I'm not sure what's going on with me lately. I can't believe I'm about to say this....
I'm just not interested in running.
Well, not running fast anyway.
I think about speedwork and my head starts to ache.
I think about a TEMPO and I break my arm, get a shin splint, or come down with a raging cold (okay, the arm thing was a little dramatic, but you get where I'm going with this.)
I'm just totally, 100 percent not invested in this.
And for the love of all things running, I can't figure out why.
And it's driving me absolutely bonkers.
It started several months ago. I thought that maybe it was because I didn't have a concrete goal. So I made one. And two. And ten. None of them seemed to light that inner-runner-fire in me.
Then I thought it was because I needed a definitive, written schedule to follow. So I made one. And two. And ten. Again, nothing. Not one of them made me want to go and run my heart out.
Then I thought it was work. And my new job that seems to not ever end. I guess that's what happens when your self-employed. The job keeps going day and night. Our official hours are 8am to 6pm. So I decided to try and get all my runs in at 7am. I tried one day. And two days. And ten days. And while I loved running at those times, I found that I struggled with making myself run fast on those mornings. I could get up and run 6 easy miles. But, include some speed, hills, intervals, tempos? Nope, couldn't muster up the energy to do anything but run easy. So, I did what made me feel better....I just gave up on trying to run at 7am.
And now, here I sit. With nothing. No enthusiasm. No inner-runner-fire. No mojo.
It's weird because I see race results or read others stories about their awesome PR at a local race and I think "wow, I want to do that." But then I can't find the energy to follow through with it. I know I don't have nearly the amount of work on my plate as others, but I feel overwhelmed and training to run fast just seems like something else on my endless list of to-dos. I don't know how to find that person that I was just a year ago when the possibilities of getting faster were just endless. At the time, I thought nothing would stand in my way of getting faster. And now, here I sit with this giant invisible roadblock.
Is it burnout? Is it laziness? Am I overworked? Am I putting too much pressure on myself?
What is it?
I am certain that I can't move on until I figure out what it is. I don't want to hang up my running shoes. I love running. I love going out for a 10 mile run with the wind at my back and the sun in my face. I love running a 5k and finding out that I finished it faster than I did a year ago. I love running with my friends. I love talking about running, especially to someone who doesn't think they could ever do it. I don't dislike running. I am sure of that. But, I'm beginning to feel like a quitter...
If you've gone through this before, PLEASE post a comment. I need all the advice I can get!