I never have been, and I'm doubting that at almost 34 years of age, I ever will be. Now don't get me wrong - if you tell me a secret, mums the word! But, if I have a secret about myself...well...it's not kept secret for very long. I've been that way my entire life...my mother used to say "telephone - telegraph - teleAmy." I just talked alot as a kid...and now even as an adult I find it hard to just be quiet.
At any rate, yesterday I was laying in bed thinking about this blog post. What was I going to say? How was I going to say it? I began to think about why people hold this type of secret. I know for most it's because if something were to happen they would not want to face everyone's questions, consoling, and general chatter about said situation. And I thought about me: I'm not afraid to talk about anything, even if it is going to hurt. I also thought about crying. If the secret got out, but then didn't come true would I cry every time someone talked about it?
Let me back up a minute. When I was a kid, I was CRYER. I cried about everything from my hair, to my mean sister, to the way some boy looked at me, to my mean brother, to the way my hair looked (the disposition of my hair always seemed to turn on the water works.) Something happened in my mid to late 20's. I finally realized that crying was not going to change a single thing about my situation....my hair would still look awful regardless of how much crying I did. I finally learned to grow up, take matters into my own hands, and fix the things that needed fixing (including the mop on my noggin.) As a matter of fact, Troy has seen me cry twice in the last five years - once when he asked me to marry him (at that time he had NEVER seen me cry so he thought something was wrong) and once when the combination of wedding planning-work-grad school-studying for the CPA exam just got the best of me.
I was thinking about all of this and how it would intertwine itself into a blog post, while I was still lying in bed.
And then I got my lazy carcass up and went to church.
To my amazement, our pastor spoke on Revelations 7:13 -
For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.
And it hit me like a ton of bricks. I need not worry about spilling the beans and then being sad if something happens - because for whatever tears I may have, will be wiped away by the hand of God.
And I (we) couldn't be happier about it!!! It's our first so we are just super-excited about it all! Okay, maybe not "about it all"...but take away the body morphing, the sleepless nights (which I'm already experiencing), and the mood swings (which contrary to what my mother will tell you, have not begun.)
Another side note about the pastor: I saw him in a department store a month or so ago and he was inquiring about my running - I told him that it pretty much sucked and I wasn't sure why. He looked at me and told me it was my body's way of getting ready for a baby. I thought he was crazy, at the time, but I guess he knew what he was talking about because I was actually pregnant when he told me that!
Now, as for running...well....I have discovered that I'm not Paula Radcliffe (shocking, huh?)...While I've not been maintaining any sort of super-sonic speed, or even mileage worth talking about, I have been maintaining a pseudo-run schedule that RC is still in charge of. Of course, my on pace strides have been replaced with "bun in the oven strides" and my new easy pace has creeped back up to my old easy pace. But, I'm running "singing in the rain" paces these days and loving every minute of it. My goal is to walk 1 mile and run 3 everyday. If I can accomplish that, well, then I will consider myself lucky!
So, there...now that my little secret is out I can finally go back to blogging on a regular basis!