January 04, 2006
Racing Mind, not Feet
I'm completely stressed out. I haven't been keeping up with my training like I should. I have pre-obligated myself to doing too much for other people. I'm at my whits end. I cried at work this morning (thank goodness no one saw me). Two of my family members were hospitalized in the last 3 days for unrelated illnesses. I am the only "reliable" one in my family. I can't say no. I want to crawl under my desk and cry some more. I want to get a tattoo on my forehead that says "if it doesn't involve t2, running, or someone dying, don't ask me for help". That might hurt. and I might get fired from my job. I've got so much on my plate between now and next Tuesday, it's ridiculous. And then I leave for a 7 week TDY. 7 freakin weeks. And I still haven't finished unpacking from the two places where my stuff is residing. I think I might be homeless...or have too many homes. I haven't decided yet. And kat's shower is Sunday. And I haven't begun to think about flower arrangements (except that I need to do that). And I have a relay for life meeting tomorrow, for which i'm not prepared. And 2006 relay kickoff is Monday, and i'm really really not prepared for that. Oh and I have to pack. And work between now and then. And i haven't paid my bills, not because i don't have the money, but just because i haven't had the time to sit down and write a check or two. But, that's okay because the bank called me today to remind me to do that. at work. nice. and i have a conference call at 3:30, which is when i was going to go run. it better not take long. and i haven't talked to my little in a couple of weeks...oh, and i just remembered that i'll be gone for 7 weeks so when will i see her? and when will i even see her to tell her that i will be gone for 7 weeks. i'm a bad mentor. and my mom is sick. and it breaks my heart to see her heart breaking. and i just want everyone to be happy and not so rushed so that i'm happy and not so rushed. i just want to run 18 miles this week and it's wednesday and i haven't done squat. because i've spent all my "free" time at the hospital. i just want to say screw it. there is someone out there who will pick up the slack. i know there is. cause i'm that person right now. and i'm tired. i'm so so tired. i just want a break. a mental break from it all. no phone, no email, no face-to-face contact with anyone (except t2, but that was understood) and i just want to run my little heart out. and that's it. for just one day.