I've received alot of really great advice over the last week regarding my lack of motivation, my loss of mojo, and my search for some answers.
Our favorite blogger and breaking the tape guy Jeff sent me a very lengthy and timely email regarding some of what may be going on. He really put it to me straight on such issues as sleep, nutrition, and being flexible. I liked the advice so much that I even printed out the email and posted it on the bulletin board in my office. But, it's what he said in a later email that really has got me thinking. Below is an excerpt from that email:
"you can't slack. you can't get overwhelmed. you can't back off orfalter or wane. why, do you ask? because of your readers. one ofthe rarities in the blogging community is women who are fit and takecontrol of their lives and are making positive changes in their lives. you exude that. your optimism and enthusiasm for the things youattack is infectious. it's contagious and it's inspirational. youcan't begin to imagine the awesome impact your blogging has on theother women (and men, too!) who read you..."
That email struck a cord with me. At the time I wasn't sure what it was supposed to mean, but I knew that it meant something. And the rest of this week I've been trying to put that email in a context that would make sense to me, and would make sense to my general laziness lately.
And so this morning, I awoke to the sounds of thunder. And for a moment my little heart was happy. I thought, I'll go check the weather, read some blogs, catch up on email, and figure out the rest of the day after that. And as I was getting my laptop out, Troy commented that a runner was passing our house. Well, he looked like a runner, but he was actually walking...and I thought how much more motivated he was than I am....and then I proceeded to surf the net.
And here I am, reading post after post about race reports, great runs, and not so great runs. And then out of the corner of my eye, I see runner/walker boy pass back by the house and it dawned on me that I haven't heard the faintest sound of thunder or the seen the first drop of rain...but yet, I still sit here.
And then I read Jim's post about vacation does not mean lazy and how much he's run, or will run, while he's on vacation...and here I sit.
And then I came back to Jeff's email. And what is going on with me. And why I just can't seem to get out there and do it. And I think I know why....because I feel like I have nothing to run for. I know I said earlier that I feel like I have to prove something, but I'm not sure what. But really, I think it's the not having the "what" that is making me so damn lazy. I'm going to be totally honest. Up through San Diego, what kept me going was Troy running with me, asking me about runs, talking about running, the feeling that I might let Troy down if I don't run. And now I don't have that. I mean I still have Troy (duh) but I don't have that feeling that I'm going to let someone down.
Insert Jeff's email.
I had no idea that I might be someone else's motivation. That the fact that almost 2 years ago I smoked and wouldn't have dared lace up a pair of running shoes. That the fact that I said "I quit smoking" or the fact that I said "I'm going to run a marathon before I'm 30" or the fact that I did both of those actually might have motivated someone else to do the same, or something similar. I had no idea that shaving 5 minutes off of my pace might make someone else try to do the same. I just had no idea that I might be letting someone down...someone who might read my blog but never post a comment...someone who might read my blog but never put on a pair of running shoes...someone who might read my blog and be in the exact same place that I am right now. I just had no idea.
And so I owe everyone who might fit into that category an apology. Sorry for letting you down. Thanks for listening to my whining and griping and general self-pity. I can't promise it won't ever happen again, but if it does, well you just give me a swift kick in the rear and tell me to remember why I run. Because I wasn't born to.
As for me...after sitting on the couch for over 2 hours, I'm off for a 5 miler.
I'm leaving you with a great quote from Phil's blog:
"If it weren't for racing, we'd all be joggers."
Have a great day!