December 07, 2005

Mind over Matter

I'm glad and not so glad to be back after my almost 2 week hiatus. North Carolina was beautiful, cold, and fun all rolled up into one very long weekend. I actually got to run in the foothills of the NC mountains. And it was freakin cold. But it was fun. And t-squared went with me, so that was fun as well.

Okay, so I'm lying. I'm just going to lay it on the line....The running and the fact that it was with T-squared was fun, but I got really discouraged. There were several hills and it was cold and I was having trouble breathing and then that whole mind over matter thing know that thing where you start thinking about his ex-girlfriend and how athletic she is and how many triatholons she's been in and how t-squared made a comment that maybe one day I can run faster than her and how much I should have run over her that day that I saw her jogging and she was crossing the street right in front of me...and man, I had the chance...but my security clearance...oh, and the fact that I don't think I would get to run in pretty places anymore if I went to jail for running over her and then I'm completely stressed and out of breath and can't run anymore....that mind over matter thing happened. And I wanted to cry. I just wanted T to run really fast ahead of me so that he wouldn't see me cry or walk or lay down on the ground and pound my fists. (okay, so I made the last one up...I don't pound my fists). Well, this has turned into a longer than I expected story but when we got back to his mom's house I told him that I got discouraged and that I was just being a silly girl and I just felt like sometimes that she was better than me because she can run farther and faster than me. And then like a story out of a fairy tale he started telling about all of her imperfections. That she was an athlete because it was the only she could control, and that she was bulimic (?sp), and that if she stopped running she would get fat. And I felt better.

And I got a renewed sense about myself and realized that i am not running to control anything and that if i stopped i would probably not get fat and that i like to keep my food so i would never become bulimic. And that I am just running for me. Not to be faster than anyone or better than anyone, just to run and finish that race. That's it.

And then I came back and went to San Antonio for a week and had to run on a treadmill which I absolutely hated (any advice on how to not hate that????)

Now, I'm back. And I ran 4 miles last night. And I was glad. And it was cold. And I'm so glad that I'm doing this for me.

PS I hope I get a heart rate monitor for Christmas...hint hint....


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