June 15, 2006
Matt Lauer Interviews Brittany Spears: A Review
Since I know that Troy is working late tonight, and doesn't have Tivo in his hotel room, I thought I would give him a review of the riveting interview tonight by Matt Lauer.
DISCLAIMER: I tried to write everything down verbatim, but I may have made some mistakes. Sometimes I was just laughing too hard to write it all down...and then when that milk came out my nose...oh, wait...sorry. But if I made a mistake, feel free to correct me. Additionally, if you are a Brittany fan I'm sorry. Not sorry about what I'm about to write, but just sorry that you're a fan. Anyway, for real though, please only take this is as seriously as Brittany did preparing for this interview.
Let me begin by saying that I don't heart Brittany. I've never owned one of her albums (although I was accused by my sister one time of stealing her album..."ummm...did you steal my Brittany Spears album?!?!" If you knew my sister you find that quite amusing....) At any rate, I just couldn't turn down the invite to change the channel when Kat called me to tell me that one of the most important events of this month, year, possibly century (okay...) was taking place.
I quickly turned the channel to NBC and was a little perplexed. I saw Matt, but who was that hag he was talking to? (Oops! did I just say that?) I mean, c'mon. He exclaimed early on in the interview that she was currently worth over $100 million. I could have dressed her, put makeup on her, and combed her hair for an easy $1,000. But instead, her publicist let her go on in the Cato special of the week, with her L'Oreal makeup, and Oops! she forgot to wash her hair again! (note: I shop at Cato and wear L'oreal makeup, so I'm not taking cheap shots at those who do...I'm taking a cheap shot at someone who is currently worth more than I'll ever make in my entire life.) And the chipped up nail polish??? I mean, girl, what are you doing with your millions????? That was a nice pink bra she had on too...and the sandals...I think I just bought the same pair from Burlington Shoes...I mean, all I'm saying is that if I was, oh say, doing an interview to try and salvage the trashy reputation that had recently come over me, I would really cover up the boobs, the thighs, and geez....not wear SO much eyeliner. If you didn't see it, she looked BAD! And I thought pregnancy was supposed to make you glow.
Recap of some witty things that Brittany said:
When discussing Kevin: "Everyone should be pro-love...I mean, love conquers all" (Really? Tell that to the Roman Empire...what, nevermind Brittany...)
On tabloids: "At the end of the day, they're just words" (No Brittany, at the end of the day they're still tabloids making you look like a trailer park diva)
On religion: "I mean I'm not a bible belt" (Really? I could have sworn that you were in fact a belt and not a pair of pants...)
On why she was crying in the restaurant after she tripped and almost dropped her baby on the sidewalk, commonly known as "Oops #3": "Because I was hungry and they were trying to take pictures of me" (Yes, girly, you just almost dropped your baby...again...get used to it...that's what happens when you are worth $100 million...and who cries because they are hungry????)
On why she thought that the tabloids wouldn't stop talking about her driving down the Pacific Coast highway with her baby in her lap: "Because I am this sweet, young girl" (You're not that innocent) Also, she said as she hunched over and pretended to be some driver with a hump on his back "I used to do that with my daddy...WE'RE COUNTRY"...(in this neck of the woods we call you redneck...)
On what she wants out of life: "I don't know what I'm here for...I'm searching just like you..." (that's so sweet)
On Kabalah: "Kabalah has codes and all but I don't believe in that anymore" (She just made Madonna MAD)
On why the Department of Family and Children Services were called to her house after her nanny dropped the baby on the floor and she had to go to the ER: "I mean, they didn't have to come. They told me they didn't want to. The doctor made them because I didn't have my doctor at the emergency room with me." (I've been to the emergency room a ton of times, but I don't ever recall my doctor going with me. Brittany, your doctor doesn't have to go with you to the ER. They have doctors there. That's why it's located in or around a HOSPITAL...silly girl)
Some additional observations:
When talking about her beloved Kevin and reported (false) marriage problems, she repeatedly looked down, away, anywhere but in Matt's eyes. Hey, when I'm lying I look away too.
She never referred to her child by his name...it was "my baby" this and "my baby" that...like I said earlier, she was ill prepared for this interview. someone should have told her the baby's name!
Sadly, I must report that she stated that it would be another year or two until she decided to pursue music again. She is thinking in the best interest of her children and wants to wait until they are grown up, because hey my sister and I were grown up at 1 and 3 years of age too!
Overall, I will have to say that Matt did a fabulous job. I would have had to stop the interview for falling out of my chair laughing at her. And poor Brittany, she just added more fuel to the fire by actually going through with that interview. I'm giving it a thumbs up for entertainment value, and hey, it was much better than studying!
I'll leave you with a timeless quote from Kevin Federline: "I've been paying for everything out of my pocket...EVERYTHING" (right...and I'm Brittany's biggest fan...)