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September 02, 2006

Goals

I was asked in my previous post what my goals were...and it got me to thinking. I should only be making promises to myself that are in direct fulfillment of my short and long term goals. Right? I don't know if that is what Kurt meant, but it's where my brain directed me. And then I started to think about all the goals I have....

To run a marathon in all 50 states, and every country I vist, to pass the cdfm exam, to pass the cpa exam, to finish grad school, to be successful in my job like maybe working at the pentagon or somewhere else cool like that, or to be a mom because i don't want to do both at the same time, to lose 5 lbs, to be able to look at my body and be happy with it, to have legs that make people look twice at them, to have long hair, to hike the AT, to drink plenty of water everyday, to not procrastinate, to read every day, to catch up on the blogs i like to read, to stop watching reality tv, or at the very least stop lying when peeps ask if i watched the latest episode of Flava flavs show...you see the list goes on and on...i often say to people "when I grow up I want to be...." a chef, a meteorolgist, a jump master, a personal trainer, a Navy seal, a shoe buyer (which was my original profession choice btw) and on and on and on.

I think what all of this means is that i have a goal to do EVERYTHING. Well, maybe i won't ever pierce my skin with safety pins and hang myself from meat cleavers, but pretty much everything else is game.

And I am struggling with picking just a few things to do now. And save a few for later. I want to do everything now. And I'm not sure why.

And honestly, I never ever thought about it until Kurt posed that question to me....

I think that most of my never ending conquest to do everything right here, right now stems from spending most of my 20's with one person that I foolishly tried to change. I spent most of that decade of my life putting my life on hold so that I could worry about his. And when I finally felt some liberation, in the form of "don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya", I started to do EVERYTHING. And the more I did, the more I wanted to do more. And more. And more. And the more I was confident that I could in fact do EVERYTHING. And then I met T who instilled much more confidence in me...so much so, that I really did EVERYTHING the first year we met....

And now I think it's just spun out of control. Although I think it is wonderful to have goals, I currently have too many. And as much as I sit here and begin to write about how I need to get rid of them, I get this sick feeling in my stomach. Like maybe I might miss out on something. Like maybe I missed out on a decade of doing stuff. Like maybe I might go back to that place where I don't really exist, and that only the things that I do for others exist.

Man, I had no idea exploring my inner goals would get me to this place.

If Kurt further posed the question, "from the list above, if you could only do 5 more things in your life, which would they be?"

1. To run a marathon in all 50 states, and every country I visit.
2. To be a mom.
3. To be able to look at my body and be happy with it.
4. To hike the AT.
5. To stop lying to peeps about my obsessiveness with Flava-flav (or any other reality star for that matter).

For now, for today, my goal is to walk 5 minutes, run 5 minutes for a total of 30 minutes with T. And to spend the day with T. That's it. If I don't get anything else done today, I will know that I fulfilled my goals for the day.

And in the grand scheme of things that is all that really matters, right?

Have a safe and happy holiday weekend!!!

10 comments:

Firefly's Running said...

Goals are good.

Phil said...

Wow ... nice job on your goal setting. I hope you won't delay 2 through 5 while you try to finish 1.

Wanna-be 5k-er said...

It is hard to have to narrow down all the things you want to do, I know!

But I just keep thinking how cool it is that you have choices. You have worked hard to get yourself to a place where you have choices, that is something to be thankful for.

You are smart to limit yourself for now. GL GL.

neese said...

"don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya", lol that's funny, and i have said that in my life too, and have come to find all sorts of great things about myself, and a new love that is beyond spectacular.

keep on keepin on sista!

miss petite america said...

with the attitude you have now, you will accomplish any and all of your goals, girl!

KT said...

What's that saying? Dreams are goals that haven't been written down? Yours are written down now...

What's the AT? I am dumb.

Kurt said...

Great and keep working your goals.

Just keep them prioritized and recognize they will all vary in time for accomplishment.

Way to go!

a.maria said...

good goals. this has prompted me to start thining about mine.

i need to write them down somewhere..
hmm. maybe my blog!!?!

thanks kurt and thank YOU for this great idea!

21st Century Mom said...

Those are excellent goals. The 50 marathons thing is kind of out there but if you give yourself long enough it seems very doable.

The good thing about goals is that they give us a direction to take every day. Accomplishing them feels great and getting diverted from them gives us pause to consider what we are doing and act with intention rather than just passing time. Good stuff!

__pinaypower__ said...

honey, i feel ya on the "i wasted my precious 20s on a stupid guy"

don't let it get ya down. i tell myself i have plenty of time to do everything i wanted, and it will be much easier and worthwhile to do now that "he's" gone :)

good luck and have fun!