July 20, 2007

Happy Days

Once upon a time there was this girl....who felt totally lost. For the sake of simplicity, let's just call her Amy. One night. Actually, on the very last night of lecture in her Finance class she had an epiphany. It all started when Amy actually felt like enduring the five solid hours of lecture. She sat patiently, waiting for each break, doodling little notes to herself, wondering why she didn't just get up and leave (like she has been doing the last 2 weeks). Something was lighting a fire under Amy. But she wouldn't figure out what it was until the next morning. So, that night Amy endured only 4 hours of enlightening (right) talk of covariance, asset beta tests, and dividend theories. (note: the one night she decided to stick it out, the professor let them go early).

That evening as Amy headed home she was proud of her accomplishment. She hadn't given up. She stuck out the entire class...and was rewarded by getting out an hour early! She arrived home where her prince (none of this is made up) was waiting with dinner ready. [Okay, so that was made up. He was actually working and helped me unload all the leftovers from the fridge, cause it was the dreaded leftovers night]. At any rate, as they sat there and ate their dinner they discussed the day. When Amy was finished she announced that she would be settling in on the couch to watch some tv while the handsome prince went outside to finish working. It was 10:45pm.

All of a sudden, Amy sat up on the couch and said "I'm sick of this! I know I will just fall asleep so why not get ready for bed, and gasp! actually go to bed for a change." Although the idea sounded foreign to Amy, she gave it a try.

Fast forward to 5am. Alarm clock ringing and Amy sits up. Wide awake. Ready for a new day. She felt like she had been asleep for days, when in actuality it was only 6 hours. How could this be?? She quickly got dressed and headed downstairs...lifted some weights, made lunches, did her normal routine, and then she was off to run 3 miles.

Okay, this where the story ends because I'm tired of referring to myself as Amy.

So, I head to the base and on my way contemplate whether I'm going to walk any. In my mind I know I'm just sabotaging myself by stopping and walking. I know that I am capable of running the full distance. And then it dawns on me.

At what point did I start making so many excuses? I've never been one to throw the blame game around. I've never been one to make excuses. I've always just said "I'm going to do it" and then I just do. It all started to unfold as I'm driving down the highway. All the excuses that I've been using over the last few months...I'm dehydrated, I'm tired, I'm too busy, I didn't eat well today, I didn't get enough sleep....blah blah blah. It was like this flood of excuses just running through my brain, and for a minute I was totally embarrassed. I just thought, at what point did I make this okay????

So, first order of business. Run that 3 miles without stopping. And was like someone was looking over my shoulder to make sure I didn't stop. Because as soon as I got to the trail, I saw a sea of airmen getting ready for PT. As I blazed past them, I thought there is no way I'm letting them see me walk! And (almost strategically placed) I just kept running into more squadrons. And I just kept passing them. It felt good to run past a bunch of boys (and a few girls). And I really wanted to turn around and say "you're gonna let a GIRL beat you????" But I didn't. Only because I have to work with these people. And just when I thought enough was enough I saw 26Marathons headed my way. Like an angel waiting to save me. And he turned around and ran in with me.

3 solid miles people. It felt so terribly good. I had no excuses. And no regrets.

I think I remember saying that I just couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. That I knew it was something, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. Well, now I've figured it out. And Jeff was so right. That good night of sleep lifted me out of this fog and made me realize what I'm doing here. I have never possessed the speed and the power to be some super-star runner. But I have always possessed and a will and a determination to do whatever I want to do. REGARDLESS OF WHETHER I WAS BORN TO DO IT OR NOT. In the few short hours that I've been awake today I've brought myself back to where I was a year and a half ago. The happiest, luckiest girl in the world. And how quickly I had forgotten that!

Thanks to everyone for patting me one the back, pulling my face out of the mud, and giving me a swift kick in my behind (jeff). I needed it. But what I really needed was to realize that the excuses have to stop. Everything that I'm doing (or not) are caused by me. Not eating properly, not hydrating properly, not getting enough sleep. It's all me people.

And today I can say: No more excuses people. Really, no more.

P.S. Tim, I stuck a note on my desk this morning that says "hydrate frequently". Thanks for the tip!

Oh, and because I'm so awesome, I'm going to run another 4 miles this evening, and 6 tomorrow.

Have a great weekend, because I know I will!!!!


Firefly's Running said...

YAYYYYYYYY! That's great!

jeff said...

this brings me endless joy. i'm smiling a HUGE grin over here!