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April 17, 2012

ADDICTION

Last weekend, over dinner, our friend (who happens to not only be a fast runner, but also the general manager of our local running specialty stores), told us that he thinks all runners have some sort of addiction...himself included.

I couldn't have agreed with him more.

As I think back to 2005, when I started this whole running thing, I was highly addicted to smoking, eating Snickers bars for lunch, and washing down my dinner of Wendy's fries with an ice cold beer.  It's safe to say, I was in a much different place back then.  I started running to curb my addiction to all those bad things.  And I've been running every since to curb or stave off one addiction after another (mostly in the sugary-sweet food arena).

So, it comes as no surprise to myself that I've become addicted to CrossFit.  I look at our local CrossFit's FB page right before I go to bed every night, and as soon as I wake up in the morning.  I have a dire need to know what the WOD (workout of the day) is.  All-the-time.  I have caught myself Googling "Fran" and "Murph" and most recently "Helen" just so I can watch other stronger and faster people do what I don't do well.  I had a conversation with someone recently...it was totally unrelated to CrossFit...but I found myself using CF lingo in our discussion (AMRAP).  I just like it...in an addicted to be stronger kind of way.  When I started running, I felt thinner, sleeker, and faster.  CrossFit just makes me feel like a badass.  All the time.  Even if I can't throw a hammer correctly, or touch my toes to the bar.  I still feel like an increasingly stronger badass.

Every month there is a different challenge...lose some weight...do squats everyday...do partner WODs...etc.  This month there is a Beach Body BINGO game.  I've never been a fan of bingo. I don't think it's a bad game, just boring.  I am too impatient to wait long enough to get BINGO (which is ironic, because on a daily basis I am trying to teach Bren about patience...). At any rate, as is true to my bad form, I have become addicted to the bingo game.  Five squares across and five down...25 total.  I am truly, madly, deeply in love with this game.  I do not just want to get BINGO, I want to put a big, fat black X over every single bingo square.  All 25 of them.  And the anticipation of fulfilling this dream is driving me nuts.  I want to be done with it today...18 days into the month...the anti-patience part of me is ready for this to be over.  Unfortunately, some squares can't be X'ed off until the end of the month (doing ab work everyday...besting my 1000m row time from the first of the month...going to at least 2 Signature Saturdays...etc).

The part that is really getting me is the first column "Body"...those 5 squares are: lose five pounds, lose 2% body fat, drop a pants size, lose one or more inches from anywhere on my body (I picked my rear end), and have before/after photos done.   It's driving me bananas.  I lost 2.5 pounds only to gain 1.5 of it back.  I've only lost .6% of body fat.  And my inches...well, I think my initial measure is wrong because today my butt was one inch bigger than my first measurement 18 days ago.  I know the weight issue probably has to do with muscle mass.  I can tell that my pants are looser and contrary to measurements, I know my butt is smaller!  The BF % is another story...I'm sure the brownies and chocolate cake I had over the weekend could be a culprit.

I also know this bingo game is supposed to be a motivator.  And it has been.  I've been incredibly reluctant to go to a Signature Saturday WOD...they always look so daunting.  But, I went last weekend and for the first time since October, I actually did everything as prescribed.  I also have no excuse to not go at least 3 times a week (need to check off that bingo square).  But, the "Body" part of this challenge is proving to be too much.

I told Troy this morning that I was going to swear off sugar - all of it - for the next 12 days.  Maybe, just maybe I can eek out those body squares if I pay better attention to my eating (not "diet" - I hate that word).  I began to tell him how over 10 years ago, I lost 25 pounds in three months...I was going through a not-so-pleasant moment in life and had a "diet"...well, one that consisted of cigarettes, Snickers bars, peanut butter crackers, diet coke, and beer....it's so aggravating that now, when I'm at my healthiest, I can't lose five pounds, but when I'm at my worst I can drop 4 pants sizes in two months.

And as aggravated as I was, it FINALLY dawned on me how great things are.  Sure, I can't do a correct pull-up (yet) or deadlift the prescribed weight, but I can run a marathon.  And do 100 burpees.  And chase my child (who is now a walk/runner).  I can sleep at night and not constantly worry about how I'm going to pay off debt.  I can look at photos of skydiving, beach trips, and Brenna's baptism and get a lump in my throat.  And really, I can live with five extra pounds or +2 % body fat.  I really can.  Sometimes it just takes a small conversation, one about addiction or one about how life used to be, to really turn my thinking around.  To remind me of where I've been and how far I've come. 

My neuroticism about this bingo game probably won't end, but now I feel like I can look at that card and know, whether I complete all 25 squares or not, I'm still going to feel like a badass :)

Have a great week!

4 comments:

Troy Tarpley said...

Another awesome post!

Anonymous said...

I also experienced that. It's in the start that it is hard to maintain running. But once i get hooked up there is no stopping. Running gives me a natural high. Do you still go to the bingo?

Jeavon
writer @ pedometer reviews

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Jenny said...

Nice stuff! Keep up the work on posts like this....enjoyed it.