2010-06-24T17:10:00.002-05:00

Well, at keeping up with this blog anyway....

Work has been...well, busy. A good problem to have when you are self-employed but a bad problem to have when you're 11 weeks pregnant and all you want to do is sleep. Being in the second trimester, I find that I don't want to sleep at 2:00pm anymore...but when 8:00pm rolls around and my belly is nice and full from dinner...well, it's lights out for this kiddo. I'm actually enjoying going to sleep before the sun goes down...and I've even managed to sneak in an extra few hours of sleep in the morning too. My my, how things have changed from a year ago when I was waking at 4am to study for the CPA exam or get ready to go into work early.

On the baby front, I'm now officially 15 weeks. Yahoo for time moving so quickly...I guess. I feel like one day I'm going to look up and I'll be 37 weeks and wonder where the time has gone. I'm trying to stop and smell the roses (and always hoping that those roses are planted right next to a public restroom - didn't someone tell me that this peeing-all-the-time-thing was disappear soon?), but with the new business + the old business...well, life seems to get in the way of slowing down a bit. Hopefully, that will all change in the next two weeks when we have a couple of new folks coming on to take over alot of the things that I've been doing for the last three weeks. And then I can focus on baby...and home...and getting ready for that big day.

I've decided that I do want to know the sex of the baby. Troy keeps discouraging me (although he was on board to find out all along)...I guess he knows me too well and thinks and that I might be disappointed if I find out early, rather than waiting...25 more weeks. Well, I am here to tell you all: I WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED TO FIND OUT EARLY. Why didn't someone tell me that picking out baby names would be nearly impossible if you're trying to do it for both genders??? And baby clothes...well, if we aren't finding out the sex then there really is no reason to walk through the clothing racks at Babies R Us...because FYI: they don't make gender neutral clothing. At all. So, today is my 34th birthday and all I asked Troy for was to take me up the street to First Glimpse and let me find out if it's a boy or a girl. Well, I also asked for a new garbage disposal. So, we'll see what I actually get.

I've totally given up running and opted for brisk walks, which, by the way, are occurring less than often than I'd like. But, they are occurring. Living in a place where it is 100 degrees on a good day and 100% humidity everyday is hard. I try to tell myself "well, at least you don't have to run in this insane weather," but even that doesn't sell me on taking a walk. I did go back to the track on Tuesday night. I just needed to be around runners. I needed to be around all those people sweating off 7 pounds in an hour while they ran intervals of 1600, 1200, and 1000 meters. I just needed to feel like I belonged in that world. And while I just walked a few miles, and watched them all gasping for breath...well, I actually found myself missing it. On some crazy level, I actually missed the pain of running in that weather...the pain of not feeling like I was going make my times for the 1600...the pain of just being there suffering with everyone else. I am so looking forward to 2011 when I get back to this running thing. So...looking...forward...to...it.

Well, that's it for me. Getting bigger although the increased size in my chest masks any size change in my belly...maybe I'll get around to posting some pictures in the next few weeks. I hear that one day I'll wake up and be as big as a house...ummm...okay.

Have a great Thursday!

CHICKEN NUGGETS

2010-06-05T07:28:00.002-05:00

Well, here I sit...12 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Little Baby Tarpley has a heart rate that is slightly faster than mine (150) and at the three ultrasounds I had four weeks ago, BT looked like a chicken nugget. Prior to being pregnant, I heard those little embryos (and now BT is a fetus!) look like peanuts, plums, blueberries, and olives. But, little Bethany said it best when she told me it looked like a chicken nugget.

My exercise regimen has included alot of restless nights, some mopping of the kitchen floors, and lugging small laundry baskets of clean (and dirty) clothes up and down the stairs. I've lifted weights mostly on a regular basis with Trainer Rick but I haven't tried to run in probably 3 weeks. I walked for two hours last Saturday...and since then, I haven't done squat - in the exercise department, that is.

When we didn't know I was pregnant, we decided to open another business. When we found out I was pregnant, we decided to move our "open" date up three months. I'm not sure where the logic was in that decision...and now, here we are...a full three days into the new business and I'm really questioning our sanity at most every waking moment. Opening a new business is alot of work. Especially when your business partner (that's T-roy) is busy taking care of necessary business with the other business we own. So, in a nutshell, I'm opening this new business mostly on my own. Now, don't get me wrong - I'm certainly not complaining about it. On the contrary, I'm merely whining....because I'm pregnant...and for at least the next 28 weeks, I'm told that I'm entitled to whine about whatever I want to.

So, while the business is going great (we've already had 5 potential clients ask for job proposals in the first two days)...well, I'm not going to lie....I am exhausted. It's morning and night...all day business. No mid-afternoon naps for this preggo girl. I've got two corporate guys here and I need to learn as much as I can from both of them before they head back to San Diego. We've also got employees to train, customers to meet, and proposals to bid. I'm loving it. I'm totally excited for all the possibilities that this new business will bring us...but good grief...I am just tired.

It's Saturday...almost 9am...and I know any minute now Corporate Guys are going to give me a call to see when we can start our day. And really, all I want to do is close the blinds and stay on the sofa all day.

I know there is an end in sight for all of this madness. I just keep reminding myself that in 28 weeks, I will move on to a new job: a job of being a stay-at-home mom. Of course, I'll still be doing CFO work for both companies and that's a job I know I can handle. But, I'm just looking forward to raising BT, trying to be a good mom, and just enjoying all that this new life will have to offer.

(Oh, and I'm totally looking forward to getting my running back. I can't believe how much I incredibly miss racing...but that's another post for another day.)

Have a great weekend!

I'M NO DAVE MCGILLIVRAY....

2010-05-22T15:29:00.002-05:00

Today was my first attempt at race directing.

Actually, let me take that back. Today, I helped put on a race and then found out at the race (when I was introduced) that I was "The Race Director."

All I could think was "wow, now I can put that on my resume too!"

(really...yes, I'm nerdy enough to always be thinking about how to up my credentials.)

At any rate, it was a small race - about 250 enthusiastic (and 4 angry) people. The amazing feat was that it was all organized in just a little over two months - by two people, Me and the marketing/PR girl for the local car dealership that put the race on (Erin). All of the proceeds will go to benefit the American Heart Association (which as a side note, I was ~~a little~~ alot disappointed that they sent no volunteers to help and only one representative that I met briefly and never saw again.)

A few things I learned about being a RD:

- You are only as good as the person who will assist you. Erin was great. I told her to jump and she said "which vendor should I make the check out to?" (the positive side of having a host with an unlimited advertising budget)

- Putting on a race in 2 months is hard work but in the end, when everyone is happy with their times, their PRs, the race course in general...well, then it's all worth it.

- I should make more notes. I forgot alot of things. Really really important things. Like the fact that race bibs need safety pins to be "bibs." Thank goodness the race was chip timed and that the chip timing company had a coffee can full of safety pins.

- People will never cease to amaze me. We had at least 6 people run both the 5k and the 10k. I don't know about your state, but in Georgia we have a "grand prix series" of races. You run them...you get points for participating...you run multiple races in one day you get multiple points...at the end of the year you get a nice fleece jacket or something cool like that in exchange for your points and the $4,000 you just shelled out during the year in race registration fees and travel expenses. (side note: yes, that was a tone of sarcasm you heard in that last sentence.) Let me get one thing straight: I am all for leading an active and healthy lifestyle which includes walking and running and participating in races. I am all for setting and achieving goals (and I'm assuming the fleece jacket is a goal to many). Unfortunately, I am NOT all for making decisions that are cost-prohibitive and dangerous just to entertain this group of people who are in a conquest match to get that coveted fleece jacket. I'm just not. Especially when I'm told that I'm being unreasonable to ask for two FULL races fees or when I'm asked to extend a race that should only last 2 to 2.5 hours, well into 3 or 4 hours. It's hard to ask the few volunteers we get to stay much later in the day for such a request. But, telling someone that at 6:30am...in a nice way...well, it's really difficult and I just have to say over and over again "people will never cease to amaze me...."

- More people need to volunteer. We had 8 volunteers on a very hilly and multiple-turn course. In other words, those 8 people had to man two water stations, registration and packet pickup, the food tables, and the finish line. And at least one of those volunteers was an actual race participant helping with late registration. In the end we didn't have enough volunteers to even have a single person on the course directing people in the right direction (we did have the Sheriff dept, REACT, and a couple of really nice paramedics on the course though). And in the end, at least 2 people (who did the 5 and the 10k) who did in fact get lost on the 10k course. I have to thank Kristen for getting me 4 volunteers at the very last minute; Marcus and Teri for taking care of registration, packet pickup and the finish line; Tiffany for jumping in and setting up the food tables; Andy and A?? who also helped with packet pickup and registration (I am bad at remembering names...I think it was Angela?)); Cindy and her daughter for manning a water station and telling the 5kers where to turn around (and I heard from the course participants that they did an awesome job); and ?? - I can't remember her name either but she manned the 10k water stop - solo - and was very enthusiastic about it! Thank you guys!!!! It certainly would not have gone so smoothly without you!

In the end, I had a great time...I love to see my friends run and win (RC, of course). And I like to see the participants get really cool awards. I was excited to see my nephew run across the finish line with a smile on his face because this was the first 5k he's ever run without stopping! I was happy to see the best assistant in the world (that's you Stacy) have a huge PR! I was entertained by the amount of people that came up to me after the race to ask my why Troy ran without shoes on.

Would I do it again? Possibly. Would my services render an invoice? Absolutely.

Have a great weekend!

EVERYONE IS LYING ABOUT THIS PREGNANCY THING....

2010-05-15T16:39:00.002-05:00

Lie #1: I was told that I would totally be able to continue any sort of exercise that I did pre-pregnancy. They really had me on this one. Not only did I think I'd still be running an 8:30 marathon pace right up until 9 months and 1 day, but I also thought that I'd still be doing FitCamp a couple of times a week, and lifting weights with my trainer like it's nobodies business. Lies. Lies. Lies.

Let's start with running (because, as much as I like Trainer Rick, I'd take a nice easy run any day over getting my rear end handed to me by TR.) At any rate, running, well, it pretty much no longer exists in my little corner of the world. I have been able to consistently maintain a heart rate in the range of 150-160 (doctors orders) by running....well...walking...a 14:30 pace. Seriously. If I'm at the track or in a race (and yes, I'll keep showing up until someone physically makes me stop), I'll go for a run 1 minute and walk 1 minute ratio but for the remaining 5 or 6 days a week, it's walking only. I hear it gets better in the 2nd trimester (2 weeks to go before I'm there) but then I also heard THAT I'D BE ABLE TO RUN THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS PREGNANT.

FitCamp...haha...that one is just a joke. My blood pressure is consistently low...in other words, I'm consistently faint feeling. So, doing anything that requires me to hold my arms even remotely close to my head - ie, increasing my heart rate - is a no go in my little corner of this joyful world.

I've still been hitting the weights with TR at least once a week...but my my, how humbling it is to do tricep dips with a 4 lb dumbbell...humbling moments at it's finest. And to top it off, I'm not able to make an entire hour without feeling completely worthless so beginning next week, we'll be downgrading my training sessions from 1 hour a week to two 30 minute sessions per week. Soon, I'll be wearing a diaper and driving a scooter into TR's studio too....

Lie #2: This one...this takes the cake...the biggest lie I've been told thus far: that I would not even notice the slight weight gain for months, that because I'm already "small" I'll sail through this without even noticing the weight until at least month 7. Why did people tell me this? I cursed everyone of them last weekend while I was in Kohl's trying to decide if I should buy "normal" new clothes that are a bigger size or should I forfeit all semblance of humility and buy pants with elastic waistbands. You see, what NO ONE told me was that when you gain a mere 3 or 4 pounds AND your current wardrobe all fits you, like, oh, I don't know...PERFECTLY...well, that 3 pounds all of a sudden makes said wardrobe not so perfect anymore. Like not-being-able-to-button-my-pants-not-so-perfect. Oh, and my button up tops (of which I own a ton)...yeah, those don't fit at all...unless of course, everyone in this world doesn't mind getting flashed.

Wait, I mind flashing everyone.

So, there you have it. I ended up finding a pair of capris and a pair of shorts that have elastic on the inside - sortof like those kid's shorts with the expandable waists. I feel like a dork, but my comfort in the clothing department (and the desire to not get arrested for indecent exposure), made elastic a necessity.

I thought I had another lie...that I'd have these weird food cravings all the time. Until last night, I hadn't had a single desire for anything weird or out of the ordinary. Until last night that is....I finally had an overwhelming desire for boxed macaroni and cheese. BOXED MACARONI AND CHEESE. I'm pretty certain that I haven't had that in over 10 years. But, last night at the grocery store, I had an overwhelming urge for a blue box of goodness. Unfortunately, I'm sortof a health freak so even venturing outside of either the organic food aisle, or the perimeter of the grocery store (the fruits, vegetables, meat, dairy, and bread) to those inner aisles of Kroger...the place where processed, trans-fats laden, and generally all around terrible food lie...well, it just scared me. So, I did the next best thing. I bought a box of organic, low sodium, whole grain noonies and cheese (what my sister and I used to call it when we were kids). And then I came home to make a homemade broccoli and turkey quiche. You see how this pregnant brain works, huh? About 30 minutes into baking the quiche I realized that I had made a double batch and it would be another 30 minutes before the quiche would be done. And it was already 9:30. It was probably the only time in my life that I will utter the words "thank goodness I bought that boxed mac and cheese."

I was sortof grossed out to mix that powdered cheese with a little organic skim milk...but anything for this baby, right? All in all, I actually enjoyed it. I envisioned myself eating the whole box and not feeling guilty about it, but halfway through the bowl, Troy had to take over and finish it off for me. I'm not sure that my craving was quenched because as I type this, I'm wondering if taking a bowl of noonies and cheese to the jazz festival party tonight would be okay? Probably not, but it would just mean more for me.

Where was I? How did I get so off track about macaroni and cheese?

So, there you have it...10 weeks into this thing and I've already been lied to TWICE! What's next? That labor isn't going to hurt? That my legs won't turn into cankles? That I won't be making rest room pit stops 47 times a day for the next 30 weeks?

Well, enough stewing for one day...I'm off to the 3rd Annual Jazz Under the Stars where my husband will get to enjoy wine and cocktails, and I'll determine how many people I need to give a ride home! :)

(and oh, all of this - every single bit of it - including missing out on Monika's Hurricanes at her belated Mardi Gras party - yeah, it's all totally worth it)

Have a great weekend!

GRASSHOPPERS CAN WALK TOO

2010-05-07T07:16:00.004-05:00

It's really been hard making time for the blog. Well, with the new employee that I'm training, the new business that we are starting next month, the new baby I'm growing inside of me, and the fact that my 4 mile runs have now turned into 4-ish to none-ish mile walks...well, I've just been busy folks!

But, on the baby front - everything looks good. I'm a mere 8 weeks and 3 days. I'll be glad when I'm 13 weeks and 3 days because I hear life is much better in the second trimester. I mean, not that I have a whole lot to complain about: I've had no nausea, no morning sickness, no weird aches and pains, and no weird food cravings (other than not being able to tolerate sugar, which as sad as it is, I guess in the scheme of things laying off the cakes, brownies, and milkshakes isn't such a bad thing after all.) The only two things that have really affected me are the fact that I'm tired all the time and the fact that my heart rate sky rockets to 180 at a 12 minute pace. Oh, and the fact that I feel "thick." Not fat, not bloated, just really really heavy. It's the weirdest feeling and the first one that I'll be glad to see go, come 2011.

But, back to my heart rate. I really thought I was going to run this thing out. I envisioned myself finishing a 5k at 7 months pregnant and nothing short of a 9 minute pace. Really. I thought "if Paula Radcliffe can do it, so can I." That's what I envisioned. Instead, my vision has turned to more of a walk/crawl at a 15 minute pace, and my heart rate is still hovering around 155 at that pace.

Seriously.

I participated in my first pregnant 5k last Saturday. I figured whatever I ran it in would make a pregnant-PR! Last year my time for this race was 24:31. This year.....44:56. Humbling, isn't it? I started out with a light jog at a 12 minute pace and realized 1/4 mile in that I wasn't going to be able to keep that up. It's my heart rate, the humidity and the fact that while I've only gained 2 pounds, I feel like I've gained 200. So, I stopped and walked. The rest of the race. On the plus side, I got to cheer every one of my friends on as they whizzed past me at the turn around. And I made some new friends back there in the back of the pack. And I didn't come in last. But, I did get beat by some girl who was 6 months pregnant...so I consoled myself by reminding myself that come 2011 I'll be able to run faster than her anyway.

Tomorrow I'm going to participate in another 5k. This one will be flat and I'm hoping to try out the run/walk/run method. My brother will be there and will beat me. I think he's pretty excited about the prospect. Actually, I think most of the people in my age group are happy about this turn of events as well.

Everyone tells me one of two things: 1. That they were able to run throughout their entire pregnancy (and just as a side note, when people say that I have to restrain myself from causing them bodily injury) or 2. That I will feel much better and my heart rate will slow down in the second trimester (those people always get hugs from me.)

So, for now the Grasshopper will be doing more walking than running. I'll be okay with that - it's a mental break from training hard - a mental break from running hard - a mental break from racing.

Come to think of it, it's almost like I'm taking one for the Tarpley Team, right? (I like to remind Troy of all the things I'm giving up for this endeavour - running, margaritas, coffee with caffeine in it, ice cream, the luxury of being able to sleep an entire night without having to get up to go to the bathroom, beer, cute clothes...and the list goes on....)

Have a great weekend and if you can't run hard, walk fast!

I'M NOT A GOOD SECRET KEEPER

2010-04-26T13:25:00.002-05:00

I never have been, and I'm doubting that at almost 34 years of age, I ever will be. Now don't get me wrong - if you tell me a secret, mums the word! But, if I have a secret about myself...well...it's not kept secret for very long. I've been that way my entire life...my mother used to say "telephone - telegraph - teleAmy." I just talked alot as a kid...and now even as an adult I find it hard to just be quiet.

At any rate, yesterday I was laying in bed thinking about this blog post. What was I going to say? How was I going to say it? I began to think about why people hold this type of secret. I know for most it's because if something were to happen they would not want to face everyone's questions, consoling, and general chatter about said situation. And I thought about me: I'm not afraid to talk about anything, even if it is going to hurt. I also thought about crying. If the secret got out, but then didn't come true would I cry every time someone talked about it?

Let me back up a minute. When I was a kid, I was CRYER. I cried about everything from my hair, to my mean sister, to the way some boy looked at me, to my mean brother, to the way my hair looked (the disposition of my hair always seemed to turn on the water works.) Something happened in my mid to late 20's. I finally realized that crying was not going to change a single thing about my situation....my hair would still look awful regardless of how much crying I did. I finally learned to grow up, take matters into my own hands, and fix the things that needed fixing (including the mop on my noggin.) As a matter of fact, Troy has seen me cry twice in the last five years - once when he asked me to marry him (at that time he had NEVER seen me cry so he thought something was wrong) and once when the combination of wedding planning-work-grad school-studying for the CPA exam just got the best of me.

I was thinking about all of this and how it would intertwine itself into a blog post, while I was still lying in bed.

And then I got my lazy carcass up and went to church.

To my amazement, our pastor spoke on Revelations 7:13 -

For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.

And it hit me like a ton of bricks. I need not worry about spilling the beans and then being sad if something happens - because for whatever tears I may have, will be wiped away by the hand of God.

So there.

I'm pregnant.

And I (we) couldn't be happier about it!!! It's our first so we are just super-excited about it all! Okay, maybe not "about it all"...but take away the body morphing, the sleepless nights (which I'm already experiencing), and the mood swings (which contrary to what my mother will tell you, have not begun.)

Another side note about the pastor: I saw him in a department store a month or so ago and he was inquiring about my running - I told him that it pretty much sucked and I wasn't sure why. He looked at me and told me it was my body's way of getting ready for a baby. I thought he was crazy, at the time, but I guess he knew what he was talking about because I was actually pregnant when he told me that!

Now, as for running...well....I have discovered that I'm not Paula Radcliffe (shocking, huh?)...While I've not been maintaining any sort of super-sonic speed, or even mileage worth talking about, I have been maintaining a pseudo-run schedule that RC is still in charge of. Of course, my on pace strides have been replaced with "bun in the oven strides" and my new easy pace has creeped back up to my old easy pace. But, I'm running "singing in the rain" paces these days and loving every minute of it. My goal is to walk 1 mile and run 3 everyday. If I can accomplish that, well, then I will consider myself lucky!

So, there...now that my little secret is out I can finally go back to blogging on a regular basis!

MIA

2010-04-20T07:19:00.002-05:00

I'm not really totally MIA...just got a lot going on...that I can't really talk about here...not right now anyway. Stick around though, as I'll have a great blog post in the next week or so....

DON'T RUN WITH THAT....spaghetti sauce?

2010-04-01T07:36:00.004-05:00

My mother always told us not to run with scissors in our hands. I can still hear her voice in my head...painful and annoying...

"don't run with those scissors in your HAND!"

What my mom failed to mention though was to not run with anything sharp in our hands. Case in point: when my younger sister was about 3 years old, she was running through the house with a butter knife. (Don't ask me why a 3 year old was in possession of a butter knife, much less running with it.) My mom, as good as she was (except for that part about letting kids play with cutlery), never told us not to run with a butter knife in our hands -in our house, apparently scissors were the only danger. As I remember the story, Beckie was running down the three stairs from our kitchen to our living room, tripped over something, and stabbed herself in the knee with the butter knife - that fleshy part right below the knee cap. I can still see it in my mind just like it happened yesterday.

I should probably give full disclosure at this point: I was a pretty popular kid (not sure what has happened in my adult years), so while I have this entire story entrenched in my brain, the reality is that I probably wasn't even home when it happened. I'm sure I was on a play date with one of the other neighborhood five year olds. But, I've heard the story so many times, I have convinced myself that I really was there when it happened.

Fast forward 29 years, and I have discovered that my mom forgot to warn me of a few other things like: 1) when grilling kabobs, never put the vegetables on the same skewer as the meat; 2) running with a 28 ounce can of tomatoes in my hand is impossible; and 3) the biggie: regardless of how much tequila I have, I will NEVER be a good singer. (I'm going to give her a pass on the last one because I think she's had three drinks in her entire life - so how would she have known that margarita-induced karoaking was going to be so painful and annoying to everyone else.)

But, look at number two above: again, for a second time in my life, she failed to tell me that running with objects, other than scissors, and more specifically a can of tomatoes could be dangerous!

Now, you might be thinking: how in the world would I know that run + tomatoes = disaster?

I know because that is exactly what I did yesterday.

I needed a run.

I need fire roasted tomatoes.

I live exactly 1.3 miles from a grocery store and I run right past it for any respectable length of a run (and by "respectable" I mean 3 miles).

You see where I'm going with this, right? It's a logical combination....

So, I left my house...running shoes on and $5 in my teeny-tiny running shorts pocket. My original goal was to get a jar of spaghetti sauce to go with the leftover pasta in the fridge. I thought it would be smart to get most of my run out of the way prior to stopping by the grocery store, to minimize the amount of time I'd be running with a jar of Classico. (Note to self: I love how I thought any of this idea was "smart.")

As I got closer to my destination, I started to wonder if running with a glass jar would really be such a swift idea. What if my hands were sweaty and I dropped it? Then I'd have to contend with glass on the sidewalk, possibility of getting sauce all over my brand spanking new Saucony's, and well, then I'd be left with plain, boring pasta for dinner. I quickly flashed back to the latest episode of The Biggest Loser, where Victoria is making dinner (also known as "another product plug for Ziploc") and she adds a can of tomatoes to some chicken, vegetables, and pasta! Problem solved: I'll grab a can of fire roasted tomatoes (add a bunch of other leftovers in the fridge) and make a delicious pasta dinner!

When I arrived at the store I decided that I needed to purchase a bottle of water as well. Not only for the rehydration factor, but also to even out the weight on my hands (another note to self: a 20oz bottle of water does not feel the same in your hand as a 28oz can of tomatoes). I also decided to place the tomatoes in a plastic grocery bag (which I despise) so that I could wrap the handles around my hand...you know...ease in carrying, right?

Wrong. For starters, every time I began to run up a hill, the bag took on a life of it's own...swaying back and forth, narrowly missing a club to the hip bone. Second, do you want to know how gross that plastic feels in your hand once they begin to sweat? Yeah, it's that nasty. Add in the fact that the change from my purchase is jingling around in my itty bitty shorts pocket, the water in the bottle is swishing back and forth...and oh yeah, it's nearly impossible to run with something in each hand. Trust me on this one. So, I was really running with everything in one hand, at an angle because that side was weighing me down, and I'm pretty sure I sounded like a Salvation Army bell ringer to everyone I passed. Oh, I should also mention that I looked like an idiot.

About a half mile into my mile run home, I decided that walking was not only in my best interest, it was my only option. So, I made it home in one piece, well hydrated (I figured if I was going to walk, I might as well drink that bottle of water), and dinner was delicious.

In other words: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

And no, I won't be multitasking like that ever again.

But here's the part where you can get nauseous and hate me: as I neared the house, I spotted Troy getting in my car. I wondered "where is he off to in such a hurry?" I crested the driveway, he saw me and parked the car...turns out he had arrived home from work, looked at Facebook and noticed my status update said something to the effect that I was running to the store, literally, multitasking at it's finest. So, my sweet kind adorable husband decided to come find me and retrieve said sauce so I could finish my run empty handed! How sweet (disgustingly sweet) is that??

Have a great Thursday!

I'M A POSER

2010-03-21T15:59:00.002-05:00

This is the last post you'll hear on this topic: I promise.

I have decided to stop trying to figure out why I don't want to run faster and just start running. Yeah, I know...it's a novel idea [insert sarcasm], and to most people, they probably just think I need some more Prozac. BUT to you runners out there, I know you totally get what I'm saying.

Here's the lowdown:

I've spent the last 4 1/2 months trying to figure out why I don't want to run. Actually, it's not that I don't want to run - I just don't want to run fast.

There. I said it.

I don't know why I don't want to run fast (and if Dr. Laura were reading this blog, she'd totally disapprove of that line - but she doesn't read my blog...and that I am sure of.) I just know that when I think about it, I get heart burn and a headache.

And on top of all the heartburn and headaches, I've been spending all this time trying to figure out why I don't want to run fast - and in a strange turn of events, I've basically just stopped running at all. Weird, isn't it? I've had this mind set that if I don't run "for a purpose of running faster" then I shouldn't be running at all. So, every morning I get up and torture myself throughout the entire day with the thought that "I'm going to run fast as soon as I get off of work." And guess what? I never "get off of work."

You see, someone forgot to tell me that when you are self-employed, you job never ends. (Note to all you self-employed peeps: That would have been super-helpful information...oh I don't know...like 9 months ago!)

So by the end of the day - while work is still going on around me - I'm stressed and I'm tired (yes, just like everyone else on this planet) - and then I start to think about running fast and I get more stressed and more tired. So, I take the easy way out: I just don't run at all.

And like the big cycle that is life: when I don't run, I get even more stressed out, which makes me even tired-er.

It makes no sense. I can see that, but I can't convince myself at the end of the day to "just go run even if it is slow and easy." I just can't. I've ingrained in myself that if I'm not running fast, I shouldn't be running at all.

Let me make a caveat here: at no time, and in no way, shape, or form has RC or Team POD ingrained this in me. I've done it to myself. I can ASSURE you that if RC had his way, I would be doing what made me happy 1st and foremost, whether it be running, unicycling, or hang gliding...Team POD rocks...always.

In other words, they are not the problem. I am the problem.

Really though, in an effort to make sure that the people who like me will continue to like me, I've got to take my stress level down a couple of notches. I need to take a step back and do some things that some people won't like (including me) so that in the end I can be doing some things that I love.

And running to "get faster" is one of those things that I've got take a step back from. In other words: I'm bailing out on Team POD.

Whew....I can't believe I just said that.

Of course, I won't be taking a running hiatus. If I've learned one thing these last few months, it's that I love to just running for the sake of running. No time, no speed, no expectations. Just me, my shoes, and anyone else who wants to run alongside me. (Besides that, I really don't want to get fat so quitting running will never be an option.) I'll also still be posting to my blog but you might read more about how the increase in pollen has made my snot rockets a hazy shade of yellow. And yes, I'll still be at the races but I'll probably be running with the cutest 9-year old you've ever seen (or both of them!)

In other words, I'll still be here, but it will be a different Running Amy - one with much less stress, much less heart burn, and a much happier husband.

MY DRUG OF CHOICE

2010-03-04T14:53:00.003-05:00

After this post two days ago, I woke up yesterday feeling rejuvenated and refreshed (as a side note: I'm not sure I've ever used the term "rejuvenated" in my life). I felt like I had control over my little piece of the world. I was just going to take the day as it came, and move on. Get done what I could, and not sweat the rest.

Within 30 minutes of jumping out of bed, I was...you guessed it...making more lists. I needed more shampoo. I needed to remind myself that it was trash day. I needed to grab milk on the way home.

I started to wonder if I needed to be committed.

Sheesh. I couldn't even make it an entire 24 hours without making another list!?!?!

Fortunately, my faithful blog readers came to the rescue and gave me a load of tips and strategies to keep the list making but pare down on the amount of things on the lists.

For example, Anne told me she only gives herself 8 things to do in day. Fantastic idea! I love it. And then I compared it to my Tuesday list...I had 36 things that I was going to accomplish on Tuesday...36 things people.

Who does that?

Again, I'm started to wonder if I need some meds for this madness.

So, mid-day I decided to take some action on the tips from my fearless readers, and just schedule 8 things for the following day. Today. I made running first and foremost on the list because it's the thing that keeps me from really needing to be committed. It's the thing that keeps me sane, keeps me married, and above all, keeps me from getting fat. I was a little nervous about putting it as "Thing #1" and more importantly, I wondered if I'd follow through with a 7am run in 30 degree weather...I don't like early. I don't like cold. The combination of both makes me give up, on most days, before I even give it a try.

But, I did it. I got my carcass out of bed in enough time to do my pre-morning routine (make Troy's lunch, get his schedule together, and get a load of laundry in the washer). And then I headed out. I only ran 3 miles. I just wanted to make sure I could do it and not feel miserable or achy or craptastic. If I came home feeling like I'd just run the easiest run of my life, well then, I knew I'd be up for the challenge tomorrow. So, I did it...but what I didn't expect was that I actually enjoyed it. It wasn't as painful as I had imagined. I was able to run alot faster than I had expected. And never once did I feel like I was sucking wind. I even discovered that two pair of gloves, a beanie hat, and neck to ankles Underarmour was being completely overdressed for the 30 degree occasion.

It's awesome and spectacular and I realized that I don't need some crazy pill to make me less OCD...I just need to run - my drug of choice.

Have a great Thursday!

AN EXPERIMENT IN INSANITY...OR REALITY...

2010-03-02T18:05:00.002-05:00

I'm getting ready to do something really out of character.

I'm shredding my "To Do List" notebook (yes, it encompasses an entire notebook), and I'm deleting all of my 200+ emails from my inbox (including the 80 that I haven't read yet).

Why am I doing something so crazy?

Well, because I'm losing it. I am being overcome by the "to do list" blues, micromanaging my life to the 'nth degree, and succumbing to a life of task after task after task.

If you've known me for, oh, I don't know...about 10 seconds...you know that I'm extremely organized. I probably make people uncomfortable with just how organized I can be. Looking for a spice at my house? Well, just resort to the list posted inside the cabinets...you can find your cinnamon on shelf 2, and your tarragon on shelf 1 (in the back - because they are alphabetized - but you knew that, right?). Wondering where to throw your dirty towels? Why, in the laundry basket LABELED "Towels", silly! Six different baskets all labeled to p-e-r-f-e-c-t-i-o-n! Whites, darks, delicates, sheets, towels, and even workout clothes don't have to fraternize with each other - except on those often occasions that Troy forgets that white basic tees are not washed the same as white workout tees, and hence don't belong in the same basket together. And if you're ever at my house and need a book to read, you can find workout, nutrition, and activity-related books (kayaking, hiking, cycling, etc) on the shelves in the gym....fiction in the tv cabinet in my office...and all nonfiction on the shelf in the living room. Bibles and other religious related readings are on the 2nd shelf in the living room.

This sort of perfection in all things organized does not come easy. It requires an entire notebook dedicated to not forgetting to do a single thing. Everything that needs to be done gets put on the list. Big things like "pay electric bill"....to small things like "get red ink for estimate stamp." Really. If it needs to get done, it gets put on the list. Whether its personal, like "get eyebrows waxed" or business related, like "follow up on so-and-so's late payment" or volunteer related, like "order more singlets." Nothing is too insignificant to make the list.

And therein lies the problem.

The list is consuming me. Not only do I write everything down, but I also really in my heart of hearts believe that I'm going to get it all done...one day...this week. Every week is the same...more stuff added...a few things completed...and constant defeat that I didn't get it all done. I go to bed thinking about the list....I wake up thinking about the list...when I leave the house, I might forget my phone, but I NEVER forget the list.

I got an email from RC yesterday and it said this: "Life if short. The whole reason you left the base [my old job with the Air Force] was supposed to be to enjoy a better quality of life. I think that should include some running :)"

I've thought about that email all day. What is the quality of life that I want? When I die do I want people to say "Wow, that Amy, she sure could get a lot done!" Or would I rather them say "Wow, hate to see her go, but man she led a great life!"

The path that I'm on right now...the one where I'm OCD (there, I said it) about the details...the one where fun doesn't exist because while I'm supposed to be doing something fun, I'm constantly thinking about all the other things I should be doing...the one where Troy just gets sick and tired of hearing me talk about how sick and tired I am...yeah, that path? Well, it sucks!

It reminded me that some of the BEST runs I've ever had, are the ones where I don't have anything else to do. I haven't had one THOSE kind of runs since I left the base. And yes, I know being the owners wife does make me a lot more responsible for many more things...but it doesn't have to always be about "what else can I get done?" Sometimes it can just be about making things happen within realistic means, with realistic time frames. Heck, Troy's been running this show for 11 years without me and he's the most unorganized person I've ever met (okay, not the "most" but pretty darn close). And guess what? His life? Totally stress free. He doesn't sweat the details or get bogged down with time management. He just does what's right, right now, and moves on. I bet all of his runs are BEST runs ever.

So, in an effort to get my life back...do things that are FUN and enjoy them at the same time...and just stop worrying about the details, I'm getting rid of the list. Starting over. At square one. I'm going to try it for a week...no list...no details...if it needs to get done, I'll do it right then or not at all. Hopefully, the week will turn into two weeks and three weeks, and before I know it...well, it will be a lifetime of being "list-free."

CANTRELL 5K

2010-02-28T11:17:00.006-05:00

Yesterday was the 2nd annual Cantrell Center 5k. It's a tough course, mainly because the last mile is one GIANT hill. I don't have much love for this race, mainly since it's still too cold, in my opinion, to be sporting little shorty shorts and a singlet at 7am. Don't get me wrong, those folks at the Cantrell Center do a fantastic job of putting this thing on...I just wish it were in April or October or any other month where the average temps are above 60 degrees. At any rate, I had to go to the race because I got a free race entry from my favorite running store: Run Fit Sports.

(Note: I voluntarily signed up for the free race entry so any and all complaining about how cold it was or how difficult the course was is completely, and 100% my fault.)

So, I dreaded it and kept telling Troy that if weren't for that dreaded free entry, I'd stay at home in the confines of my warm bed.

When will it ever warm up around here???

At any rate, I carpooled to the race with Angela and boy was I thankful we decided to ride together. She's been going through the same bouts of un-lovingness for all things running faster, just the same as I have been. It was nice to spend 30 minutes comparing over-taxed schedules, unmotivation, and how much we both despise this cold weather. It really was nice to talk to someone else who is my similar shoes (no pun intended...unless you like puns, of course).

We arrived at the race and went to pick our packet's up. Upon entering the packet area, I spotted Runner Ashley. She's a 16 year old who frequents our Tuesday night track workouts and really is just a very sweet girl. I don't know why I did it...but I asked her if she'd like me to pace her on the race. She's relatively new to running, doesn't have a great coaching staff at her very small school, and therefore suffers in knowing what to do to get faster. She ran a 5k last weekend in 34 minutes. She's good as gold, until about mile 2 where she's spent, gives up, and decides to walk the rest of the way. I didn't want to run this race, so I figured it would be a perfect opportunity to take the pressure off of myself and do something for someone else. She didn't really have any goal in mind. Just to run faster and not give up. In my mind, I wanted to help her break 30 minutes and NEVER stop running.

At the start, I just told her to stay next to me. If she started having trouble, to just stay one step behind me. I'd get her to the finish, show her she can run faster than she thinks, and that she can do all of that and not die! We began at a 9 minute pace. I figured if I could just keep her there for the 1st mile, she would have enough energy to get through the hills without stopping.

I talked and talked and talked. Probably doesn't surprise anyone....I was having a ball. No pressure. Just solid encouragement for someone in need. She did really well through the first 1.5 miles. We came to some rolling hills and I told her to just let gravity take her down them, and use that momentum to climb back up. I was actually surprised to see that she didn't stop once! Around mile 2, the climb for the last hill begins...you can see it coming so it wasn't like I could hide it from her. She asked to stop at the water station. I told her she could grab water but to just keep on running. She did it! As we began the climb to the top of the hill, she began to get frustrated. She kept saying she couldn't do it. Everything hurt. She really just wanted to stop and give up. I kept telling her to keep going, that she wasn't losing much time on the hills, and to focus on the people she could pass. By the time we got to the top of the hill all she could say was "I can't do this." And I'd say "Yes you can." And she'd follow with "I can't do this." And again, I'd just say "Yes you can." I started repeating my mantra to her, the one I say over and over again when things get tough:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13

She probably thought I was crazy but I just kept saying it to her over and over again. We rounded the turn...less than .20 of a mile to go. We could see the finish line....I told her to start sprinting...do what she is good at. She began crying. At a 7:45 pace....lol. She had no idea she was running that fast. And she just kept crying as she crossed the finish line in 28 minutes and 57 seconds! Her step-dad came over and asked me why she was crying. I patted her on the back and told him "those are tears of joy." She agreed.

I was really proud of her. She never stopped once. She did everything I told her to do even when she didn't want to. A little Grasshopper in the making! I really was proud of her.

Now, I have to get myself back in the game. I've run about 20 miles this week. Not stellar but better than many of the past few (several, many) weeks. Maybe the warm weather will show up soon and I'll make more time for it. Maybe...just maybe.

THE SMORGASBORD ENTRY

2010-02-24T10:06:00.002-05:00

1st and foremost: Running. I've rekindled my romance with running and I'm back to loving speedwork, looking forward to a TEMPO run (yes, I really just said that - and lightening didn't strike), and just having a jolly good time doing what I do well - Run. I even jumped into an unplanned 5k on Saturday, and while I didn't beat my own personal record, I beat my record on the same course from last year. Score one for Running Amy. I have also run two solid days in a row and even convinced myself to run almost 2 miles farther than I had planned to on Monday. Things are looking up for me in the world of running and I couldn't be more happy about it.

2nd: Work. Holy cow I can't get organized. One of these days....one of these really long days, I'm going to get things in order. Really. It's driving me nuts. And the fact that we will be moving into another business venture in May...well...I guess I sortof feel like an expectant mother (and just so you know, I'm not one.) I always hear how moms-to-be run around there homes getting everything in order before said baby arrives. I feel like I'm getting ready to birth a new opportunity and I ~~need~~ NEED to get my house in order before that day. One of these days...I swear...I'm going to get it together.

3rd: Volunteerism. Really. Need I say more? I totally and 100% understand why so many people do not like to get involved with anything that would require them to be a volunteer. The drama. The chaos. The lack of communication. Sometimes it makes me want to throw in the towel and scream "UNCLE!" (by the way, if I volunteer for your organization and you're scratching your head trying to figure out if I'm talking about you...well, fear not...it's not about you...I can assure you of that).

4th: Old blog entries. Almost 4 years ago, I wrote a blog post about a certain fitness center that doesn't have the level of customer service that I (or anyone else on this planet) should have to deal with. You can click on the link above and read for yourself. Why am I bringing this up? Because...here...almost 4 years later...I am still getting emails from people who have had problems with this place. And not small problems, mind you. My latest email came from a mother who has a daughter who is attending one of our local universities. The daughter applied for a job at the fitness center and was told that she had to sign up for a membership in order to work there. So she did. And guess what? She didn't get the job. Read the comments section on that post...it goes on for days...well, years in this case. I'm not sure why I'm bringing it back up. I guess I'm hoping that one of my community buddies who works for the paper might be interested in doing a story on it...or maybe I'm just hoping that one more person doesn't fall into a death trap with this center...it's such a shame...such a shame.

So, there you have it...your smorgasbord of what's going on in Amy's Running Life.

Until next time....

I'M VENTURING BACK OUT....

2010-02-15T19:40:00.003-05:00

Yes...finally...my little hiatus is over. It ~~was fun~~ sucked while it lasted...

It was nerve-wracking and aggravating and somewhat depressing to know that I can run...physically, I can do it...but mentally...not so much. Big giant note to self: next winter don't take any time off...it's too dang hard to get back into it!

But, that's the past and now I'm moving on. I got an email from RC this morning that said Team POD needs me....so like Super Woman to her cape, I am putting my shoes back on and heading out for a real live track work out....filled with speed, and pain, and oh, alot of fun...

Bring it on.

Troy and I visited some family this weekend in NC. Saturday morning we were driving down a street and I spotted this sign:

I mean, how cool is that? Troy thinks it used to be a restaurant...with a name like that, I don't have to wonder long why it's out of business. I wanted to call the owner and buy that sign. Troy thought I was a dork.

I have absolutely nothing interesting, inspiring or earth-shattering to say today...which means I need to run. I come up with most of my blog material while I'm running....yes, while I'm pounding out the miles, I think about you guys.

Now, doesn't that just make your Monday night?

"THE SUCCESS PRINCIPLES"

2010-02-11T08:45:00.003-05:00

I'm currently ~~reading~~ devouring this book: "The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be." And holy cow...if you are interested in being successful at anything from running a sub-20 minute 5k to becoming the first person to walk a dog on a tight rope to being a cajillionaire before you die...well, this is the book for you.

It certainly is for me. It has helped put so much of the last 7 or 8 months into perspective.

Since I left my cushy, do-what-I-want-to-when-I-want-to government job, I've been sort of lost. I can't seem to get into a routine...pre-quitting-of-the-job, routine was my way of life. The job never called for more than I could accomplish in 4 or 5 hours in a day so I'd spend the rest of the day working on volunteer projects, catching up on blog posting, or running - I was able to spend at least 30 minutes of my work day, on the clock, running! Sometimes I'd even take the afternoon off work, come home to clean the house, and then even take a nap for good measure. Then you throw in all of those government holidays and my AWS (alternate work schedule, which meant I was able to take every other Friday off), and no wonder I felt like Super Woman. I could do ANYTHING because my job didn't require the majority of my time.

Fast forward to the life of being self-employed...and wow....are things different. Not different - BAD - just different. I have not been able to get into a routine to save my life...whether it's a routine of getting daily tasks completed or a routine of getting in those miles pounding the pavement....I just haven't been able to do it....haven't been able to accomplish it all...haven't found that super-hero feeling.

Now, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't leave my current job for all the money in the world. I love it. I finally feel like I'm making a difference. When I see that bottom line every month, I get to smile knowing that I had a hand in making that happen. When our employees get to take a vacation with their kids, I get to smile knowing that we were able to help them get to a point where taking a vacation was an option. When a customer calls to tell me how pleased she is with the repair one of our guys did, I get to smile knowing that we have the best employees in the world. I love it, and nothing can take away the daily pride I have in knowing that with what we are currently doing, we are successful beyond measure.

And that's where my warped sense of working-as-a-government-employee perception causes me problems. I'm used to the routines. The schedules. The days that aren't ever overbooked. I'm used to sitting in the warmth of security...the lap of knowing that for all intents and purposes I'd never get fired. And it's that security that causes me to take less risks, reach out to potential opportunities, or go out on a limb for what might just be a failure. It's like a baby sitting in poop. It's warm and it's mine. Right?

We are about to embark on a risk. To Troy, the consummate entrepreneur, it's just another exciting adventure in life. To me, well, it's got me paralyzed. I've had such a hard time being on board. I want to jump off of that diving board...I really do. But what if I do jump and I find out I can't swim? What if I jump only to find out that the pool's only 3 feet deep? What if I jump and there is no one there to save me? So, instead of finding out if I can swim, I just choose to stand at the end of the diving board...shivering...scared...humiliated...waiting for everyone to stop staring so I can climb back down the stairs to the warmth and security of having my feet firmly planted on the ground.

Until yesterday. And the book. And specifically Principles 13 (Take Action), 14 (Just Lean Into It), and 15 (Experience Your Fear and Take Action Anyway).

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step. -Martin Luther King Jr.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. It was like my entire life flashing before my eyes...right here in this book. I don't "take action." I wait for action to happen to me. I don't "just lean into it". I wait for it to fall on me. I do "experience my fear" on a daily basis, but I have never been one to "take action anyway." It was everything that has made me what I am today. Conservative, reserved, fearful, riskless. And while yes, I've had an amazingly wonderful life being on the straight and narrow path, what would my life be like if I took a leap of faith? Jumped off that diving board? Faced my fears head on, and moved past them? And more importantly, what about the future? Can I continue to be successful without taking risks? Should I break away from that mold I've made for myself and do things I only see other people do? Can I do it? Will I become a failure? Is now that time?

Yes. I do believe it is.

We come this way but once. We can either tiptoe through life and hope that we get to death without being too badly bruised or we can live a full, complete life achieving our goals and realizing our wildest dreams. - Bob Proctor

So, this morning I told Troy I was 100% on board. I am ready to jump of that diving board and for once, I remembered that I can swim....that it's 11 feet deep under that board...and that I'm not doing this all alone, but as part of a very large and encouraging team.

It feels very empowering, very exciting, and ironically not as nerve wracking as I thought it was going to be.

Do you want to be safe and good, or do you want to take a chance and be great? - Jimmy Johnson

So, for now we are pressing forward with vengeance. We don't borrow money (for anything!) so it will be a few months of watching dollar movies, volunteering at races rather than running in them, and saving money to make things happen. I'm excited. I'm optimistic. And strangely enough, I feel like I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

Tomorrow, I'll post about how "The Success Principles" have helped me in the area of running!

Have a great Thursday!

STILL HERE....

2010-02-09T15:28:00.002-05:00

I'm still here....

Just lurking really....

Not really doing a whole lot of running....

Or any, for that matter....

I have decided that I've overextended myself....

Yeah, I know...I think a few of you told me that before...

Well, now I'm finally listening....

And clearing the plate....

Of unnecessary obligations....

Vacuuming is one of those, btw....

And so are alot of other things....

I'm downsizing to a few running related obligations (track club, and OH, running might be nice)..and a few personal obligations (like taking daily showers)....

But, other than those important things....I'm 86'ing the rest of it....

So, don't stand too closely to me....

Because you might be next....(not you Troy!)

DRAMA QUEEN

2010-01-30T14:06:00.003-05:00

I don't like getting up in front of a crowd. During my freshman year in college, I had to give a speech on the pros and cons of year round schooling. I got so nervous that my professor stopped me mid-speech to make sure I was okay. She thought I was getting ready to have a heart attack. Yes, I like to talk...and yes, I may be guilty of trying to be the center of attention on occasion, but in front of crowd where all eyes are on me? Not so much.

So, when it dawned on me two days ago that I might be a tad-bit of a drama queen...well, I decided to do some research....first going where every self-respecting researcher would turn for information: Google.

I found two definitions. The first being "an overly dramatic person." A little vague, and honestly, I didn't get a warm-fuzzy that that definition described my exact situation. I mean, when I think of "dramatic", I think of the cast from Chicago, or anyone who has ever starred on Law and Order, or our very own local drama queen: Katy Thompson. But me...dramatic? Not so much.

On to definition numero dos: "Someone who turns something unimportant into a major deal. Someone who blows things way out of proportion when ever the chance is given."

Okay, that's much better. Sounds...well...exactly like me.

I mean, seriously...who in their right mind would get bent out of shape because the lights aren't separated from the darks? Yeah, that would be me. Who would hyperventilate because the tailor hemmed my pants a 1/10 of inch too short. Yes, that was me with the measuring tape. And who in their right mind would have a complete meltdown because they didn't feel like running. Yep. Me again.

I'm sure my family could throw out quite a few other examples of my hysteria as a child and a young adult. I vaguely remember crying over my hair, my makeup, the color of my jeans, the boy that looked at me, the boy that didn't look at me, the party that I didn't get invited to, and the party that I did get invited to and didn't want to go but my mom was making me go anyway. Yeah, I guess I was a tiny bit of a drama queen as a child.

But honestly, until a few days ago, I thought I had grown out of all of that...oh...like 10 years ago. I guess not.

I am constantly analyzing things (the reason, in my former life, I was so good at being an auditor for the Air Force *pat on the back*). So, it's no surprise to many of you that I've spent the last few days pondering my discovery of being a drama queen. I mean, really, if I go back and look at the things that are such a big deal...well, in reality...yeah...not so much of a big deal. I mean, the people I know...some of them...way bigger deals going on in their lives and you never hear a peep about it.

So, I'm a little embarrassed that I made such a big deal about the fact that I didn't feel like running. In the scheme of things, it's awfully pleasant that I have two legs, right? And I'm a little ashamed that I broadcast my little temper tantrum to the 178 people who clicked on my blog that day. Because really, isn't it just nice that I have the physical fitness to go out and run 5 miles when I do feel like it? And finally, I'm a little disheartened that I cried (yes, I actually cried over that blog post) about my breakup with running. Seriously, isn't it a blessing to know that I'm actually fairly good at something that deep down inside (and on a good day), I really do love to do?

I wonder what most people would give to have the things I take advantage of?

My near-perfect health, my perfect-in-my-eyes husband, my less-than-perfect-family that still loves me despite my faults, my dream job, the fact that I don't have to worry about finances...the list could go on....instead of celebrating these things and the wonderful opportunities I have in my life...I throw a hissy fit. Nice. Super nice.

So, I think at age 33, it's probably time to retire that tiara. Give it to someone who rightfully deserves it...like...oh...my 9 year old niece...or better yet, leave the drama for people who are actually good at it, like Katy Thompson! Yes, I think it's probably time to put on my big girl panties* and take the minor snafus of life with a little grace, a little charm, and a lot of laughter.

Have a great weekend!

*please spare your comments...it's a figure of speech.

BACK TO REALITY

2010-01-29T14:56:00.002-05:00

First of all, let me say THANKS to all of you who posted to my blog, sent me an email, texted me, or just showed up at my house to tell me that I am ~~crazy~~ completely normal. For the record, only RC told me I was insane and he didn't specifically say I was nuts, but that generally most women runners have a little bit of crazy going on inside. He lives in a house, not only with three women, but three women athletes, so he is definitely in the know when it comes to crazy-speak.

At any rate, I'm fine now. Thanks to everyone telling me they were or are currently going through the same things, I've deduced that it's probably just a combination of being tired and this craptastic weather that have just made me not want to put forth the effort.

The biggest thing I've taken away from this (besides that I have some really great friends, and one awesome older brother) is that it's okay to feel less than motivated from time to time. It's just a part of the cycle of life.

I haven't run in almost a week and I don't feel one iota of guilt about it. I'm just catching up, cooking dinner at a reasonable hour, and hanging out with friends and family. Tonight is the Urban Cowboy party and I'm looking forward to staying out late and sleeping in even later....because you can do that when you don't have a race to run or a Quality Workout to do at 7am on Saturday.

Maybe if you're lucky I'll post some pictures of the party...

I plan on starting back with running next week. A no-pressure, no-frills kind of running. As many miles as I feel like it, as slow as I want to go.

Have a great weekend!

WHAT IS IT?

2010-01-26T10:13:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure what's going on with me lately. I can't believe I'm about to say this....

I'm just not interested in running.

Well, not running fast anyway.

I think about speedwork and my head starts to ache.

I think about a TEMPO and I break my arm, get a shin splint, or come down with a raging cold (okay, the arm thing was a little dramatic, but you get where I'm going with this.)

I'm just totally, 100 percent not invested in this.

And for the love of all things running, I can't figure out why.

And it's driving me absolutely bonkers.

It started several months ago. I thought that maybe it was because I didn't have a concrete goal. So I made one. And two. And ten. None of them seemed to light that inner-runner-fire in me.

Then I thought it was because I needed a definitive, written schedule to follow. So I made one. And two. And ten. Again, nothing. Not one of them made me want to go and run my heart out.

Then I thought it was work. And my new job that seems to not ever end. I guess that's what happens when your self-employed. The job keeps going day and night. Our official hours are 8am to 6pm. So I decided to try and get all my runs in at 7am. I tried one day. And two days. And ten days. And while I loved running at those times, I found that I struggled with making myself run fast on those mornings. I could get up and run 6 easy miles. But, include some speed, hills, intervals, tempos? Nope, couldn't muster up the energy to do anything but run easy. So, I did what made me feel better....I just gave up on trying to run at 7am.

And now, here I sit. With nothing. No enthusiasm. No inner-runner-fire. No mojo.

It's weird because I see race results or read others stories about their awesome PR at a local race and I think "wow, I want to do that." But then I can't find the energy to follow through with it. I know I don't have nearly the amount of work on my plate as others, but I feel overwhelmed and training to run fast just seems like something else on my endless list of to-dos. I don't know how to find that person that I was just a year ago when the possibilities of getting faster were just endless. At the time, I thought nothing would stand in my way of getting faster. And now, here I sit with this giant invisible roadblock.

Is it burnout? Is it laziness? Am I overworked? Am I putting too much pressure on myself?

What is it?

I am certain that I can't move on until I figure out what it is. I don't want to hang up my running shoes. I love running. I love going out for a 10 mile run with the wind at my back and the sun in my face. I love running a 5k and finding out that I finished it faster than I did a year ago. I love running with my friends. I love talking about running, especially to someone who doesn't think they could ever do it. I don't dislike running. I am sure of that. But, I'm beginning to feel like a quitter...

If you've gone through this before, PLEASE post a comment. I need all the advice I can get!

NEW YEAR...NEW CHALLENGES

2010-01-08T12:12:00.002-05:00

It's no secret that I've been sort of slack lately. I felt like I had just lost my lovin' feeling with running. I just couldn't get excited about it. Sure, I'd make some crazy insane goal (read: Boston) in hopes that training for it would make me excited. I'm here to report that it didn't. It actually did quite the opposite and made running seem more like a work-challenge, than a fun-challenge.

So, I figured I'd just spend a few weeks of running easy and see where the time takes me.

Yeah, that wasn't exciting either. I just find it really hard to motivate myself to go run 5 easy miles. Sounds so simple, but is ridiculously difficult.

Enter RC and his new and jazzy ways to change things up.

He sent our little team an email yesterday analyzing his running. He had lost some speed towards the tail end of 2009 and wanted to know why. After some serious spreadsheet work, and some pretty graphs, he discovered that the thing that changed was a remarkable decrease in mileage when it came to TEMPOS, Marathon Pace, and Interval training. Sure, he had been consistent with mileage, but as far as those three key ingredients above? Yeah, not so consistent.

So, he decided to take the data from the last 3 months leading up to his biggest PR for the year (which was Labor Day - he had like 16 of them but that was the best), and increase the TEMPOs, Marathon Pace, and Interval mileage by 20-30% for the next 90 days. See what happens, right?

And then he challenged all of us to do the same.

And well, I'm always up for a good challenge.

So, off I go to sort, analyze, tabulate, make graphical representations of my data for June, July, and August 2009. And guess what?

I was shocked at what I saw.

26 miles of TEMPO
24 miles of Marathon Pace
24 miles of Intervals

I hate TEMPOs. I mean I really really HATE them. But, I did more of them during that 3 months period than the other, much easier runs? And I still had an awesome PR at the Labor Day Road Race? Really? I did that?

And even discounting the fact that I ran more TEMPOS than the others...now...6 months later...I could totally double those numbers in 90 days. 26 miles of TEMPO is only about 3 miles a week. I'm in easy for a 4-miler once a week. And Marathon Pace? I could do 24 miles of that in my sleep! Heck I could do 48 miles of in my sleep!

You see where this is going, right?

Ummm, yeah, I got really EXCITED about running. For once in a very very long time. I don't have to focus on a sub-23 minute 5k time goal, or a 1:45 Half marathon goal, or an 8 minute TEMPO pace. I just have to focus on knocking out 52 miles of TEMPO runs and 48 miles of Marathon Pace and another 48 miles of Intervals.

(You know I couldn't just take the 20% challenge...I had to see the challenge and raise it to 50%. It's the overachiever in me.)

I can't decide if I'm more EXCITED about being EXCITED about running again, or if I'm more EXCITED about running for a purpose again! I can actually see myself meeting this goal and proving RC's theory is correct. I can actually see myself running because I want to...because I need to achieve this goal...because I have a goal that is fun...and more importantly because I can!

BIPOLAR RUNNER

2009-12-30T16:24:00.002-05:00

Let me get something out of the way before I write this lengthy post: I understand that there are alot of people out there who really suffer from bipolarness (is that a word?) and by no means am I making fun of them or downgrading their affliction. So, with that out of the way....

I've come to the conclusion today that I am a Bipolar Runner. One minute I'm UP! and I love running and the next minute I'm down and running is the last thing in the world that I want to do. This affliction does not affect any other part of my life. I promise. Just running and running alone...okay, and maybe sometimes laundry, and maybe sometimes cleaning. On second thought, I'm always down about those tasks, so no Mom, I don't think I need to be medicated for my "issues".

At any rate, last week I was UP! and declared to the world, or at least to everyone who got my Christmas card letter and to everyone who reads this blog (which is a big world, by the way) that I was running the Boston Marathon in 2011. Well, here I am just a few short days later declaring to all you blog readers and stalkers alike, that I am not, in fact, running the Boston Marathon in 2011. I would notify my Christmas card letter receivers but that would really be pushing this whole situation over the edge...and be ridiculous...and be a waste of time....and they should be reading my blog anyway.

Where was I?

Oh, so I'm not doing it. I don't plan on training for a Boston Qualifying marathon in 2010, or any marathon for that matter. As odd as it sounds, the idea of running another marathon (at this point in my life) does not sound fun. Really. The entire funtasticness of it all is just not there. I think about running one and I immediately get a headache. I am even getting a headache typing about it.

Honestly, I just cannot wrap my arms around all the time and energy that I'm going to have to put into it. I'm a 23 minute 5ker (on only a couple of occasions) and, not only would I have to get that time down to the 21's to feel like I had a decent shot, but I'd also have to run all those long and painful long runs...mostly alone....in the cold...and then the heat...and then I'd have to do it all at a much-faster-than-I'm-running-now-pace. See, I told you it didn't sound fun.

Not that I'm totally ruling Boston out in my lifetime, but I just need to achieve a few more things before I even consider giving a real shot. Mainly, running faster and longer and being comfortable with it. The idea of trying to cram all of that into 8 or 9 months is just unfathomable. Not to mention that I have other goals for 2010 that I'd like to achieve...and...wow...I can't believe I'm about to say this...but...I can't do everything.

Shocker, huh?

I haven't told Troy and I only told RC in the same email that I sent to wish his lovely wife a Happy Birthday...I was hoping that maybe they are in a margarita induced birthday celebration so maybe the whole "I'm bailing on Boston" message won't come across really loudly or clearly...of course, until he reads this post. But, by then I'll have my game plan together and I'll be able to show him how ridiculous it was to even think that I could be ready by fall anyway.

So, if I'm not going to do it, what am I going to do?

Well, first I'm going to Vegas and brush up on my black jack skills. And after that I'm thinking about entering a hot dog eating contest...no, wait...a Twinkie eating contest. And then after that I'm thinking about learning how to become a birdman,...wait, that would be a birdWOman. Big plans people, big plans.

Okay, so really Troy would divorce me if I entered a Twinkie eating contest or became a compulsive gambler, and since one of my goals for 2010 is to keep my marriage intact, I'll scratch those ideas...and becoming a birdwoman...well, he would think that's really cool but I'd never really follow through with it (deep down, I'm really chicken little - but don't tell anyone.)

So in lieu of becoming an addict, I think I'll work on a few fitness goals that have been lingering over my head. Like losing a few body fat percentage points. Which means I'll be picking back up with regular Fit Camps and maybe even throwing in a day of yoga or riding my bike during the week. As far as running goes, I'll keep on being Grasshopper. I still plan on running all those races I listed on my last post and my goal by the end of 2010 is to be a faster, leaner Grasshopper with some super-PRs to boot.

On the personal side of things, I'd like to spend more time with my friends and family. 2009 came and went and I feel like I didn't spend anytime with anyone. I'd like to make them a priority for 2010. I'd also like to get myself more organized in my new job with Dent Tricks. I'm still not there and it's driving me nuts. And I'd just like to be happy in 2010. Not that I wasn't happy in 2009, but I think I just let everything take over my life and I never stopped to smell the tea olive. I don't want that to happen in 2010. And then, because everyone in the world keeps asking me, YES we are going to try and have a little Troy or a little Amy. If that's what the world wants, then who are we to deny them, right? And finally, I want to organize my recipe collection. Weird goal, but it's been weighing on my brain for a while and 2010 looks like a good year to separate the poultry recipes from the chocolate dessert recipes....because chocolate flavored chicken has never sounded good to me anyway.

So, see, Boston just didn't fit into all of that...so I'm bailing....backing out...packing up my crayons and going home.

It's funny because I never thought I would get to the point where I even thought qualifying would be an option, and I never really cared. But then...I started to get a little faster and my brain started to think of all the the possibilities...and before I knew it I was telling the world that I wanted to run Boston. But, I never really stopped and thought about it. I mean, REALLY thought about it. Is this something I really want to do, or is it just something else that I can check off of my list of accomplishments? Is it something that is going to sustain me, or make me happy for a few months until the nostalgia wears off and all I have is me and my medal? And my biggest fear....would all the smaller smaller accomplishments that I'd make along the way by getting faster out of necessity, would those elation's be diminished by the constant thought that the BQ race is right around the corner. And really, I want to remember each of those days as a special day...a day that I finally overcame what I never thought was possible. I still remember the first race I ran as part of Team POD. I wasn't even trying for a PR and in one small step, I almost shattered my goal for the entire year (breaking 25 minutes). And then my goal race in May...when I inadvertently told my dad at the beginning of the race that I planned on running it 30 seconds faster than I had trained for...and then I did it! I still remember those feelings...and I want to have many more of them, not in a quest for the holy grail of running, but in a quest for overcoming everything that I never thought I was born to do.

So, until next year...have a great one!

2009 RECAP

2009-12-26T09:34:00.002-05:00

It's getting close to the end of the year and I figured while I've got a few minutes to spare, I might as well get this obligatory post out of the way.

What were my goals going into 2009?

I revisited some of my blog posts and wow was I funny....first there was the "Why I don't like Sam post" (actually titled "It's About That Time" and written just a few short weeks before he became "Run Coach Extraordinaire"). And the very next day, I posted this little ditty about "Themed Goals," and I totally forgot that I was going to spend 2009 in a margarita-induced, chips and salsa eating, Mexican theme. How could I forget that??? In the end, my "Less is More" approach really did come to fruition this year...less time on my 5k meant more hardware for my desk. And sometime in January, I decided to start working with RC, to become a smarter, faster Running Amy, and it all begin with "Building My House of Running."

I also revisited our local track clubs web forum, and found that I proclaimed these as my goals for 2009:
I plan on:

Breaking 25 minutes in a 5k. (completed)

Breaking 2 hours in the half marathon. (completed)

Getting the nerve to sign up for another marathon in the fall. (not completed-but the commitment for Boston was made)

Becoming a "regular" at Tuesday night speedwork. (completed)

Riding a century on my bike. (I don't even think I got on my bike in 2009)

Running all year injury free, or at the very least not having to get any stitches in 2009! (completed and completed)

I also noticed that just a few short entries later, RC posted this: "Coach at least 3 newbie people on the wonderful sport of running. I am a wannabe coach, try me, I work for free" and I replied to his post with this: "Sam, I'll take you up on that coaching offer ...My goal this year is focused on speed and not distance and who better to get advice from than the fastest guy I know! "

Amidst all those smiley faces...that's where it all began.

I had a stellar year in running. I smashed my PR in the 5k and the half marathon. I found myself running with people who I never thought I'd be able to keep up with. And I even found myself being able to carry on a conversation with them while doing it. I did things that I never thought were possible, including running a 6:59 for an entire mile.

But, I could have done better. After running a 23:12 in September at the Labor Day 5k, my motivation started to wane. I'm not sure what happened...burn out, maybe? I just lost my lovin' feeling for trying to run faster. And it showed. Between September and December, I have progressively run slower for the 5k. As the weeks ticked by, I can literally feel myself getting slower and slower.

And then, because I'm not insane enough, a few weeks ago I decided that I needed to give Boston a push. I am hoping that all the training, the hours, the long fast miles that will be put in, will keep me motivated to just run faster. That's what I'm hoping for anyway.

So, my goals for 2010?

- Obviously to qualify for Boston. I've been going back and forth on where I'd like to do it. I thought I had settled on the Air Force Marathon in Dayton, Ohio but now I think I might try and run the Chicago Marathon (thanks to Perry at Run Fit Sports for the suggestion - he ran his fastest marathon there...a blistering 2:44 - and hi Chad and your google alerts...)
- To run with focus and discipline. I started 2009 with ridiculous focus and discipline, but as the year went on, I figured out what I could get away with (ie, the bare minimum that I could do and still run with a little bit of dignity). I want to get back to that place that I was last spring.
- To start writing a book. People tell me all the time that I should do it, and I guess now is as good a time as any.
- To have fun. In everything I do.

Now, back to Boston. I have to run an 8 minute pace for 26.2 miles in order to qualify. That scares me...well, not to death...but it scares me none the less. Troy paced me yesterday on a 4 mile tempo run at an 8 minute pace. It was hard and difficult and I can say, without a doubt, that I would not have been able to keep that pace up for 22.2 more miles. I'm not sure that I could have kept it up for .2 more miles. But, I guess that's what focused training is going to do for me. Take that scariness out of it all...and replace it with confidence and speed.

So, there you have it. Just four short little goals for 2010. Boston-discipline-book-fun. Sounds easy enough, right?

I've also got some other, more specific goals in mind like logging 2,000 miles and riding my bike more...heck I may even decide to tackle that century. But, as far as races, I plan on running the following in 2010:

- Sweetheart 12k (February)
- Al Toll 5k (February)
- Cantrell Center 5k (February)
- Seaside Half Marathon (March)
- Forsythia Festival 5k (March)
- Cheerios Challenge 10k (April)
- Run For Missions 5k (May)
- Salute to Freedom 5k (June)
- Torture Trail 10k (June)
- Wrightsville 4th of July 5k (July)
- Anniston Bobblehead 5k (August)
- Jim Herrin 10k (August)
- Feed the Bears 5k (August)
- Labor Day 10k (September)
- Boston Qualifier (September or October)

I listed all of those in case you are a blog stalker and want to get my autograph...or in case you are in my age group and want to know when and where you can try to beat me. I do reserve the right to not show up to any of these races though...just so you know.

Hope you all have a wonderful rest of your 2009!

GREAT WORKOUTS MAKE FOR GREAT OUTLOOKS

2009-12-22T21:35:00.002-05:00

I started my run this evening in a pretty foul mood. I'm not sure why. The stress of the holidays...the stress of year end...the stress of living in my obsessive compulsive, anal retentive little mind...it all just put me in a foul mood.

So, being the NEW COMMITTED RUNNER that I am (more on that later), I decided to head out to the track early...you know so I could get my workout in all alone and sulk and be mad at the world for all of its injustices and stupid things that make me stressed out. I just wanted to vent and I wanted to do it by myself. Of course, there are much more COMMITTED RUNNERS than I am (that's you Chuck, Kat, and Cherry) who were out early and ready to rock and roll. So, I ran with them. And talked about the holidays and training schedules and marathons and a bunch of other things that had nothing to do with my stressful day. And by the time we got a mile warm-up in, I was feeling better, but still pissy enough to go ahead and get the workout in.

And that's when RC...like a guardian angel...showed up early...and gave me that "Grasshopper, I'd be disappointed if you didn't do the workout with the rest of the group" look. You know...the look of disapproval...the look of wondering if I'm really a poser...the same look he had when he took my coveted pebble back. I hate that look. I hated it enough today, to stick around and wait on the rest of the group to get my workout on.

I ended up running over 3 miles while I was waiting on everyone. I got to run with Kat and Chuck and Cherry and Troy and Grace and RC and Angela and Paul and as more and more people showed up my mood went from semi-bad to better and better.

By the time the workout started, I was happy as a clam. I was cold. But I was happy none the less.

The workout turned out to be fantastic. 4 x 400s followed by a 2 mile "race." The goal was to predict your 2 mile time and nail it. I knew I could run a 4 mile tempo at a 7:57 pace so I erred on the side of caution and predicted 16 minutes flat. Our local running store, Run Fit Sports, donated cool prizes (socks, hats, cool Adidas shirts, etc) for the top 5 male and female finishers....in other words, the 10 people who came closest to their times. We had 20+ peeps there so the competition was tough!

As we began, my mood just kept getting better and better. I started to think about my day...and about how bent out of shape I was at not getting "everything" done and how stressed out it made me. And then I remembered what REAL stress is like:

REAL stress is having close to $100k in debt and a job that barely paid $30k a year
REAL stress is thinking that only way to pass time is by smoking cigarettes and drinking
REAL stress is being a relationship that was totally destructive to both parties involved and not knowing how to get out of it
REAL stress is feeling like your life is spinning out of control all day, everyday

And then I remembered what my life is like now....7 years later:

Seven years later I am completely and utterly debt free and I did it all by myself (don't believe me...watch this...skip to the 1st white bullet)
Seven years later I get to do this thing that I love that is not work or a chore or a bad habit: it's called running. And I get to do it everyday if I want to.
Seven years later I am married to the best guy I know (besides my Dad and Jesus)....he has helped me to become such a better person, to become that person that I always wanted to be - I just didn't know how to get there. I mean, seriously, I did something very right for Troy to pick me!
Seven years later I don't feel like my life is spinning out of control anymore. As a matter of fact, I have a perfect and wonderful life. I bet there are people out there that would pay me money to have my life (okay, maybe not alot of money, but you get my point). I get to work from home doing something I love. I have a great house (despite the green 70s tile in my bathroom - but hey, I have my very OWN bathroom that I don't have to share with anyone.) I have a great housekeeper and a lawn guy and a massage and physical therapist on speed dial. I have a personal trainer and a Run Coach who both keep me in check with my eating, my weight, and my running. I have a great family and lots of nieces and nephews to entertain. I have a grandmother who still alive and spunky at the ripe age of 84. I have parents who are still married after 40+ years (by the way, I'm sure it may not have always been bliss but they have taught me alot about toughness, loyalty, and that the power of two is always greater than the power of one - especially when I was in trouble!) I have great and wonderful friends that have great and wonderful things going in their lives that they are letting me be a part of...I have running friends who share this passion and joy and have no problems with spending an hour talking about how fun that 20 mile run was. I have that life that I never thought was possible and it is completely and utterly unchaotic.

So, I finished that run in 15 minutes and 30 seconds (30 seconds faster than I predicted and I even scored 3rd place for my prediction and scored a pretty cool little Adidas tee)...and in that 15 minutes and 30 seconds, I thought about everything I just mentioned. Every bit of it.

A great workout made for a great outlook. I have to sometimes be reminded of how blessed I am...how charmed my little part in this great, big world is...how bad it has been...and how great it is now. A great workout is what reminds me of those things and I am so glad that I'm a part of that world that finds peace in running a comfortably painful 7:37 mile.

Hope you have a fabulous week! If you don't do anything else, find a way to remind yourself of how good life really is!

I DID IT AGAIN....

2009-12-16T16:09:00.002-05:00

Something unthinkable, that is!

I actually got myself up, out of my warm bed, at an unheard of hour (okay, so it was already 6am, which is my "noon", but it makes the story sound better, right?) to go run...all...by...myself.

And this time, I even stepped up the "ridiculous" notch and tried my hand at a 4 mile TEMPO run ...all...by...myself (side note: why do we always capitalize the whole word "tempo"?)

I've never just gone out and run a TeMpO...all...by...myself.

Usually, my tempos arise out of RC's constant proding:

"How many TeMpO's have you done this month?"

"You gonna show up for tomorrow's TeMpO?"

"You know, only posers don't do TeMpOs!"

etc.

(and okay, maybe I made that last statement up too...)

And then, the worst is when I find myself ill on the days that I REALLY do want to participate in the fun-ness that is a TeMpO run. Back aches, colds, hay fever, morning sickness (okay, so I made that last part up, again.) Sue me because I really have a serious allergic reaction to TeMpOs.

Except when I do them on an unscheduled day...all...by...myself.

Ladies and gentlemen: I rocked it out. 4 mile TeMpO at an 8:01 pace. Not a PR, but faster than my VDOT chart says I should be flying, and faster than I've ever run one...all...by...myself. I had no rabbit to chase, no RC being a smart aleck, and no one to push me except me-myself-and-I.

And it was amazing!

Have a great Wednesday!

DOING THE UNTHINKABLE

2009-12-15T07:54:00.002-05:00

Running in the rain...it is just something I'm not a big fan of. I will try my hardest to find every excuse in the book to get out of it (come to think of it, I see a theme here with me and excuses...but that's another story for another time.)

So, when Sunday, and the "new week" rolled around, I was not too happy to know that not only did we have 100% chance of morning showers, but it was also going to be 35 degrees. Sounds fun, doesn't it?

Now, I know you are asking yourself "if it's just morning showers, then why not wait until the afternoon when it's nice and clear?" Because I'm lazy. And I knew if I didn't get it out of the way in the morning, that 11 miles would never ever happen. And on top of all of that, I needed to go visit this cutie and I certainly wouldn't have wanted a stupid run to interfere with that!

I already made a deal with myself before venturing out that I could cut my 11 miler back to a 6 miler. There was no need to possibly get pneumonia, right?

So, off I went. Troy thought I was crazy. And I was beginning to wonder if I really am crazy. Because on top of running in the rain and the 35 degree weather, I decided to pick the hilliest route I could find. 6 miles...4+ miles of it is hills.

At mile 2, I just stopped. Dead in my tracks. At the top of hill #6 (I told you it was hilly) and thought I just can't go anymore. I wasn't cold but I was tired and out of breath, and at that moment in the solitude of the foggy, rainy, cold morning, I thought life couldn't get much worse. But, something made me trudge on. So, on I went.

At mile 3, and my turn around point, I thought "hey self, this isn't so bad...you could at least do 7 miles." So, I pushed on for another half mile and turned around. Proud at my ability to just keep going....

As the miles ticked along, I begin to think that running in the rain and cold isn't so bad. As a matter of fact, I must have layered appropriately because I wasn't cold at all! I decided at that point to run back to my house for 7 miles, grab some water, and head back out for 4 more...finishing the 11 that was originally on my schedule. I needed to finish what I had started.

A half mile from home and I begin to get a little cold. I realize that if I run all the way back home, I may be tempted to not leave again....so my brain cut off all senses to my cold hands, my wet feet, and my thirsty mouth and I turned back around and headed back out. Thanks brain...you saved me once again....within 5 minutes of making that decision the sky opened up and a torrential downpour began. It was actually raining so hard that I couldn't see in front of me. And yet, I just kept going. My brain began to leak out senses to my hands, my feet, my shins...that I was freezing! And yet, I just kept going.

The rain eventually subsided and I was happy with myself that I had done the unthinkable...something I would have never done before...

Troy must have gotten worried about me being gone so long...a mile from home, I see him headed towards me in the car. He said he imagined that he'd find me walking, sulking, freezing, and in a bad mood. Instead he found some crazy girl running in the rain...freezing her tail off...and doing it all with a smile on my face!

I decided then and there...if I want to be a Boston Qualifier, I have to do what Boston Qualifiers do...and that includes running when I don't think I want to.

Have a great Tuesday!

NEW MONTH...NEW GOALS

2009-11-30T07:26:00.002-05:00

Well...almost a new month.

I've spent the last 5 or 6 days in sheer agony. For those of you who deal with chronic back pain, I applaud you...because given the chance, I would have surgically removed my back with a rusty knife two days ago...the pain was just that bad.

It all started because I'm a bad bowler...and well, the fact that I haven't been Fit Camping like I should over the last 6 months and lost every bit of ab-fab-ulousness sort of made matters worse. But, back to the bowling. A week ago Sunday...it was supposed to be a day of running and spending time on our bikes at the Riverwalk, showing Pete, our visiting nephew, how great and wonderful exercise can be....but the rain, oh the rain had other plans for us, so Troy and I decided to take Pete bowling instead.

Let me just state the facts: I bowled a 29 on my first game. I made a D in bowling in college (but the professor felt sorry for me because, while I failed on every game, I aced the final...he gave me a C on my official records). I beat Pete (who is 9 years old and got to use the bumpers) once during our 3 games, and that was only by one point. In other words, I'm a bad bowler.

It doesn't reason to stand that I probably have bad bowler "form" as well. So, Monday morning when my back started to twinge, I just chalked it up as an old car accident injury and moved on...slowly and painfully. I iced. I used heat. I took more Advil than I have in my entire life. By Wednesday night I got zero hours of sleep as I tossed and turned (slowly) trying to figure out which position would make those back spasms go away. It turns out that the only position that gave me relief was one of being bent over in the ER getting a shot of morphine in my butt. Within minutes I was living in a wonderland of pain-freeness and completing forgetting that it's Thanksgiving morning and I have three dishes to prepare before our afternoon with the fam.

That's what good husbands are for. Troy, who's sole purpose in the kitchen is to eat my meals and do the dishes, made broccoli salad, sweet potato pie, and pumpkin bars that were delicious!

But, back to my back. The morphine wore off and I spent the next two days medicating with Lortab (although my lovely husband told everyone I was on Lexapro...quite a bit different than Lortab...). I iced. I used heat. I talked to every medical professional I had on text messaging to try and figure out what I needed to do to get better. I finally figured out two things on my own: the heat...well, that was just making it worse. The ice...well, that was just making it worse as well. Once I stopped doing both of those...the pain...well, it begin to disappear. And now, Monday morning, I feel as good as new!

So, during this period of pain, when I wasn't in a lortab-induced nap, what did I learn?

1. If I had of been Fit Camping like I should, my back and ab muscles probably would have been tight enough to withstand the bad bowlers "form".

Remedy: get back to Fit Camp PRONTO! Luckily, a new class begins this week and I am making it my mission to be there for every Wednesday and Thursday class.

2. Not being able to run sucks. Massively. I got one 6 mile run in on Tuesday before the real pain got me down, and then another 4 miles on Saturday trying to test my heat/ice theories. While both were a tad bit painful, nothing compared to the inability to get off the couch and just move. In other words, I found myself wanting to be thankful for every crappy run, every tempo run, every race that I didn't want to run...because in the end, those days were much better than these days where I couldn't walk, much less run.

Remedy: remind myself daily that I am fortunate enough to be able to run, that I am fortunate enough to have a Run Coach who wants to see me succeed, and that I am fortunate enough to have a spouse that supports me in all my crazy running endeavours and wants to run them with me! But the main remedy...run every day like it was my last...because really...it could be!

My new goals for December:

1. Get my butt to Fit Camp at least twice a week. AND do my at-home weights that RC2 tells me to do each and every week...and each and every week I find an excuse not to.

2. Get all my prescribed runs in. That means running the Reindeer Run this Saturday and running like someones chasing me so that I can get that elusive 22:59 PR...that also means that I should have no less than 20 miles of TEMPO runs in my log book by months end!

3. Send my weekly logbook to RC1 because, really, he's who keeps me honest about all of this.

4. Wear my 26.2 necklace every single day to remind myself that the only way I am Boston bound is by completing all the workouts, every day and on time.

5. Have fun...sitting on the couch for one day is f-u-n, but sitting on the couch for five days! Not so much fun....

Have a great Monday!

CROSS-COUNTRY RACES ARE FOR.....

2009-11-22T12:32:00.002-05:00

Well...cross-country races certainly aren't for people like me.

I almost taste a little vomit in the back of my throat when I hear people shout "I love CC! It's my favorite kind of race!" What sort of planet were these people born on?

What part of dirt, mud, getting lost, and possible snakes living under all those leaves sounds like fun? I haven't even begun to talk about all the ticks out there!

I just don't like them. I get nervous and scared. I feel like I'm going to trip over every root, slip on the mud, and get lost on most turns. I'm constantly asking myself if I'm going the right way. Climbing hills is hard enough...try throwing in some mud, slippery leaves, the fact that I might be lost AND there might be snakes out there...it's just too much for me.

And for that reason, I ran the worst race I've run in all of 2009 yesterday.

And that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

On the plus side, I PR'ed by like 15 minutes on this course. It's the same course I ran with my brother year before last. It was his first...and now, going back and reading my description of the course...I'm wondering what planet I was on when I decided that running it again would be such a great idea.

Oh well. I ran it. I had a horrible race. I didn't slip in the mud, but I did get lost for a second. I also *gasp* stopped and walked. And boy, did I get in trouble with RC for that! (Note to self: don't be so honest next time!) I came across the finish line saying "I hate myself for suggesting this..." and really, at the time, I did. It was horrible.

On the other hand, I did score some hardware coming in 2nd for my age, Troy got 1st for his age, and RC and GT came in first overall! And well, having Waffle House post-race with some of my most favorite running buddies....well, that totally makes up for the mud, the leaves, the possibility of snakes, and all those other things that make me dislike CC.

Until next year....(yes, there will be a next year...I may hate CC, but I hate letting a race beat me even more!)

CHICKAMAUGA POST-RACE REPORT

2009-11-16T06:53:00.003-05:00

When I set this half marathon as a "goal" race some 3 months ago, I did not anticipate taking 7 weeks off to be a lazy bum. So, as the day grew near and RC kept telling me that he KNEW I could start the race at an 8:20 pace and hang on to that for 13.1 miles...well, I knew he'd lost his mind...but since I'm in Grasshopper Probation Status, I just kindly agreed with him...no real reason to make him any madder at me, right?

While I was certain that 1:49 race (the equivalent to an 8:20 pace) was not in my future, I knew I'd PR for this race. My best time was 2:16 at the Mercedes Half in Birmingham and I knew that even running it at "easy" pace, I'd run a better time than that. But...what I really wanted was to run a 1:59:59 race. Just a sub-2 hour half...that was all I was asking for.

As the day grew nearer, my long runs sortof started to suck more...actually my entire week leading up to the race was not spectacular...all my runs seemed difficult...even the easy ones. It wasn't until the Tuesday night prior, at the track, when I commented to someone about how hard this all seemed...well, at that moment, Phil (a local runner) said something like "you're just worried about the race. Stop worrying about it because really, you aren't going to win the thing."

Eureka.

For some reason, what he said hit the mark. My 400s and 800s that evening (in the pouring down rain) got better and better. And my attitude for the next 3 days improved dramatically.

Because, really, I wasn't going to win the thing....under any circumstances...even if I had of trained like I was supposed to.

By Friday, I decided I was going to experiment with this race and do something I'd never done before: not let myself get nervous. Really. At any moment that those waves of butterflies started to float up, I just told myself "you're not going to win so stop worrying." I actually spent the entire day on Friday NOT BEING NERVOUS. It was a first in running for me, and it turns out...it actually works. More on that later.

Saturday morning came very slowly...I must have woken up 47 times on Friday night. Not because of nerves but because we had some very noisy children staying in our hotel. But, it was funny...I didn't get angry or upset that I was losing precious hours to be rested for the big day...every single time I got woken up I felt like I had been sleeping for 10 hours...even if only 10 minutes had passed since the last time I woke up. It was a strange feeling....

5:30am finally arrived and I completed all my pre-race routines and we were out the door (shower, get dressed, eat breakfast...no, I don't do anything crazy like pray over my shoes or put voodoo hexes on my competitors). I still wasn't nervous. I wasn't nervous about getting there too late to warm up...I wasn't nervous about whether I ate too little or too much...I wasn't nervous about being able to keep my pace...I wasn't even nervous about all those hills....

I got in an 8 minute warmup before I realized that a pee break (sorry) was in order...the line was long but moved quickly...and then I sprinted across the grass 6 times doing some pre-race striders.

I still wasn't nervous.

In line...I found some locals (Melissa and her friend Judy)...I saw Terri behind me...Andrew, FM, and Marcus in front of me...I'm sure Troy was at the front of the pack...and Tim, Stef, and Kenny somewhere behind me.

I still wasn't nervous.

The cannon went off and I spent the first .18 miles (yes I looked) weaving in and out of people and wondered to myself: why would people who are walking feel it necessary to start at the front of the pack? Or why do people who are running together not run in a single file line until the pack spreads out? I'm going to write a book on running etiquette one day.....

And then I lost my first earring. The earrings I've worn in every single race I've run since I started this. I took the other one off, holding it in my gloved hand, waiting until the pack spread out so that I could toss it in my back pocket...and then...just like that...it was gone too. My lucky earrings were gone.

But I still wasn't nervous.

I was pushing an 8:20 pace at this point and feeling fine. Wondering...maybe I can keep this up for the entire race?

We round Barnhardt Circle and then headed into the park...finally some elbow room! FM catches up with me and we hang together until right before Mile 2. He asks me what pace I'm shooting for and I tell him 8:20 and he says "well, then why are we running an 8:04?" I didn't answer back...I was comfortable at that pace and I just wanted to hang onto it as long as I could.

This year, as the temps were in the mid-40s I opted for a short sleeve race tee, shorts, gloves, and an old long-sleeve tee cut in a few strategic places so that I could easily get it off while still running. At the mile 2 water stop I took it off and handed it to one of the volunteers...and I did it while I was still running!

This race winds in and out and around the park. It's extremely scenic with all of monuments and beautiful old oak trees and fields for as far as you can see. Funny that last year, running at a much slower pace, I never even paid any attention to it! My short sleeve race tee says across the rear bottom band "Does this shirt make my butt look fast?" The miles clicked by as people ran by me and said one of two things: "No, that shirt doesn't make your butt look FAT at all!" or "Great shirt...glad you brought some humor to this."

I told myself in the beginning that I'd try and maintain an 8:30 pace for the first four miles. After that, I could slow down to an easier pace of 9:00 and still make my 1:59:59 (yes, I was counting my chips while they were still on the table...bad GH...bad GH). But before I knew it, I was at mile 5 and still maintaining roughly an 8:30 pace. And I still felt good. I had climbed some hills pretty effortlessly and still maintained that 8:30 pace. So, I decided I'd give it to the halfway point of 6.5 miles at an 8:30 and then slow down. 6.5 came and went and I was beginning to get amazed at myself...I hadn't done this in training...I was definitely in uncharted waters. I just tried to not over analyze it...

And then I remembered: I still wasn't nervous! It had actually worked!

I just kept plugging along until about 7.5 miles and then life started to intervene. My brain started to get sortof fuzzy...my pace was slowing dramatically...I would crest a hill at a 9:15 pace and was struggling to get it back down to an 8:30. At that point I decided I was okay with anything under a 9 minute pace. I was almost done...more than half way there....I was NOT going to intentionally slow down just because I could. It took my almost two miles but something happened around 9.5...a fire got lit under my rear and I was ready to run an 8:40 pace again.

And I did. For the remainder of the race.

Finishing in 1:54:07, or an 8:39 pace overall.

And I never got nervous. Not once did I want to throw in the towel and call it quits. Not once did I even contemplate walking. Not once did I think these goals were stupid.

Running the half was very different than any half I've run before, or any 5ks I've tried to race in the past. There was a lot of strategy going on climbing the hills, recovering coming down, dressing in layers and not getting too warm or too cold, alternating 2 gulps of water with 2 gulps of Powerade at every other water station, keeping my pace without looking at the whole picture (I never looked at my overall time or pace the entire time...the only thing I could see was my distance and my half mile lap pace).

It was just very different.

I did not in fact win the thing but I kept my cool, never got nervous, and in the end ran one of the most enjoyable races I've had!

CHICKAMAUGA PRE-RACE REVIEW

2009-11-13T07:29:00.002-05:00

The Chickamauga Battlefield half marathon is on Saturday...I've run it before so I shouldn't be worried, right?

Wrong.

The last time I just "ran" it...no real goal except to finish...this time I've got goals, and I'm actually participating in the "race" aspect of it...all the way down to my fancy new arm warmers.

So, I'm a little worried...there will be a HUGE personal best in my future, that I'm sure of...but hitting that mark...finishing in a time that lets me know "ok, it's time to really start thinking about Boston"...well, that part of it is downright scary.

Until next time...

GRASSHOPPER PROBATION

2009-10-31T13:38:00.004-05:00

I'm not really sure what "probation" entails, but as of today's suck-tastic race, I am officially in "Grasshopper Probationary Status."

I'm going to guess that there will be no ban on tempo runs, or long runs, or 1200m repeats. Instead, I'm sure during my probation I will have to eat, sleep, and poop endurance workouts. I'm also pretty certain that my every running move will be monitored by RC aka My Probation Officer and that, like a thug who robs a convenient store and gets caught, I'll have to report to him weekly, if not more than that, on my status.

I'm sure your asking yourself how I got to this point...heck, I'm even asking myself the same thing. But I guess it all started with that intervention I had a week or so ago...followed by this lovely gem of an email from RC:

"OK the following is going to be a less than gentle kick in the back side. You are a big girl and you can handle it. Let's start with this: GH sucking in the TEMPO area. You know what RC thinks about TEMPO's. They rule!!!!!! Posers drool!!!!!! (yes, that was really in the email)

Training for a rocking PR in a half marathon and setting the stage for a Boston Qualifying attempt in 2010 requires that you eat, live, and crap TEMPO's. 4 miles for starters, every single week, come heck or high water. I mean if you get hit by a bus, ask the ambulance to stop by the loop on the way to the hospital so you can get your TEMPO run in before they take you to surgery. (yes, that was really in the email)

Next: Intervals - See butt chewing above. Next: Repetitions - See butt chewing above. Next: Marathon Pace - See butt chewing above. At least you were consistent. You dropped everything evenly across the board." (that was by far my most favorite line out of the entire email)

He even included some fabulous pictures of my ~~progress~~ failure over the last 7 weeks. But they are pretty disgusting and I'd like to spare myself the embarrassment.

Instead I'll embarrass myself with a picture of what today's 5k looked like:

And here's how the whole terrible mess shook down:

Mile 1 - I ran too fast. I was supposed to be running a 7:40 but I got caught up in trying to weave in and out of everyone that I sortof lost track of what exactly I was trying to accomplish. And we were running on gravel...something I've never done before in a race (note to self: it's hard to run fast on gravel).

Mile 2 - I knew I was toast. I couldn't speed up. My legs felt like I was trying to run through a vat of jello. The plus? We were back on asphalt, but the toll that the gravel took on my legs (oh and being a slacker for 7 weeks)...well, I couldn't overcome it.

Mile 3 - I said "screw it." Out loud. As people were passing me. I switched my Garmin over to the time of day so I couldn't see the damage and just tried to not get passed by everyone I passed in the beginning (because good grief, that's embarrassing!)

I ended up finishing a whole 2 minutes slower than I wanted to.

And yes, I know that some people would kill me to be able to run a 5k in 24:56. But they wouldn't want to if they knew they were capable of running a 22:56, right?

The only good things that came out of today's race:

- The Jays Hope Foundation made some money for a great cause.

- My brother and the three rugrats came and ran too.

- Troy and I both scored some hardware for our efforts. Aren't these the cutest medals ever? I'm just thankful they weren't hats!

- And I had a good time. Because, really, that's what it's all about, right? If I'm not having a good time with this, then why bother.

As for my probationary status...I think I can handle it. I'm sure it's going to suck to try and get back on top but I know that deep down inside of me there is a 22:59 5k, and even a 3 hour 40 minute marathon brewing too (my Boston Qualifying time).

I just have to keep my eye on the goal, not slack off anymore, and run run run!

KOMEN RACE FOR THE CURE - A NON-RUNNING PERSPECTIVE

2009-10-24T15:23:00.004-05:00

The last few months have been leading up to the biggest event I think I've ever volunteered for...EVER. It all started because of a denim shirt and a couple of cold Sweetwaters and before I knew it I became in charge of over 3,000 runners and walkers participating in the Komen Race for the Cure.

Just so you know, I complained ALOT over the last few months about it. It was overwhelming and alot of work and just plain tiring. I had no idea going into it that there'd be so much work to do! I spent lots of days wondering what the heck I was thinking signing up for this!

And I really really really really really want to apologize to anyone and everyone that I complained to, griped to, yelled at, or just cried on their shoulder. It was so much work for everyone to be my friend (or my husband) over the last few months. I'm sure of that, and for that I'm so sorry!

At any rate, this last week my love-hate relationship with the Race has turned into more of a love-love relationship with everyone involved. The survivors. The caregivers. The local Komen Board and the Affiliate employees. The Race Committee. And Those volunteers. Oh...the volunteers. I loved each and every one of them and I was shocked at the outpouring of help for this thing. They just rocked and made the whole experience so much better.

Because this was my first year as Race Registrar, I spent most of the last few months totally confused on my job responsibilities. So, I didn't make a big scene when the Race Chair looked at my like I had a 3rd eye when I suggested that I could easily run the Race too...you know, to support the cause, right? Yeah. She told me "no. hell. no."

And you know what...when 4am showed up this morning...and I realized that I had already spent over 20 hours in the last 2 days working at registration and I had another 8 or so more to go...well, when it was finally over with I was really glad that she didn't let me run. I wouldn't have had a good race. And I would have missed watching GT come in 1st overall female, or RC narrowly missing 2nd overall. I would have missed talking to all the survivors who needed a question answered or just a hug to let them know how happy I was that they were there. I would have missed thanking each and every single volunteer who personally helped me today. I would have missed all the cheerleaders chanting about ta-tas and hooters. I would have missed the opportunity to be interviewed for TV (okay, that part I would have liked to have missed!). I would have missed seeing my running peeps cross the finish line with new records and the joy that was written all over their faces. I would have missed out on the opportunity to run later with GT and RC for their cool down run and I would have missed the opportunity to dodge trains and dogs and listen to both of them talk about their upcoming competitions.

So, in the end I was glad I missed out on the Race. The time and commitment that this thing calls for...well, it turns out that it was all totally worth it.

Totally worth it.

(and the fact that Mechel owes me a few nights of margaritas after she delivers that baby...well, that made it worth it too!)

OK...SO MAYBE I'M NOT A PERFECT GRASSHOPPER?

2009-10-21T18:29:00.003-05:00

You probably wouldn't know this, but for quite some time I've been struggling with this running thing. I try to blame it on...oh I don't know...every-excuse-known-to-man...I have even been known to make up completely false excuses in my effort to justify my severe case of the lazy's.

And yes, I am completely aware that a "false excuse" is considered a "lie" in most people's books...Sue me...I'm human.

But, it's really been driving me crazy for the last 2 months. I'm not sure why. I know I'm not lazy. I have a concrete goal (two half marathons). I have a ridiculously detailed training schedule. I have my beloved Garmin. I even have the time (even though that's my #1 excuse in the "log of excuses" - which coincidentally has replaced my "log of miles"). I have it all, really...except the "mojo." (What is "mojo" exactly anyway?)

At any rate, I sort of felt like I needed an intervention. But who calls their OWN intervention, right?

Well, I guess I call my own intervention because today when RC called to ask me something about an upcoming race, and in the course of our conversation he said "how was your track workout"....well...I just lost it.

Because I hadn't done a track workout.

In 2 weeks.

Shameful, huh?

So right there, in the middle of the GA Sports Hall of Fame...on my cell phone...I began my own personal intervention. I'm not sure what I said. I think I probably babbled about needing help...losing focus and direction...not being able to figure it all out. I think I even got a lump in my throat.

Yes, right there in the middle of the Hall, I just wanted to sit on the floor and cry about it all.

(I'm sure RC is glad that I didn't because I don't think consoling a grown adult crying about her lack of running is on his list of "coaching responsibilities").

At any rate, I just let it all out. And it felt good. And, as usual, I got some super advice from a super Running Coach!

Basically, it boils down to the fact that I'm not perfect. I know! I was just as *shocked*. He said that in some aspect of all of our lives we need some accountability (ie, we are not made so perfect that we can be motivated to do everything all the time). For some people they might need accountability at work (definitely not me)...for others it might be their diet (again, so not me)...and still others it might be spending (yes...again...not me - you see how I began to think I was so perfect, right?).

No, for me it seems that running (and Personal Trainer Rick, feel free to jump in here and say "exercise in general") is something I need to be held accountable for. Surprising, huh? I haven't been very accountable to RC since the Labor Day Race as he was trying to let my little Grasshopper wings help me fly...

But alas, I have decided that this Grasshopper must have been born without wings.

Because I'm back to becoming RC's sidekick...the real Grasshopper...the numero uno student...the one who is afraid to skip that mid-week long run because RC will see it the Sport Tracker and then say something really nasty like "well, maybe you're not a runner after all...." (by the way...that one stung...) Yes, I'm back to posting about marathon paces and intervals and hill repeats and oh dear...those dreaded tempo runs. I'm back to looking forward to that weekly feedback where RC says "great job little GH....great job."

Yes, me....the not-so-perfect Grasshopper is back....with accountability in tow!

IS BEING A RUNNER IS MAKING ME AN INTROVERT?

2009-10-14T05:58:00.003-05:00

During college we'd take all those stupid personality tests and I'd always rise victoriously as an EXTROVERT. Once I was through with college, entering the workforce, some stupid company would convince my employer that "team building" exercises were a total must...and those exercises always including some ridiculous game to determine whether you were an introvert or EXTROVERT. Again, it almost wasn't even a question on which side of the fence I fell on....I have always found myself squarely in the middle of whatever social-ness was going on, and the chattiness....well it speaks for itself, right?

I have even been told that I could get a wall to talk to me if I tried hard enough. I've yet to try hard enough but honestly, I get it from my Dad...the one and only person I know that really can strike up a conversation with anyone, including a wall, if he can't get anyone else to listen.

The only thing that ever made people cock their head sideways in confusion about my extroversion (that word just sounds wrong) is the fact that I'm an accountant...and accountant's are known for having their head up a spreadsheet's rear and loving every quiet minute of it. I guess I was the exception to that accountant rule...and I'm sure my endless chatter about debits and credits made all my college professors want to shun me from the profession for good.

Accountants should be seen and not heard, right?

So it's been well established since the day I formed my first word that I like to talk (who am I kidding....I'm sure it began before I could even form a word.....

At any rate, despite my overwhelming urge to be seen and heard all the time, I'm slowly finding that when it comes to running....well...I just like to be alone.

Okay, so not all the time, but most of the time. When I look back and recall my best runs...the runs that I don't feel an ounce of struggle....the runs where I feel like I could run forever...the runs where my human legs are replaced with cheetah legs....well, those sort of runs are when I've been running solo.

I'm not sure why. Maybe running solo gives me some clarity and focus so I can concentrate on the "purpose of the run." Or maybe it's just that for once, because I'm all alone, I don't feel like I have to talk to anyone.

I was reminded of my introversion (doesn't sound nearly as wrong as "extroversion") last night at the track. Because I've been involved with Race for the Cure, and they have a meeting every single solitary Tuesday (okay, maybe not that many...but they meet alot), I've missed the track workouts. Most weeks I've convinced Troy to go with me to make up the work, but this week I got to miss the meeting and head back to the track! I was totally excited to be there, but not nearly as excited to do the actual work at hand...6 x 30 sec strides (the easy part), followed by 2 x 800s (okay, still easy), followed by 3 x 1200s (that crazy RC really does want to break me).

My first inclination that something was amiss was the fact that I wanted to get there early and get a head start. I wasn't sure why, but I just wanted to be early. I began my 1 mile warm-up and was happy to just be running alone. I got a couple of laps in when super-sonic GT decided to run with me. Now don't get me wrong, any chance I can get to run with this little running machine...well, I'll take it. She's half my age and runs twice as fast as I do. One lap with her is enough to boost my confidence for a year. I ended up running 2 laps at an 8:30 pace with her....yeah, not exactly "warm-up" pace but it was so worth it....

(As a side note: In the course of that run, I decided to ask her two stupid questions: 1. What is her easy pace? A 7:30...yikes! and 2. What was RC going to make them do tonight (we have a couple of super-star high school runners that RC and others coach separate from our workouts)? 4 x 1 mile repeats..yikes again!)

I finished the warm-up and began my striders. I was running with a group of four and felt fine. Then it was time for the 800s. I ran the first one entirely too fast (6:19 pace...when I should have been running like a 6:50). I knew if I kept that up I wouldn't make it to see that last 1200. So, I slowly broke myself away from the group I was running with and finished the rest on my own. Granted, they probably still thought they were running with me, some being slightly ahead of me, and some being slightly behind, but in my mind I was running all alone. There wasn't another single person out there, in my mind. I didn't stop and chat on my cool down laps....maybe a few small words in response to a direct question, but for the most part it was just me and my mind.

As the miles continued I realized that I really do like running alone. No chitter chatter....no small talk...just me and the run at hand. I finished up way above pace (goal was 3:30 for the 800s and nailed them at 3:09 and 3:24 and goal for the 1200s was 5:26 and I finished them in 5:11, 5:18, and 5:24) and was pretty happy with my performance. Then I began the cool down...all alone...in the dark of the evening....4 laps around the track.

I guess technically speaking I wasn't "all alone"...it was nice to hear those that passed me excited about their victory for the evening...or the applause from the crowd at the pee-wee football game going on in the field below the track...or the kiddos running in the dark waiting on Mom and Dad to "hurry UP!" because it was getting close to bed-time.

But the best part of the noise was the constant shuffle of my feet hitting the track...the swish of my drenched shorts...the thump of my heart beat making its decline...and positively nothing else.

TROY'S WORDS OF WISDOM

2009-09-30T16:45:00.002-05:00

"Maybe you're just sick of talking about running?"

Wow...

a few words...

a small question...

can make so much sense...

Less talk. More run.

My new motto going into this new set of Phase Training.

40 miles last week. On track for 40 more this week. Goal for October is 200. Crazy crazy goals.

The air is getting cooler. The leaves falling. Feels like there will be some personal bests in my future.

Gearing up for Chickamauga Half Marathon the 7th of November at which time I will PR....because even if I just ran my easy pace I'd PR....heck, I might even be able to walk on my hands and still best my last time....grand how those sort of things work out, huh?

Going into the last week of Phase I of starting all of this over again.

I'm still scared of Tempo runs.

Until next time. Adios...

PUMP UP THE VOLUME

2009-09-23T10:10:00.007-05:00

I think I've posted about this before...somewhere...it may have even been my last post but I'm entirely too lazy (yeah right) to go check on it. So, here's the skinny.

I NEED TO RUN MORE.

Honestly, to get the results I want, I need to be running no less than 40 miles a week. Yeah, sounds like a lot, huh? But, if I'm eventually going to be Boston-Bound, I really need to step my game up. And that game involves logging more miles...and pounding more pavement.

Take Exhibit A below as an example. If you look at March 2009, I ran the most miles I've run all year...almost 140! And guess what?

Take a look at Exhibit B below.

Still trying to guess? Well, if you'll look closely you can see that my average pace between February and March had the largest decrease in terms of percentages that-I've-had-all-year. I shaved 20 seconds off of my pace of 10:19 in February, to my 9:59 pace in March (please ignore January's results as there are several factors resulting in my suckage for that month, and furthermore they totally skew where I'm going with all of this.)

At any rate, it is CLEAR AS MUD that more mileage equals a larger decrease in my overall pace.

It just makes sense to me now. All those years of trying the 8,000 different types of running programs out there....and the only one that really works is to just run. Simplicity at it's finest (okay, so all my percentages and over-analyzation of terrain, paces, humidity, etc don't really make it "simple" but you get where I'm going with this.)

I'm setting a personal goal to run as much as I can, but no less than 40 miles a week. And I'm making it public because us bloggers feel like if we make it public...it will happen.

Actually it should be quite easy to hit the streets that much, once you factor in that 10-16 mile long run each week (and yes...I DID finally make it back to the world of long runs!!), 6 miles of group speedwork, and 5 miles for the dreaded tempo run each week. That means I only have to run roughly 5 miles every other day...[which, as a side note, is super-easy to accomplish because I have the stalker thing going on with Cross Fit...it's exactly 2.5 miles from my house and I really really really want to run by there one day and see them doing all that crazy stuff that is Cross Fit, but I have yet to get there at the right time...so you see in a weird psycho sortof way, it's actually motivating me to get the entire 5 miler in. - and yes, I know I could just look online and find out what their schedule is and plan my run around that, but that would take all the fun out of it! Okay, now I do sound psycho...]

But if I'm not motivated by anything else, I can surely be pushed by the thought of hearing RC say...just one more time..."IT'S ALL ABOUT VOLUME"....if I have to hear it again...well...I just might puke.

Finally, if you didn't think I was rocking out this POD stuff...take a look at this. My average pace has consistently and constantly decreased every month (save for July where I think the heat and humidity just got the best of me).

Have a great weekend (and Kat, you can thank me later...lol)

THE RESULTS ARE IN....

2009-09-08T06:02:00.003-05:00

And while I did PR (again..), I did not meet my goal of 22:59.

Ultimately, I'd love to blame it all on Team POD, the fact that I was sick for 4 days prior, the fact that I spent 14 hours at packet pickup, etc, etc.

But, in the end it was totally my fault....because for the last several weeks, while I've been posting all the great and wonderful things I've been doing with running...well...I haven't been posting what I have not been been doing.

Which includes, long runs, easy runs, marathon pace runs, and any run that doesn't qualify as speedwork.

Yes, I've been cheating myself by just doing the hard stuff...even typing it, I'm wondering what sort of lunatic ONLY does speed work and tempo runs?? Have I become that insane?

At any rate, I am here to tell you that while speed work is really really really important, all that other stuff in between is, collectively, equally as important. And had I even attempted a long run...oh I don't know...in the last month or so...I may have beaten my goal.

So, with all of that out of the way, I'm over it. I'm done with wondering "what if" and just celebrating the fact that NOT ONLY is my new PR 23:12, but also that I shaved an entire NINE MINUTES off of my 5k time from just this January (and yes, I know that January's 5k was not a PR, but it was my lowest point in this whole running thing and I consider it an excellent reference point for my awesome progression...besides it just sounds cool to say I shaved nine minutes off of my time.)

Here's a brief race recap because well...who doesn't like to know what goes through my head leading up to and during a race??

-TUESDAY: we ran 3 x 1 mile repeats. The goal was to take the average of the three and determine what our race pace would be. I ran mine in 6:59 (I KNOW!), 7:04, 7:06. So, I was instructed at that point to start the race at 7:10, crest the hill, and then try to keep it at a 7 minute pace or below for the remainder of the race....ummm....you want me to start the race at a full minute faster than I think I'm capable of doing??

- THURSDAY: I began to get sick. Luckily, I know someone in the biz...prescription in hand and I'm crossing my fingers that it doesn't get any worse. I still met the group for the 5:30am run and since it wasn't a TEMPO run, I actually enjoyed it for once.

-FRIDAY: I'm still not feeling 100% but the race is the last thing on my mind.

-SATURDAY: feeling like I've been run over by a truck. Why am I getting worse instead of better? Starting to worry about the race a little but then re-assure myself by hoping that maybe I've got swine flu and I'll be quarantined and won't have to run the race afterall!

-SUNDAY: Feeling better. Still didn't run or do anything worthy of aerobic activity. Convinced myself that I'd at least run my last time of 23:30 and since I had only run like 12 miles in the last week (yes, that said 12 miles...sorry RC), I sort of wasn't expecting too much of a victory. Four days of packet pickup is starting to wear on my brain. Running, unfortunately, is not.

-MONDAY: ran 2+ miles as a warm-up with Troy and FM. I realized quickly that not running for the last 4 days was not a good thing. We were warming up at a 10 minute pace and I was already feeling out of breath....this is not going to be good. Ran a few striders (20-30 second bursts) and couldn't get any of them below a 7 minute pace. How am I going to RUN a sub-7 pace when I can't even run for 30 seconds at a 7 minute pace??? 5 minutes before the start and a girl asks me if I can help her with her timing chip....I bend over...secure it for her...stand back up....and realize that I'm extremely dizzy...for a second I'm freaking...how am I going to run like this?...and for a second I'm thinking "hey, maybe I won't have to run after all?". It dawns on me that it's probably all the medicine I took or the fact that I've had a cold for 4 days. At any rate, I run over and tell RC...hoping he'd give me some words of wisdom, some advice, anything to calm my nerves....I should have known better...I got a "IT'S GO-TIME GRASSHOPPER"...ummm, that's supposed to make feel better, how??

- I secure my place near the front of the pack (even though we were chipped timed, the awards were going to go by gun time and well, since I am always holding out for hardware, I positioned myself accordingly). My pace partner, Paul, positioned himself directly behind me (as a side note: it does not bother me one bit that someone paces behind me. Because for all the people that are pacing behind me, I am doing the same thing with all of you in front of me.) I instructed Paul that we'd start at 7:10 pace, crest the hill at 7:30 pace and then go sub-7 for the remainder of the run. I also told him I was dizzy and I may peel off at the hospital, admit myself, and take a self-induced DNF if need be.

-It was GO-TIME.

- MILE 0-1: Trying to hold a 7:10 but since the 1st mile is downhill it was virtually impossible. 7:01 for the mile and actually feeling like a million bucks!

- MILE 1-2: We begin the climb up the hill, and honestly, this is the part of the race I've been fearing the most. Thoughts of skipping hill repeat workouts float through my head. I remember years past and having to walk this hill. I feel myself slowing, but I know I'm still moving because I'm passing people. Yes, I judge my performance on how many of you I can pass....I muster up a thumbs up to Rudy which tells me that not only am I not going to die, but I may be capable of running faster. I just want to make it to the top and still have some steam left. And then I got to the top of the hill and realized it wasn't as bad as I had made it out to be. I wanted to be at a 7:30 overall pace at the top and glancing at my Garmin I notice that I'm at 7:19. Holy cow! How did I do that? My confidence begins to build as I start to think I might just pull this off.

Now, here's where my strategy changed and possibly cost me my time (and yes, I know not running enough ultimately cost me...but hear me out on this one): I calculated (via Cool Running's pace calculator) that a 22:59 5k was an overall average of 7:23. So, I decided that by the time I got to the top of the hill that I'd switch over to overall pace (rather than looking at my half mile splits) and that if I could just hold a 7:23 or better, I'd have it in the bag. At the top I was at a 7:19 and the entire rest of the run was downhill, so surely I could just maintain where I was, right????

So, I cruise the rest of the race...thinking holy moly I can't believe I'm actually going to do it! While I can feel myself starting to slow, I'm still maintaining a 7:22...coming into the final chute...still at 7:22...I've got no kick left but really, does it matter? I'm going to make it after all!

I cross the finish line (and for some reason never saw the clock), hit stop on my Garmin and look down to see this:

Total time - 23:16
Total avg pace - 7:22
Total distance - 3.15

What? How did that happen? I mean, yes, I still PR'ed in a huge way, but why didn't my strategy work? How could the course be .04 miles long and I didn't even think to calculate that??

My only hope was that maybe my chip time would be sub-23...but it wasn't.

And just for the record: my strategy would have worked if I had of known the course was long and maintained a 7:17 for the remainder of the race...

So, there you have it. So many factors going into this race determined my success (because a PR and 2nd place age group awards are successes), and just a few factors determined missing my goal (not running enough and relying on a strategy that didn't work for the distance). I am not upset or mad or ashamed one bit because through this all, I have finally realized that I can be good at this running thing. And crap, I've still got so much to learn and do to become excellent at it!

Where to go from here? Almost 8 months and two full phases of POD training and now it's time to move onto other things...running things, but new things none the less. I'll rest for a week or so and begin Phase I all over again, this time training for a half -marathon in January. My PR is 2 hours 16 minutes and I'm shooting for a 1 hour 40 minutes. Lofty, but doable goals. Of course, in order to do this I'll have to get back into the habit of running long, easy, marathon pace, etc. I'm still going to work on my speed for the shorter distances as well and am hoping that by next June I'll run a sub 21 minute 5k. Oh heck, since I'm pouring it all out here, I'll also inform you that after the half I plan on going back to marathon training and am hoping for a 3 hour 40 marathon between next year and 2011 in order to qualify for Boston.

Yes, I said it.

Qualifying for Boston.

But between now and then, I've still got so much work to do...so much POD to still find...and so many more races to run!

**Oh, and the highlight of my post-race victory: having another blog lurker introduce herself to me! Hi Teresa! I LOVE it when people tell them they've been following my blog, so please leave a comment, tell me hi at a race, or send me an email. I promise I won't think you're a stalker :)

Have a great Tuesday!

THE RACE THAT ALMOST WASN'T....

2009-08-23T12:55:00.003-05:00

I am usually a little nervous about races. Sometimes (see previous post) I don't even get nervous about the running part. Friday's race (Feed the Bears 5k to benefit the Mercer University Cross Country team) brought a different kind of anxiety....in the form of a bad temper and general loathing.

I have no idea but I DID NOT WANT TO RUN THIS RACE.

I even ran 5 miles Friday morning (the race was that night) just because I was certain that it was going to thunder storm and I'd be able to get out of running the race. As the day wore on and the threat of thunderstorms became a distant fable, I started to think it wouldn't be sooo bad if I got in a minor car crash (like a fender bender) that at least would give the perception that it's okay not to run the race.

That didn't happen either.

So, I showed up early. Got my race registration on and met my running buddies (RC, Marcus, Angela, and Ashley) for a 3 mileish warmup.

I'm sure they wanted to hit me. I complained the whole time. I whined for at least an entire mile. And the bad attitude I was wearing was as unattractive as slouchy boots coming back in style (yes, they were ugly back in the 80's and they are still ugly now).

I was just not feeling much love for this race. And I couldn't figure out why...I just wanted someone to say "Amy, your car is on fire! Quick, don't run! Go find a fire extinguisher!"

Yeah, that didn't happen either.

Fast forward to go-time and I've just resolved myself to run this race and hopefully finish. I kept envisioning myself spontaneously combusting mid-hill, or completely passing out three-tenths of a foot from the finish line.

Did I mention that I really really really didn't want to run this race?

My only motivation? The fact that Marcus wanted me to pace him...and well...that would require me to not only run, but run at a 7:50 pace.

Oh the things I get myself roped into....little did I know that he would be my motivation to not only finish, but finish in a not-so-shabby time.

Mile 0 - 1: despite the race starting on an uphill, mile 1 was easy. I'm not sure why it felt so good but I was casually chit chatting, keeping us locked on 7:50, instructing him who to follow if we lose each other (like when I spontaneously combust.)

Mile 1 - 1.5: we move into the point of the race where we literally are climbing (even if they were small) hills forever.

The Rest of the Race: I start realizing that maybe I'm not going to continue to feel as good as I did the first mile. The course is a 2 loop course, and it took everything in my power to not peel off at mile 1.5 and just go home. EVERYTHING IN MY POWER. I made it past the loop and as we crested yet another hill, I told Marcus to go on ahead. We were pacing at an 8-something and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to recover from it. He pulled ahead and did exactly as I had instructed...started pacing one of the two females who I knew were our pace. For the entire rest of the race it was Female #1 (Andi), Marcus, Female #2 (don't know her but am in awe at how she can run race after race with her long locks NOT pulled up in a hat or something), and then me. We were all within 5 seconds of each other so I was glad that I had sent Marcus in the right direction.

We are coming into the last hill...I'm not sure what happened....I think Marcus may have had ants in his pants...he took off so much so that I lost sight of him. Maybe that's why I ended up running that last hill faster than I ran any of the other 4 hills prior!

So, thanks Marcus for keeping me in the race!

In the end, I ran a good time (24:33)...and while not a personal best for a 5k, it was a personal best for my first night race.

And I didn't combust. Or pass out in front of the finish line. My car didn't catch on fire. And I didn't just lay down on the ground and die.

Nope, in the end I ended up with an okay time and some hardware (1st place for my age).

So, what did I learn?

Complaining will get me no where. Whining is for babies and princesses, and I am neither. If I don't want to keep running, I should just run faster.

And I'll totally run this hard course again next year!

37 miles this week. I'm pushing for 40 next before I start to taper (and get nervous) about the upcoming Labor Day Road Race!

Have a great week!

JIM HERRIN 5K

2009-08-09T09:55:00.002-05:00

I went into this run....well...for a couple of reasons, knowing that I'd get a PR.

1. I PR'ed just two days prior on a training run...duh.
2. I knew the course was flat flat flat.
3. I knew I was due a PR.

So, with that I went into this race completely and utterly not nervous. Which sortof scared me. And made me have this weird sensation of reverse-nervousness. I wasn't nervous about running...I was nervous about NOT being nervous.

Geez, I often wonder if I need to be medicated.

At any rate, just so you know, reverse-nervousness causes the same agony that real nervousness does: loss of sleep, stomach issues, grouchyness, etc. I was a basket case getting to the race (running late didn't help either); I made Troy make one pit stop at a convenient store on the way there (dreaded stomach issues); and I'm sure my attitude yesterday morning was less-than-pleasant.

Thankfully, when we arrived The Best Husband Ever (that's Troy) offered to go register us while I ran a couple of warm up miles. I decided on the loop around the mall where the race starts and ends. Because I've run 12 miles around that mall before (marathon training trying to get a long run in before a race a couple of years ago), I knew that the loop around the mall was exactly 1 mile. During that first mile, I had successfully convinced myself:

To not be nervous about not being nervous

To have fun because, duh, this is a hobby not a job

To be thankful for those two Grasshopper legs God blessed me with

Wow, I was a new woman by the time I got through with that first mile!

After my warm-up I was minding my own business (actually, I'm not really sure what I was doing) when two very bubbly runners approached me. Carey* Ann and Beth...introduced themselves (for real) as my very own Blog Stalkers...actually I think one of them even said "I hope you don't think we are stalkers or anything..." For a brief second, their bubbliness made me feel like a rock star! They seemed so excited to meet me, that well, I felt like maybe I should have given them my autograph or something. We spoke for a second and then wished each other well in the race....little did I know that it would take Carey Ann and Beth to get me through those last few minutes of the race!

My brother showed up with the rugrats in tow, and we were ready to begin the race.

Mile .00001 almost looked like a disaster. I was trying to break free from the pack and noticed something out of the corner of my eye. A girl fell and got trampled over. Do I stop? Do I keep going? I noticed some others stopping so (shamefully) I kept on going....

At a 7:30ish pace...but I felt great so I figured I'd just keep at it. We made the one very tiny climb out of the mall parking lot and I was still feeling great. I kept chanting to myself over and over again "this is fun. this is fun. this is fun." Up ahead I noticed local runner Andi and I knew she was about the pace that I'd like to run so I cruised behind her for a mile or so. She broke off to the 10k and I wondered if I'd be able to keep this up on my own. I was moving into that dreaded mile 2 and hoping that I hadn't burned too much during mile 1.

My Garmin was all over the place...I was 7:30 one second, and the next 7:50. I knew I just needed to keep it a 7:50 for a PR, or 7:42 for a sub-24 minute 5k. I passed Troy who was running out with my nephew and gave them the "thumbs up...keep on going" signal.

As we hit the 2 mile mark, this annoying little twit who had been running in front of me decided to stop. Or make a sudden decrease in his pace. RIGHT-IN-FRONT-OF-ME. I tripped over him, he tried to get up, tripping back over me...it was a mess. And I was aggravated! I was certain that he had slowed me down by 10 or 15 seconds at the least! A couple of seconds went by and then he decided to run beside me, apologizing, trying to carry on a conversation! Are you serious? We are running a 7:45 pace, you trip me, AND NOW...now, you are going to try and talk to me? I think I may have blown a snot rocket on him. He jumps in front of me, catches up with a kid in front of us, slows down to START CARRYING ON A CONVERSATION with that guy! Really? Are you kidding me? This is not social hour! If I had one ounce of breath to talk I would have told him "kid, if you can talk you are not running fast enough!" But I didn't...so I blew another snot rocket on him as I passed him...he played the "run around me, catch up to someone else, start talking to them, slow down so that I have to pass him" game for the entire last mile. I really wanted to hurt him.

The only thing that stopped me was the fact that I passed my brother and his daughter on that last mile and I knew they could still see me...Auntie Amy wouldn't look like a very good role model if she kicked a teenager in the shin.

In addition to finding a new found hate for that kid on the last mile, I was also dying. I just wanted to stop and walk. I was hot. I was tired. And I was sure that I wasn't going to PR. I knew there was a running club friend behind me (he told me he was going to use me to pace himself), and I couldn't let him pass me. I also went back to my favorite Blog Stalkers: Carey Ann and Beth. If I stopped and walked, how would I explain that to them? Would they really want to read a blog post that started and ended with: "I suck because I had to walk"? If I had a craptastic race that ended with me bonking, would they decide to stalk someone else's blog?

My rock star ego just wouldn't let it happen!

So, for you, Carey Ann and Beth, I kept on going!

After I hit the mile 3 mark, I just went into autopilot. I knew it was downhill and that I had put in a good effort. I rounded the corner just to see the clock tick over to "23 minutes..."

23 MINUTES?!?!?!

Are you kidding me????

I saw RC at the finish, yelling to "GO GRASSHOPPER! GO!" I started pumping my fists in the air (something I've never done before) and crossed the finish line in....

23 minutes and 35 seconds.

Crazy.

Just crazy.

I also scored some hardware...fair and square, I got 1st place in my age group! Sweet!

A race to remember...a race to inspire...a race to prove to myself that I can do this running thing!

Pictures will be up soon!

Have a great Sunday!

*I had no idea how to spell Carey...I'm sure that wasn't right and I apologize.

WHO DOES THAT?

2009-08-07T09:40:00.003-05:00

Last night I attempted my 4th (and wishing it was my final) TEMPO run. For you non-runners still following my blog, a tempo run consists of a short mile warm-up, followed by varying distances of intense pain and agony, followed by a short mile cool-down.

They stink.

They suck.

They are so hard to do.

Yet, it's what RC (and every other good runner) prescribe in order to become leaner and meaner. Or at the very least, just faster.

My pain and agony has increased to 5k TEMPO runs. According to my handy-dandy documentation, I am supposed to be running them at an 8:20 pace, or so. Over the last 3 I've gotten that time down to a 7:55 pace. 7:55 also happens to be my race pace. According to RC, that is nearly impossible to run your race pace for a TEMPO run. Yet, I do the impossible...week in and week out. In other words, I guess I should be running my races faster.

Like a whole minute faster.

But I think that's just down right crazy talk.

Until last night.

A harmless TEMPO run. I went into it with the same bad attitude I have every time I'm supposed to complete one of these. The day leading up to the run usually has me hoping and praying for alot of weird things: I hope that I'll trip during one of my daily errands and end up with a twisted ankle. I pray that it will be lightening at said TEMPO run time. I send voodoo messages to whoever in their sadistic mind invented the TEMPO run. I just want something to happen so that I cannot run a TEMPO. Last night was no exception, and as usual nothing happened that help me postpone the run.

I met Turbo-Tim at the track. He was already warmed up and ready for his run....off he went. I plugged around for a mile or so at a cool 9 minute pace. Stopped for some dynamic stretching, water, ipod check...and off I went. Mile one was a breeze. Kept a 7:49 pace...even getting down to the 7:30's for a bit before slowing myself down. It was just e-a-s-y.

Mile 2 and the brain starts reminding me that last week I wanted to puke around mile 2. It kept telling me to stop...go...stop...you can't do this...why bother...who do you think you are. After about 30 seconds of that, I regained control over my brain...telling it to shut the @#$% up and just go. At least make it to 2.5 miles and then we'll start talking about stopping.

So, I just ran. Approaching the 2.5 mile mark I was clear what my brain wanted...TO STOP.

But, something all of a sudden came over me. I started rationalizing with myself...telling myself all the reasons to NOT stop. That I wouldn't STOP in a race...that I wouldn't sabotage all this hard work...that maybe, just maybe, one day these will actually be fun.

And I just kept going.

Now, don't get me wrong. I still wanted to lay on the pavement and die. But that was just it! I KNEW I wasn't going to die. I KNEW I would finish and have the great reward of knowing that I had finished what I started.

Approaching mile 3, I decided to bag the last .11 miles of the 5k. I had made it this far without stopping...I could reward myself with skipping that last part of the run. I switched my Garmin over from half mile splits to see my overall pace. In my mind, I thought "if I'm at an overall pace of 7:55 I can stop."

I was shocked when my overall pace said "7:51"!

What? How did I do that? Why am I running so fast? Can I do this all the time?

And then...just then...I decided...what would happen if I just finished the entire 5k?

24:21 is what would (and did) happen. A race PR on a TEMPO run. And an overall pace of 7:49, shaving 2 seconds off of my pace in the last minutes of the run.

Who does that? Who runs a RACE PR in a TEMPO run? Who-does-that?

The Grasshopper does. That's who.

Saturday brings a 5k and I'm shooting for the stars! Or at the very least a super-duper PR!

Have a great weekend!

WOODSTOCK/ANNISTON 5K

2009-08-02T10:28:00.004-05:00

Friday evening Troy and I traveled to Anniston, Alabama in hopes of securing a coveted Woodstock Bobblehead award...okay, so my real goal was just to run the 5k...in a respectable time...and have fun.

At least I got the fun part right.

Let me preface this post by saying that if anyone knows how to put on a 5k, it's the Anniston Running Club! Holy moly, they got EVERYTHING right! From the pasta dinner the night before (that was REAL food, served on REAL plates), to the post-race spread of Mellow Mushroom pizza, popsicles, watermelon, bananas, cookies, oranges and even Waffle House hashbrowns cooked on site...they really couldn't have done a better job! I've never seen such a well organized start and finish line, the race distance was spot-on, and the city streets were lined with spectators and volunteers. Even the play area they set up for the kiddos was impressive. The race director mentioned that the community "really supports this race"....and wow, do they ever!

As usual* we were late to the packet pick-up/pasta dinner. RC and crew were kind enough to pick up my packet, hold a table for us, and even secure a spot in line for us at the pasta dinner. After dinner RC took us over to the course to set-up our tent, and give us a sneak preview of the course. With the preview done, we headed back to our hotel to prep for the 5am wake up call.

*"Usual" in this context refers to the time period spanning the last 4 years. Prior to meeting Troy, I really used to be on time for things. Really, I did....

5am came too early (and so did 1am and 3am as I spent most of the night tossing and turning). For some reason, I really hadn't been nervous about this race. I'm not sure why. Maybe I really had convinced myself that running only 20 miles over the last two weeks would in fact be great race preparation, or maybe I was just being cocky again...whatever the reason, I just didn't have butterflies in my stomach.

...until RC, Troy, and I decided to do pre-race warm up by running the course. For what looked really innocent in the car the night before, was a totally different story on foot. The first mile was mostly downhill and flat. E-A-S-Y. The only struggle I thought I might have was going out too fast. We made a couple of turns through the downtown residential area during the first mile. On the 3rd or 4th turn, we began to run a long stretch of road (approximately 1/2 mile in length) that looked harmless. From the car, it looked flat. Now, on the pre-race warm up, I could already feel my heart rate rising with each step. It was not in fact flat, but a steady incline for the entire 1/2 mile. And as I was getting out of breath, not even half-way through the course (on the warm-up no less), I started to get those dreaded butterflies. Thoughts of only running 20 miles over the last two weeks, not running hill repeats, etc started to flood my mind. What had I gotten myself into?

We finally made a right turn and the road began to level out...another right turn and we were headed back downhill. Yahoo! Recovery time! Another half mile or so of rolling hills followed by another half mile of flat-flat-flat...in my mind, I began to convince myself that whatever I had lost on that last mile, I could surely makeup on this flat terrain. The final half mile was another climb, but again in my ridiculous mind, I thought that my sheer will to PR would help me climb that last hill.

Boy, was I wrong.

The race sortof went like this:

Mile 0-1: Wow this is easy...maintaining a 7:47 pace, giving myself enough leverage to slow down on mile 2 (if I have to). Why was I ever nervous?

Mile 1-2: Oh dear...what was I thinking? Why am I even running this race? At least I'm still passing people, but really, am I going to make it? [insert a few random prayers] Oh my...am I really thinking about walking? Whose stupid idea was it to run this course in the most hilly part of town? I saw some really good stretch of flat road on my way in...stupid race directors...I'm never running this race again....really, another hill? Give me a break! I hate this race and everything it stands for: torture, insanity, and just plain meanness.

Mile 2-3: Hmmm...well, I'm now 19 seconds off of my overall pace to run a 24:14. Maybe I can make it up on that flat part. Maybe the race directors aren't so stupid after all. Maybe, wow just maybe, it's my fault that I'm running such a horrible race. Ok, shaved 3 of those 19 seconds off...maybe there is still hope for me...why am I running so slow...why won't my legs keep going? I'm never under training again. This really sucks. And I still have one more hill. Just don't walk...just don't walk...just don't walk.

Mile 3 - 3.11: I really really hope that RC and his family and Troy have decided to go get a drink and aren't watching for me at the finish line. I can't even muster a smile...and I'm certainly not going to PR...[insert prayer that they had to run to the car and won't be there to watch me cross the finish line]...this is going to be embarrassing.

Finished. 25:07.

And yes, they were all there at the finish line...with cameras in tow...to catch all my miserableness in action. I could even hear them yelling for me even though I never saw them. Total embarrassment, miserableness, and some serious kicking of myself for under training.

Of course, it only took about 5 minutes of cooling down to decide that I'll be back next year!

I will not let this race beat me!

I went into this race knowing that I would have placed 3rd in my age group if I ran last year's race based on my current PR...so I was really disappointed to look at the race results and realize that I could have placed 3rd in this year's race if I had of trained well the last two weeks. I ended up tying for 4th...just more motivation to go back next year and try for 2nd place (or even 1st!) in my age group.

RC had an awesome race, running it in 17:17 (his goal was 17:20)! Way to go RC!

RC's Mom won First Grandmaster! Way to go Rosie!

And Jim (Team POD) and MaryAnn (Jim's wife) ran a hard-fought race themselves.

The final prize winner for the day was a man who has been participating in the race for the last 15 or 20 years...as he approached the finish line...a little over an hour and a half after the race started, the spectators gathered around the finish line, chanting his name, clapping, screaming...he wore bib number 92 to signify his age...92 years old...he shook his arms in the air as he crossed under the finish line...the whole town stopped what they were doing to cheer him in...it was an amazing, and humbling sight, and one that I won't miss next year for anything!

TEMPO RECAP

2009-07-30T08:00:00.002-05:00

Well, I made it through the run...most of it anyway. I don't know if it was lack of sleep (see previous post), dehydration, or just general laziness but about a mile into my 5k tempo run I thought I was going to die...it coincided with the time that RC began to lecture me on the 3 phases of running a race (mile 1 - set the tempo, mile 2 - struggle through the pain, mile 3 - it's all heart). I kept telling myself that it was just mile 2...it was just mile 2...get through it and move on. At the 1/2 way point I told RC I was going to throw up (or I think that's what I said)...of course, being the good coach he is, he told me to push through it. At the 1.97 mile point I just stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn't decide if I was going to throw up or just lay down and die. I hate to throw up so in my confusion I figured dying would be better. We walked it off for a couple of minutes and then I ran the remainder of the 5k at my tempo pace.

Because that's what Grasshopper's do.

They finish what they started.

After the run I was relieved to hear RC say that stopping in the middle of a tempo run is something that he's done often. I was sortof disappointed for stopping, since I had done this before, and at that pace. I was also relieved to hear him say that I was sortof a different case on the tempo anyway because I usually run them at or very near (like within a few seconds) of race pace. For example, I ran a 7:57 today - 2 seconds slower than my race pace. RC runs his at 6:00 - almost 40 seconds slower than his race pace. Of course he further explained that that meant I wasn't running my races fast enough....

I'm officially moving into Phase IV of training which means longer tempo runs...longer intervals...buckets and buckets of fun.

This weekend Troy and I are going to Anniston AL to run the Woodstock 5k with a few members of Team POD. Keeping my fingers crossed that I come home with a coveted Bobble Head! Or at the very least, keeping my fingers crossed that RC comes home with a BIG Bobble Head!

Have a great Thursday!

I'LL DO ANYTHING

2009-07-30T03:49:00.000-05:00

For running that is....up at 3:30 this morning...maybe anxious about my 5:30 tempo run with RC? I shouldn't be since according to his latest review of my Garmin data I have become increasingly better at endurance runs (tempos and intervals). Unfortunately, I've traded those runs for my slower, easier runs and therefore my total mileage has suffered immensely.

Who gives up easy runs in place of tougher, challenging runs?

I guess the same person who gets up 2 hours before a run...for no reason at all.

Have a great Thursday!

SOLO RUNNING

2009-07-25T07:24:00.002-05:00

For anyone that knows me, you know how much I don't like to be alone. Not in co-dependent-I-can't-think-for-myself way, but more in a I-like-people-and-being-around-people way. I got my ability to carry on a conversation with a wall from my dad. And my sister got the more introverted, home-body type personality from our mom. I guess my brother got the best of both worlds and I'm sure he's flattered that I said that.

So, when it comes to running my immense urge to be around other people isn't much different. I like running with someone...anyone. And, I often find myself sandbagging my run if I don't have anyone to run with. As I've gotten faster in this running game, I've found fewer and fewer people to run with. It's like I'm in this awkward, in between stage of running....my clothes don't fit right, I'm not sure if boys still gross me out, and if anyone finds out I'm still playing with my Barbies I might just die.

Wait...not those tween years. No...it's more like that in between stage where I have a few running friends who (currently) run a tad slower than me, and I've got a few running friends who (currently) run a tad (or a lot) faster than me. And I don't know anyone who is (currently) running at my suggested paces.

And if I continue to sand bag runs, all my currently-slower-than-me-friends will be faster-than-me-friends.

So, this week I made it a point to do some solo runs. And not the easy paced runs...the hard, grueling, why-am-I-out-here-and-when-can-I-stop sort of runs. Mainly my speedwork (4 x 1200s) and my tempo run. I need to feel okay running alone and (gasp) I need to actually try and enjoy them enough that I can regularly become a solo runner.

I chose a busy track for my speedwork. It was early morning and all the mall walkers were out in full bloom. There were no runners, so that actually made it easier. I didn't feel like I was competing with anyone but me. My goal was to run them in 5:35 (or around a 7:25 pace). I ended up finishing them...all 4 of them...all by myself in 5:35, 5:24, 5:29, 5:30. After each interval I would huff and puff and say I'm going to ~~blow this house down~~ quit on this next one. But, I'd rest for the prescribed 4 minutes (see I do listen RC!) and like a German wind up doll, I'd just do it all over again. After I finished I found out that most of the mall walkers were watching me the whole time...in amazement (their word, not mine) that I just continued to push on, lap after lap after lap. It felt pretty good to think that for the first time in my life, I completed an entire speedwork session with the assistance of no one. (Okay, and it felt good to know that everyone was watching me in amazement too...)

Yesterday I decided I'd do a 5k tempo run at a 7:55 pace...all...by...my...self. As I warmed up I thought about how I tend to sand bag myself at the beginning of a race by doing the exact opposite of most everyone else - I start off too slow. I tend to start around an 8:15 out of fear that I'll go out too fast and bonk in the end. I needed to prove to myself that I can start off fast and hold on. I decided that I'd start this run at 7:55 and just hang on for dear life. (Also, the benefits of running solo...I'm sure if I had of been running with RC and brought up this hair-brained idea, he would have asked me if I had been taking too much pain medicine and told me to just follow the program...)

Well, I ended up starting off at 7:42 for mile 1 (maybe I am on something?) and then 7:46 for mile 2 (maybe I'm just an idiot?). And then I realized that my heart rate was red lining it (199) and there would be no way that I'd be able to continue for another mile....if I wanted to live to see Saturday that is.

So, I stopped. Rested for a bit and finished up the last mile at my marathon pace (8:45) thus proving to myself that 7:42 is still too fast for me to start. But, I also proved that I could run by myself and continue to run even when my body just wants to lie on the ground and die. I also ~~think~~ know that if I had of started at 7:55 I would have been able to hang on for the remaining mile. And I was pretty damn proud of the fact that I still continued to run at a not-easy pace for another mile just because I was supposed to run a solid 5k.

I might frequent this running alone thing again soon. I actually enjoyed them, despite the fact that on both occasions I thought I might die. I got to actually think through my runs...the strategy, the pace, the pain and suffering. All of it.

I may become an introvert, home-body after all....or maybe I'll just take this solo thing one step at a time...

Have a great weekend!

A LITTLE BLOGGING LOVE

2009-07-18T13:33:00.002-05:00

Yep...that's what I'm giving you...a little love...in the form of two posts in one week!

And this one won't even be about running.

For the record, if one more person tells me "I only read your blog posts that don't have to do with running because that running stuff doesn't make any sense to me", I'm going to S-C-R-E-A-M. It's running...put one foot in front of the other. How complicated is that? Besides, look at the title...it's not called "Amy's RUNNING Life" for nothing...

But I digress, because this week I've only run 12 miles and I won't be allowed to run again until Monday...so no running updates. Boo for that.

Actually, now that I'm typing, I'm thinking this post is going to be short and sweet. Because typing with 1 1/2 arms is no fun. Want to know why?

On Thursday, Dr. 90210 decided that I needed yet another surgery on my arm (actually, he decided many months ago but we just got around to doing it now). So, I had this huge dent in my arm (and yes, I know my husband owns a company that removes dents...just not this kind of dent...actually, I think if I would have let him, he would have tried). At any rate, Dr. 90210 moved some fat around (unfortunately not from my butt) and made my dent go away. Or at least we hope it did. I'm now in a half cast with my arm splinted at an approximate 90 degree angle. And it's my left arm. And I'm left handed. Which is making normal life a little difficult. And to top it off, because Dr. 90210 doesn't want to have to repeat surgery (for a 4th time) he doesn't want me doing anything...including running. He sucks.

Oh, and Troy watched the whole thing. I, on the other hand, turned Micheal Buble up really really loud on my ipod and kept my eyes closed for the whole thing. Yes, I was awake during it all. And yes, on more than one occasion I thought I was going to pass out. It never hurt but it all just felt weird...in a weird sort of way that made me want to pass out.

So, I'm left with nothing to do for the weekend except drink beer and surf the Internet. Wow...now that I type it, it doesn't sound so bad.

In other unrelated news, I still heart my new job in a much bigger way than I ever thought I would. I've been so busy I haven't really had time to stop and think about whether I miss my other job or not. I like relatively being on my own schedule. I like sitting in my office at home and working from my pajamas. I like feeling busy and productive and actually making a difference for my future. I just love it! It's been one month since I left the cushy life of a government employee and by the looks of the way business is running, I definitely made the right decision.

So, there...a little blog love...have a great weekend!