MY SUGAR-FREE STINT....

So, I lasted about 10 days.

I rolled off the wagon, down four flights of stairs, and across into an abyss of chocolate covered cookies, hershey kiss pretzel m&m thingys, candied pecans, chocolate cake, ice cream, and.....

That's where this blog post ends...and I go eat the rest of those pretzel m&m thingys in the kitchen.

I just discovered that one cute little 13 month old hit the "turn off wireless" button on my laptop while I was typing this really long and eloquent post. And I lost everything except those first two lines.

So, I'm off the wagon. I'm frustrated. And I'm going to find some chocolate.

In the meantime, who wants to come over and show my toddler that since she's got $12,000 worth of toys in our living room, she does NOT need to play with my computer????

AMY'S RUNNING LIFE - THE SUGAR FREE VERSION

Honey baked ham, chocolate covered pecans, whole wheat bread, blueberry Greek yogurt, granola bars, coleslaw, fudge, white chocolate covered pretzels, Ritz crackers, fried apples, blueberry muffins, tuna salad, Doritos, pretty much anything from Panera bread, cupcakes, salad dressing, gum, and cereal....

This is just a small list of the things I've turned down over the last 5 days.

Because they contained sugar.

Six days ago I told Troy that I was going to give up sugar in the New Year. He didn't have to ask "why?" He knows all too well what my addiction to the sweet stuff is all about. As a matter of fact, he's even coined a term - "my second pocket" - that's the place where all the desserts go when I'm too full to finish a meal, but not too full to have dessert.

This is not my first sugar-free stint. I've thrown around the idea a few times at the New Year, Lent, three months before bathing suit season, etc. Give up sugar for a few weeks, and then reintroduce it in moderate amounts...as idealistic as that sounds, it's not something I'm capable of. I usually make it about four hours after declaring a sugar-fast...and then I convince myself that this is too impossible of a task...too monumental for me to take on at the time...I tell myself "I'll just workout more."

But, really, it's not about losing weight for me.

I've been on a sugar-binge for the last 20 years or so. Other then gaining 55 pounds while I was pregnant, I've been blessed with the ability to eat whatever I want while my weight only fluctuates a few pounds up or down. So, really, this is not about losing weight.

It's about Brenna. And my new life as a role-model for her. I've been really cautious to make sure her sugar intake comes from fruits and other natural sources. She didn't even have any sugar in her first birthday cake (it was sweetened with applesauce). I just don't want her to struggle with sugar like I have.

And then I saw this video: I Ate All of Your Candy

And I got really really scared.

I mean, how did these kids get to this level? These parents seem like good people....they seem like parents similar to Troy and I. Could my kid be like this one day? Could she be truly upset, even hysterical...because her candy is gone?

It gave me a wake up call.

Like I said, I want to live a life of being a role-model for Brenna....I know I won't do everything right (did you hear she ate coffee grounds out of the trash can yesterday?) but I want to do the best job possible. It's MY job (and Troy's, as well) to make sure she has everything she needs, that she learns right from wrong, and that she takes her health seriously. And if it's my job to do those things, shouldn't I start by doing them myself???

So, I gave up sugar. Not as a New Year's "resolution" and not in an attempt to have "moderate" sugar intake (would anyone suggest that I become a smoker again, but just in "moderation?"). I'm giving it up because it's bad for me (it's bad for you too) and I don't need it. It's just that plain and simple.

Actually, it's plain but not that simple. I am ASTONISHED at the amount of things that have sugar in them. It's in EVERYTHING. And even some things that used to be sugar-free (Jif's Creamy Natural Peanut Butter), now have sugar in them. So, I have to read the label on EVERYTHING. I've had to ask my in-laws about the ingredients in the chili they cooked...in the cornbread...in the spaghetti. Troy got the ingredients "binder" from the management at Panera so I could figure out what I could eat (and it will never be a bagel again...). I've had to take my salad, dressing-free. I've been eating the worst tasting loaf bread on the planet (sorry Ezekiel 7 Grain Sprouts). Eating that stuff may make me never eat bread again. I've had to switch to the runny natural peanut butter. I even made a tuna fish sandwich yesterday out of Ezekiel bread, tuna (plain...no mayo), and a melted piece of provolone cheese. It was so awful, that I couldn't even finish it.

I've lost 2 pounds according to the scale. And my grocery bill will be shrinking as my list of "approved" foods gets smaller and smaller. Our budget for restaurants will probably shrink as well, because it's just easier to prepare a healthy and sugar-free meal at home.

And Brenna will never know the difference. Sure, eventually, she will figure out that her friends drink Coke and sweet tea and have ice cream 3 times a week. But, hopefully we will mold her to have enough self-esteem to make wise choices...to learn what moderation is all about (Troy will be a great example to her on this) and to be able to just say "no thanks. I don't like sugar."

I hope that some day I will be able to tell her about the "day I gave up sugar." It might not be as gut-wrenching as walking up a hill...three miles...in the snow...to get to school everyday, or as awe-inspiring as completing an IronMan event...but I will be able to say I did it for her. And for me. And for the rest of our lives.

So, what are you giving up this New Year? What changes are you making in your life? Or what changes have you made in the past that were the best decisions you ever made?

Happy New Year!

LET'S BE HONEST HERE....

I've not been doing a lot of running lately. That's been pretty evident by my running log (I would be surprised if I hit 250 miles this entire year) and my lack of blogging (I tend to only think of things to blog about when I'm running).

I've analyzed, scrutinized, and just plain pondered about this. And the only thing I can come up with is that I lack the extra time it takes to get myself out there.

For example, yesterday, I began my day at 5:30am doing the WOD (workout of the day) at our local CrossFit. Then I headed home, showered, made breakfast and lunches for my two favorite people, did two loads of laundry, and unloaded the dishwasher - all before B even got up at 9 am (and for the record, no, she doesn't normally sleep that late but she's been battling an ear infection - that we had been blaming on jet lag - for 5 days). Got B off to MMO (mother's morning out), then headed to UHaul to pick up moving boxes (yes, our house is going back on the market), to the ghetto mall to pick up two Christmas gifts, the post office to mail birthday thank you cards (yes, the little rugrat turned ONE last week) and some really late Christmas cards. From there, I picked B back up, took her home, fed her and myself, put her down for a nap and commenced to cleaning out two closets - and a book shelf - and did 3 more loads of laundry. B got up from her nap, we went to the doctor where we found out she has had a raging ear infection (it was a well-visit gone awry...). Off to the pharmacy to pick up B's antibiotics...from there I headed home to get dinner ready. I prepared dinner, fed the rugrat and then gave her a bath. By now, it's 7pm. I cleaned up the kitchen, put said baby (I guess "toddler" is in order these days) down for the night and T and I had dinner ourselves. This was at 8:30.

I had intentions of running an easy 30 minutes because T was supposed to be home earlier than 8:00pm. But, work is important and I will never blame him for going out to kill something and dragging it home...even if it is at 8pm.

This is a normal day for me. I'm pretty certain with everyone's hectic schedules, I'm not alone in this. But, what do other people do? I could have skipped CrossFit at 5:30 but really, I'm actually enjoying it and am excited about the strength I feel from doing it. Besides, I'm not willing to run in the dark by myself - well, not around here, anyway.

I'm starting to wonder if I should just hang up running for a while...find some activities that are a little easier to manage around my schedule. I'm sure things will change, but for now, my windows of exercise opportunity seem to be really early in the morning or really late in the evening. And you know what? I don't love running enough to make myself run on the treadmill every single day. I just don't.

I would be interested to hear your opinion, suggestions, advice, or any words of wisdom you might possess....

SAVANNAH HALF MARATHON

This time two years ago, I ran the half-marathon of my life...a nice PR of 1 hour 54 minutes and some change. This time yesterday, I was crossing the finish line of the most memorable half-marathon of my life....not the slowest, but not the fastest...but definitely the one I will never forget.

Let me preface this story with another story: when I was six months pregnant I thought it was a great idea to register for a marathon...the Savannah Rock n Roll Marathon to be specific. It was my body come-back plan. Train for a marathon and lose the 55 pounds I gained while I was preggo. Well, shortly after I had Brenna I lost the weight...without running. It just sort of happened. I tried to eat right, do a little Fit-Camp here and there, and on the occasion that I had nothing else to do, I'd run. Quickly, I realized that there was no way I was going to run the volume needed to complete a marathon and not have my legs fall off. So, I decided to "just do the half." That's what I kept saying..."I'm just doing the half...." like it was no big deal...

Because, really, I had convinced myself that if I could train and run a 1:54 half-marathon, then surely I could just go out and run a half-marathon when I had no time goal in mind.

At some point I convinced myself that I could also run said half-marathon by not training at all. Because, really, I've done it before...I can do it again, right?

Well, yes...and no...

It's true that I showed up for the race. And it is a fact that I finished. But, everything that happened in between...well, it was a comedy of errors...that seemed to get not-so-funny as the miles ticked by. I ran the race with my brother, Bryan. It was his first half-marathon and I really envisioned myself being his "coach." I'd talk him through the tough times and we'd laugh about silly things on the flat parts of the race. I'd convince him that he could do this and at the end we'd give each high fives and plan our next one. All that business about being his coach....first comedic event. He ACTUALLY trained for the race. As a matter of fact, barring a knee injury, he was prepared to run the entire marathon. His shortest mileage week leading up to the race was about 40 miles. 4-o-m-i-l-e-s. (It should be noted that I didn't even run 40 miles in an entire month this year.) In the end he turned out to be the coach, and rightfully so...he earned that distinction.

My second comedy of errors was the fact that I really didn't pack well for this race. I didn't bring gloves...the shorts I packed had never been tested in any run of distance...and the jacket that I donned...well, it's back at mile 2 somewhere...and it was not a "throw-away" running item. Actually, it was the first warm thing I purchased once I lost the baby weight. That jacket and I have seen some trying times, and it will be sorely missed...but that's what I get for not having a race plan. As far as gloves go, Coach Bryan was smart enough to bring two pairs...and those "not tested" running shorts will never be graced in a race again. At some point during mile 12 I really thought I probably had blood running down my legs from the awful havoc that was being wreaked on my inner thighs (yeah, I know...TMI).

Back to the race. Our corral finally got to the start line about 8 minutes after the official start of the race. I was excited and nervous and happy but still thinking with my Coach hat on....I was going to muster up the energy to get my brother though this thing!

It took me about 10 minutes and 18 seconds to realize I had made a huge mistake. We got to mile one and I felt awful. Everything from the tip of my Morton's toe to my hip flexors (both of them) were screaming in agony. I mean, really...places that I didn't even know could hurt, hurt. If I hadn't been running with Bryan, I think I would have turned around and headed back to the start.

It was that awful.

And I still had 12.1 miles to go.

I spent the next 10 miles trying to make the best of it. We stopped to walk twice, both times for 1/10 of a mile. Every time we would begin to run again, I wondered if my legs were going to make it any further. The pain would radiate from the inside of my feet, to my IT band area, to my hips, and then back to the bottom of my feet. I kept telling myself "I will n-e-v-e-r do this again." It didn't take long for the Coach role to be transferred to my brother. I beat myself up for a mile or so, feeling like I had let him down. I was supposed to be the motivating factor in this run! But, at that point, I'm not even sure I smiled for any camera shots and my "thank yous" to the volunteers were just mutters under my breath...

By the time we got to mile 11, I was toast. I could feel myself slowing down and there was nothing inside of me that could make my legs turnover faster. I told Bryan to go on ahead...I didn't want to spoil his race. He stuck by me, encouraging me and reminding me that we were almost done.

Mile 12 was the most painful thing I've ever done (remember that I had a c-section with Brenna, so I can't use the old adage of childbirth being painful..if only I had of had that morphine pump for this race!!!!).

I never want to revisit that mile 12 again. It was at that point that I realized I could have been in serious trouble. If there had of been one little obstacle in my way...a large rock...a piece of wood....an ink pen...I would have been flat on my face because there was no way I could make a sudden movement to dodge anything. Every part of my legs felt like they were crumbling underneath me. We also were getting past by the 1st, 2nd and 3rd place marathoners at this point...which did absolutely nothing for my confidence level.

We finally rounded the corner to see the finish line. I wanted to sprint so badly....my brain kept telling my legs to go...go...go...but my legs were rebellious. They just kept saying "screw you and your not training for this thing!" We finally crossed the finish line in 2 hours 21 minutes and some change.

It was over. Finally. I remembered to give Bryan the mandatory high-five. Heck, he really deserved a big sweaty hug for pushing me through this thing! We grabbed our water...and Cytomax...and fruit cup...and banana...and marathon bar...and bagel...and spoon...oh, and our medals too. I wish I had a picture of my loot. I grabbed some of everything even though I didn't even have the energy to peel my banana. I guess, in my cheapskateness, I thought I've paid for all of this, I'm going to take advantage of it.

And then...out of nowhere, I saw Troy & Brenna. She was in a backpack-type carrier and through the crowd, she saw us...she kept waving - and looking a little confused - but still waving. It made me want to cry...to see what I had accomplished...what I was capable of...and what I would never ever do again....

I'm back home now...rested...jogged and walked a three mile recovery this morning. Actually, planning my next race...the one I plan on training for! And I promise I will never ever ever ever ever try to run a distance event again without putting some thought into training!!

Thanks to Troy for taking care of Brenna (oh, side note: runners are noisy folks at 4am...loved the baby waking up in the hotel room for all the commotion going on outside of our door)...thanks to Bryan for pulling me through this...thanks to Run Coach for calling me like it is - I'm a knucklehead...

Ummm...wow...so I didn't mean to take 2 whole months off.

Actually, I meant to throw in the towel altogether on this blogging thing - motherhood is calling for me to give up a few things - until I walked into the church nursery this morning and one of Brenna's caretakers said "hey, so I'm running alot now...like 6 miles yesterday and I was trying to find out what I should be doing...and hey, I stumbled across your blog."

Seriously, every time I consider shutting this thing down...someone tells me they've discovered my blog. Every. Single. Time. It's just weird.

So, what have I been doing for the last 2 months? Well, in no order of importance my life can be summed up like this:

- Cleaning up poopy diapers
- Cleaning up poop on B's clothes
- Cleaning up poop that transferred from B's clothes to mine
- Cleaning up poop off of my favorite $9 watch (only after I retrieved it from the trashcan...so frustrated with the amount of poop I deal with that I figured it was easier to throw the watch away then clean up more POOP)

I know, people...it's an exciting life I lead.

Running has been...well, as existent as it has been since I found out I was pregnant...which is pretty non-existent. Funny thing is, I'm still signed up for that marathon in 3 weeks. I've decided to back down to the half...and I think I've run a total of 13.1 miles in the last 3 months. Sad, isn't it?

I'm just bored with it. I don't know why. I'm reading a book about such things, and have decided that it's time to try something new.

So, I'm hiring a nanny that will have the sole job of changing poopy diapers (just don't tell Troy, okay?)

No, really, I've decided to give triathlon a whirl. Yeah, yeah...I know I don't know how to swim...or even like it for that matter. But, I'm hoping the whole "I hope I don't drown on an open-water swim" will be just the challenge I need to get my fitness kick started again.

I'm also thinking about doing some sort of body cleanse. No, not in the colonic sort of cleansing way...I've just felt so craptastic the last few weeks and I'm wondering if any of it has to do with my diet. I feel like I need a reset and maybe a 21 day cleanse will do the trick. So, if you have any suggestions on that sort of thing, shoot me an email.

So, there you have it...being a mom (and oh, yes, loving every minute of it!) and pretty much nothing else.

Hmmm...maybe next time I decide to post, I'll have something more interesting to say!

HOW TO NOT TRAIN FOR A MARATHON...BUT RUN ONE ANYWAY

It's become quite a comedy around here...this marathon training and all...if you want to call it that.

Well, what do you call it when the marathon is in 3 months and it's been almost 2 weeks since you've run? Is that still called training? Or is it called a death wish? 26.2 miles all in one day...I think that was about what I ran all of last month.

I should have let Karate Girl write this blog post...she's a queen of showing up to run a marathon on little or no training. I think the "little or no training" is actually part of her training program. And it works...she finishes every time.

For me, though? I know exactly what my problem is. I know I will be running this entire thing with my brother...I also know what pace we will be running it at...and I know that I can do that on little or no training. I think that's what most people call "being a slacker." I have never been a slacker in my entire life...and I really think trying to run 26.2 miles slightly under prepared is not the time to start seeing what it feels like to be a slacker.

On the other hand, I tell myself (often) to give me a break. Like I said, I've never slacked on anything in my life...but I have convinced myself that this running gig is something that I can slack on because 1) I know I can do it regardless of how unprepared I am and 2) I'm sort of enjoying being a renegade - could I possibly be motivated to be a slacker? I mean, Mrs. Straight-laced, do everything the right way, in the order it should be done, with extreme perfection - well, it's a little liberating to think "I haven't run a long run in over 2 weeks...and I don't really care." 3) and please don't kill me on this one...but I've actually lost more weight in the last two weeks then I have all summer (and it's real live fat, not muscle)...really - could the key to losing weight be to just not run at all? That's doubtful and I'm sure you coaches out there will have a reasonable explanation for the weight loss sans exercise - but for me? Now? Well, it's almost like having my cake, eating it, not exercising, AND not feeling guilty about it. If that's not motivation to not run...well, then I don't know what is.

Maybe I just needed a break...another really long break. Or maybe I need a new sport. For all the running that I don't do, I truly do love it. There is nothing finer then a good long run...sweat drenched...legs aching...a big glass of chocolate milk...really, there are few things that are better. So, I know - thinking about how much I do enjoy it - that I'll get those running legs back one of these days. If not today, certainly by November 7 when I'll be forced to put on my happy face and just run.

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REVIEW: FlashBrite Reflective Stick-On Patches - It's all about Safety

I was recently contacted by John from FlashBrite Reflective Patches about doing a product review. Since I haven't really been running much, much less in the dark, I decided to give the product to Stacy - the Director of Ops at our business. The reason she works for us (besides being so awesome) is that she gets up at 4am most mornings to get her run in. She's a machine. A machine I wish I was sometimes...at any rate, she kindly took the request and began wearing the patches on her reflective vest/gun holster (I just added that last part in - because really...you don't want to mess with Stacy on her morning run). She wore them for a month or so on her reflective vest and really liked them. Said that they worked very well when she encountered oncoming traffic - and that they worked better than her vest. They truly were visible from 1000 feet away, as their website indicated. Unfortunately, they washed off when she washed the vest - but at a retail price of $3.99 (she sampled the dog prints patches) - it would be worth it to purchase a new set every month. Your safety is worth $50 a year, right?? Check out their website www.flashbriteinc.com or their blog at http://blog.flashbriteinc.com.

END OF AN ERA....

Life has changed quite a bit since the little munchkin arrived. Most everybody said it would, but no one could have prepared me for the sheer magnitude of change coming my way.

Did I ever mention that I hate change?

Oh well, life has been GREAT the last 8 months. And a little rocky. I've been trying to figure out what I'm doing, when I'm supposed to do it, and how it's going to get done...for the last 8 months...it's tiring just thinking about all the thinking I've been doing.

A few things that haven't been getting done: blogging, running, showing up at races, cleaning my house, spending time with my husband without talking about A) work or B) how I can't get anything done.

A few things that have been getting done: teaching a cute little baby how to eat, speak, roll over, crawl (that one hasn't happened yet), be a good citizen, and how to smile at everyone she meets; jogging (which is different then running); changing poopy diapers; and on occasion, making sure my husband has breakfast and/or lunch and/or dinner.

I've finally decided that I'm not super-woman...despite what I've led you to believe...I just can't do it all...and do it all to my high standards. And I'm willing to compromise on doing things, but not willing to compromise doing them all the way, and right, on the first try.

So, what I have I done to become less Super-Womanish?

I hired a cleaning service. As I type I can smell the fresh, fresh scent of a clean house wafting it's way to the basement. I love to clean, don't get me wrong, but if I can't do it all - the right way - then I'd just assume farm it out to someone who wants to get paid to do it the right way.

I emailed the Track Club and told them I didn't want to be the Treasurer anymore after this year. I've already received one email pleading with me to change my mind. I figured that would happen...I'm just that good...okay, maybe not that "good"...maybe more like "no one else wants the job." Which is funny to me because honestly, it's the easiest job in the world (and I'm not just saying that because I want a replacement.) I mean, really, it's writing checks - making deposits - and entering it all into Quickbooks. There are the budgets, but they are just based on the prior year, so really it's just plugging numbers in on a spreadsheet. The most time consuming task is the annual tax return...again, just plugging numbers. So, that was my sales pitch. I hope it works on someone because after three years of doing this, I'm ready to move on!

I've decided to stop worrying about how many miles I rack up this year, how fast (0r slow) I run, and how many races I attend. I just don't care about all of that anymore (I know...gasp!). I'm having fun training for this marathon with my brother. It will be his first and it's exciting to see him excited about it. I remember that excitement for the first marathon like it was yesterday. I wish every race felt like that! Unfortunately, I'm not able to keep up with our rigorous training schedule. Some days Brenna will nap and I can get a run in, and others...well, it just doesn't happen. I'm tired of beating myself up about it and just run when I can, at the pace that feels comfortable, and just enjoy the run.

I thought about giving up this blog. And I'm not totally over the fence on that one. Seeing as how I'm not participating with Team POD anymore, how I'm not really running anything extraordinary, and how I just really could care less for having a competitive spirit...well, all of that leaves little to blog about.

Our business is busy - we hired two new people just last week. That's a great thing...but we are still busy and the business will always be time consuming - that's the nature of working for yourself. And I'm totally okay with that. I like to work hard. There is nothing in that arena that I want to, or need to, give up.

I'm just ready to move on to new things in my life...with my family...making lasting memories by spending quality time together...all three of us...I'm ready to stop making every day so dang busy. I guess, for lack of a less cheesy term, I'm happy that this is an end of one era of my life!

FEAR OF RUNNING

I am typically not fearful of running...I mean, I don't like running in the dark, mainly because of what I'm afraid I might step on (ie, a snake). So, my traditional time that I love to run is early morning...just as the sun is coming up...while everyone else is still asleep or just waking to get ready for their day. That's my time and I've come to really love it.

Until this happened.

It has rocked our small town and shaken everyone with a heart to their very core.

Now, let me be upfront. Our little, quaint town has a crime problem. I'm not going to deny that. Burglaries, robberies, and even murders are a daily occurrence here. And while I always took necessary precautions when I was running (ie, don't mess me with me unless you'd like to be maced with a heavy dose of bear spray, or if a bullet to the chest sounds like fun to you...well, you get where I'm going with that). I was never really too fearful of our crime problem because 99% of it occurs in areas that I wouldn't run, much less drive during day light hours. It's typically peer violence...men and women brought up in broken homes with no real role models. Boys and girls who get involved in drugs at a young age, have babies at an even younger age...and again, no real role models to get themselves out of this cycle of crime and poverty. Your town has those areas, and so does ours.

But, this crime? Those apartments that they found parts of her body at? Yeah, I ran past that apartment complex twice on the Monday between the time she last talked to friends and family and the actual discovery of her body. TWICE people. And on a typical week, I'd run by it at least FOUR times. I mean, this is my regular running area. It's so peaceful in the morning hours...traffic is light...sidewalks abound...the views of the historic homes, the Law School, and finally when I crest Coleman Hill...I take a deep breath and enjoy a gorgeous view of the city, and the rising sun, and I've even stopped for a quick prayer...discovering that route, well, it's been one of the best things I've done for myself lately...and after I take it all in...reminding myself of how blessed I am, how great life is, and how wonderful a good run feels...well, then I descend the Hill to land right in front of these apartments.

It has shaken me beyond what I ever imagined. I know the family has so many questions. I can't even begin to imagine what they are going through. According to all accounts, she was a bright, energetic young woman with a future ahead of her that most people just dream about.

And that makes this whole situation even scarier. There are no motives. The police are being very vague. While there are "persons of interest," there are no suspects. Heck, they haven't even located whatever body parts were missing. Until the police make an arrest, I won't be running down there. Or anywhere in this town by myself. It just scares me to think that there might be another Ted Bundy or Charles Manson out there and that he or she might be lurking in the shadows of my small town.

So, until an arrest is made...a motive established...I think I'll just choose the treadmill in the quaintness of my basement for my solo runs....I'll continue praying for some sort of healing for her family and friends. I'll continue to pray that our police department, working night and day on this case, will have some leads, establish a motive, and make an arrest. And I'll continue to pray that this sort of thing doesn't happen to anyone else.

BACK TO MARATHONING...OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT...

Well, I hit a new PR (personal record) for days without posting to my blog...30+...a new record. While I'd like to be ashamed of it, I really could give a hoot less. I've been busy peeps. Chasing after a baby who constantly demands my attention, getting a little bit of work done here and there for our business, and trying to run on a semi-consistent basis...well, it all keeps me pretty overwhelmed. I had to come to the beach just to get an opportunity to update this blog!

Oh, and I know!

I just said "RUN."

It's true. I've become much more consistent in my running these days, even logging as many as 4 runs per week. I know...it's small, but it's a start. My hope this week is to get it to 5 days a week and stay there. Forever. I will never take time off for running again. Unless I'm medically required to do so. Or I find something I like better than running that still allows me to eat German chocolate cupcakes and not gain any extra weight.

And....drumroll please...

I decided to run the full marathon in November, as opposed to the half. "Why?" you might ask? Well, because I come from this long line of people who do what they say they are going to do. I'm also just OCD enough that it will drive me nuts that I planned for the full and didn't do it. In other words, I want to be able to mark "run another marathon" off of my list of things to do. I'd also like to mark "run another marathon AND have a PR" off my list. And really, if I average a mere 11 minute pace, well that little PR dream will become a reality.

Oh, and I told my brother I'd run it with him and that would be very uncool if I backed out on him.

Now to the "how" part of this marathon training. It's going to suck...I won't lie about that. It will consist of alot (okay, all) runs done at the butt-crack of dawn...ie, 5am or earlier. Yeah, sounds like loads of fun, huh???? I've been practicing for the last few weeks, running all of my runs while everyone else (including my husband and child) are sound asleep...still having visions of sugar plums in their heads. But, it works for me. I've been able to be nothing, if not consistent. And really, there is something magical about running at the wee hours of dawn.

Okay, that's all you get for now. Brenna is up from her morning nap and we have a date with the beach!

BTW, it's my birthday so I expect you all to have a GREAT day!

NOTE TO SELF

For some reason I don't feel like running very much. I'm not entirely sure why. I'm still exercising and loving getting back to FitCamp...but running...yeah, not so much. Maybe it's because my options are to run pushing the stroller or run at the butt-crack of dawn on the treadmill. Neither of those are very exciting. It's been tougher than I thought it was going to be...with having a husband who may start work at 9am one day and 6am the next...and evenings...well, completely unpredictable. Today, his schedule has him down to finish his last appointment around 4pm...but that didn't take into account the 4 hour repair that he needed to do because our route technicians couldn't get to it time. So now he'll be home sometime after dark.

I'm not complaining.

Just saying that it's alot harder than I thought it was going to be.

And that, for a change, is all I have to say.

CHANGE OF PLANS....

My, my how time flies….I’m five months into this Mommy-gig and I still haven’t gotten it together (note: while I’m very aware that it might take me 18 years to get into a routine, I’m going to be in denial about that for as long as I can get away with it.)

I keep telling myself that I will get it together once I get my priorities straight and shed some things from my to-do list. When I think about shedding those “to-dos”, sadly, my blog always seems to be on the chopping block. I tell myself “why bother? No one wants to keep up with someone who is only blogging – at best – once a month!” And then…then…I run into some random person…some person who I would never ever begin to think that they read my blog…and they say it…”I just love reading your blog!” Or, even better, when I get friended by some celebrity (to me) on Facebook…and I know…the only way she found me was through my blog….well, peeps, that’s when I realize blogging has got to become a priority again…right there under “change Brenna’s diapers.”

Well, maybe not that high on the priority list….

When I was planning my post-baby weight loss schedule (you know there is one, right???) I decided running a marathon would be the PERFECT way to get my body back. I had a couple of people (okay, maybe one…maybe KURT) tell me that it might not be possible to get all those miles in and take care of a baby. I thought to myself “he obviously doesn’t know me that well!” I mean, really? I’ve got a great, athletic husband who is completely supportive of my running endevours…I’ve got a great group of friends who are lining up to push the stroller for me…and I’ve got DISCPLINE. Who does he think he’s talking to????

Well, Kurt – you obviously know me better than I know myself. Because, guess what? Regardless of having this fabulously organized life, I still haven’t been able to make a 90 minute run happen.

I’ve realized pretty quickly that Brenna’s threshold for being in the stroller is about an hour. I’ve also realized that my ability to push the stroller (and still maintain something less than a “hunch-back” form) lasts for about 45 minutes. I could run at 5am before Brenna gets up but then there’s that whole safety factor (and all those people lining up to push the stroller are NOT lining up to run with me at 5am). I could run on the treadmill in the basement…but…oh my…I’d rather have my toenails surgically removed with no anesthia then to run on that thing for longer than an hour.

What to do…what to do.

Well, first I’m going to celebrate the fact that while my body is not necessarily shaped like it was pre-Brenna, I am officially at my preggo-starting weight* CELEBRATE!!!! It took me exactly 5 months. And I didn’t have to run a marathon to do it. (*I gained five pounds after coming off of half-marathon training in late 2009, so I really started the preggo business at a +5 on my normal and comfortable weight…and that +5 has to go along with the rest of the baby fat.)

So, while I didn’t have to run a full marathon to do it, I DID have to run consistently and start a regular regimen of Pain of Cain (PoC). Actually, once I started running “regularly” and got back into regular PoC, I shed four pounds in five days. Yeah, I know…don’t hate me because my body responds to sweat and hardwork.

At any rate, I am really going somewhere with all of this (if you haven’t already figured it out by now). Since I realized that I CAN lose the weight and get into shape WITHOUT running another marathon…well, I’m bailing on the full marathon in November. I know. I know. I was supposed to be some sort of role model for other would-be marathoners…and I’m not saying I won’t ever run another one again. I think I’ll just wait until Brenna gets in school and I will have a little bit more “me” time. I feel really bad for all those people I convinced, coerced,, who decided a marathon was an attainable goal for them and that I may or may not have said I’d run with them. But, when they cross the finish line I WILL be there to cheer them on because I’m not bailing on the whole thing…oh no…my obsessive compulsive disorder wouldn’t let me throw the entire thing out the window…so, instead I’ll be running “just the half”. All 13.1 miles of it. And because Team POD doesn’t do anything lightly, I’m planning on a big PR. Like shaving whole minutes off of my previous time of 1 hour 54 minutes.

So, there you have it…getting my priorities straight…realizing my limits…and backing out of unreasonable goals I’ve set for myself.

Now, if I could only figure out how to back out of the things I must do, but don’t really want to…like laundry…changing poopy diapers…putting gas in my car….well, then I’d be in business!

WITH DISCIPLINE, THERE IS NO NEED FOR MOTIVATION

I have been asked quite a bit lately how I got my running legs back...how I shed some (not all) of my baby pounds...and how I make time in my busy day for exercise.

I usually start my answer with a laugh...because if they really knew how unmotivated I am - most days - they wouldn't have turned to me for a response. After I gain my composure, I usually fess up that I'm really unmotivated and it takes every inch of my being to make myself put on my running shoes and get out there. I always think honesty is the best policy, even if it does make me look like a lazy sack of potatoes. Every person who has asked me about this has been really surprised to hear that I'm unmotivated. I guess I give off this vibe that I eat, sleep, and dream in my running shoes.

Just for the record - I don't sleep in my shoes but I do dream about them alot.

RC's philosophy on motivation, and more importantly, discipline, can be summed up in one of his famous quotes. He's got a lot of them...some are great - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"...and some...well, some make me feel like kicking him in the shin. For example, "you make time for the things that are important to you." He uses that one when he hears someone (usually me) complaining about not having enough time to run. To him, and Team POD, making time to run is done because it's important to the runner. If you polled all the members of Team POD, I bet most would say they run for the fun of the competition (even if they are only competing with themselves) or the fun of accomplishing a lifelong dream of running a marathon, posting a personal record at a specific distance, or beating their husband/wife/son/best friend/etc at a local race. Team POD eats, sleeps and dreams about the importance of running. Because they make the time for it (because it's important to them), it becomes a more of a matter of routine and discipline and less of a matter of being motivated to do it.

It didn't dawned on me until last night (after having yet ANOTHER conversation with Troy about how I can't get everything done that I want to), that if you have discipline, motivation is not issue. In other words, you don't have to be motivated to do something if you are disciplined to make it a part of your routine. So, all those times I wanted to kick RC in the shin for saying his famous statement (and once, I wanted to kick Marcus in the shin for repeating it to me), I should have been REALLY listening to what he had to say, rather than just taking the statement at face value.

Because have you met me before? I am one of the most disciplined people I've ever met. I know that's not the most humbling statement that has every come out of my mouth, but it's the truth - and I take great pride in it. When I was studying for the CPA exam, I got my rear end up every morning at 4am to study for three hours before going to work. When I was in grad school, I did the same thing. When I decided to be done with debt, I cut my spending to next to nothing to get it done quickly and painlessly. When I decided to run a marathon before my 30th birthday, I put together a schedule and did it - even with having no prior running experience.

I truly love the fact that I am disciplined. Because of my discipline I have been able to accomplish alot of things that I might otherwise just dream about (as a side note: I'm not a "dreamer"...if I'm going to daydream about something, it's going to be something practical, like how I would have our home remodeled if it doesn't sell.)

At any rate, my point here (and don't you love that I'm actually getting to a POINT) is that I shouldn't have any trouble making time for running in my everyday life. I've been totally over thinking it...thinking that motivation comes from "enjoying" running rather than accepting the fact that motivation comes from being disciplined - and subsequently when you're disciplined to accomplish a task there is much enjoyment from succeeding at it!

Holy cow - how come I didn't think of this before?

So, now we've established the fact that I'm disciplined. But how do I fit running into my daily schedule? I've got this whole new job called being a "mommy" that monopolized most of my day. In addition to that, I've still got my other jobs - being a wife, cooking dinner, being the CFO for our personal and business lives, doing laundry, being the treasurer for our local track club and our local Komen affiliate, spending time with family and friends...the list could go on.

I know I hate running in the morning. Besides the fact that I'm scared to run in the dark, I'm much better at using my morning hours for business related things. I hate running in the evening - see the whole bit about running in the dark - add in the fact that I'm exhausted by 6 or 7pm. So, it looks like I'm more of a mid-day runner. Which sucks equally as much as the morning or the evening because...hello...have you ever been in Georgia during mid-day? Can you say "100% humidity?" But, what doesn't kill me will make me stronger....or at the very least running in Saharan-like temps will make me skinnier.

So, from this day forward I'm going to make running mid-day a part of my routine...just like taking a shower, flossing my teeth, feeding the baby at regular intervals, and eating dinner. Even if it's hot. Even if it's raining (hello, I have a treadmill in the basement). Even if it sucks.

And the next time someone asks me how I can be so motivated to run everyday - well, I'll tell them it's not the motivation you are looking for...it's the discipline to do the things you enjoy that you're after.

BABY FAT

How come when you talk about "baby fat" on an infant it's cute and cuddly and super-sweet, but when it's in reference to the post-baby pudge I'm carrying around it's suddenly gross and unflattering? Making "baby fat" cute on an adult...now there's a task.

On the subject of post-baby pudge, I'd like to publicly cuss Bethany Frankel. Love her show...really, I do...but it's when I find out that my dear husband was watching an episode yesterday...and it just happens to be the episode where she's parading around in her bra and some jeans...and then he has the NERVE to say "wow, I was watching this show earlier and she was chest-bumping some girl in her bra...and did you know that she just had a baby too? And did you know that she doesn't look like she just had a baby? Actually, she doesn't look like she could have ever been pregnant?"

*Side note: Troy might not have said that word-for-word, but you get my point. I get in trouble for "exaggerating" but I can assure you he DID say she looked like she had never been pregnant at all. I assure you.

At any rate, it took everything I had to not haul off and hit him. He should be thankful that he went to cut the grass and gave me a good two hours to cool off...on the treadmill...for five miles.

*Another side note: it doesn't take me two hours to run five miles...geez, give me some credit - I'm not that slow! I changed baby, fed baby, and gave her her pacifier 47 times in the process.

So, this whole "Bethany looks like she's never had a baby" thing has really got me thinking. How did she do it in such a short amount of time? Did she workout 8 hours a day and starve herself in the mix? She's been quoted in the media as "eating in moderation"...in other words, she says she has her cakes and french fries and lattes, and eats them too. But how can you get so dang skinny and still eat that crap???? I just can't figure it out...and it's driving me bananas.

I have to be honest: I'm not complaining. I've dropped 33 pounds in three months. And I've not really "given it my all" in the diet and exercise department. Truthfully, if I had of only gained the "recommended 25-35 pounds" I'd be a lot closer to my goal weight...but then I wouldn't have been able to sample every type of cupcake Fountain of Juice makes, now would I?

But I'm just curious - how did Bethany do it?

I know I've not got much more to go. Again, not complaining here...just an observation from a post-partum Mommy who REFUSES to spend another dime on clothing that may be one or two sizes bigger then everything I already own.

BRENNA'S FIRST 5K

I'm never going to get back to this regular blogging thing...ugh....how do you people do it ALL?????

Well, aside from my inability to find any sort of routine in this new life, I have been running...inconsistently...but running nonetheless. Let me rephrase that...I've been doing more of jog-half-walk-sometimes-bolting-into-a-sprint-only-to-realize-that-I'm-really-out-shape sort of running. But, as my waist can attest, the little bit that I'm doing is working.

I finally found a jog stroller that I like...that I like enough to jog with a 2 month old anyway. Don't even get me started on how many there are to choose from, which features are handy and useful, and which features are just really lame (really? four cup holders on a jog stroller?). At any rate, I settled on a Baby Trend mainly because it has an infant carrier insert that Brenna can sit in until she's big enough to not slip out of the bottom...and well, in case she hasn't figured it out yet, she's probably not going to be a really big baby. Ever.

With new jog stroller in hand I began going to the track or the River Walk a couple of days a week. Brenna loves it. She gets to experience fresh air, look at the sky, and as far as she can tell - Mommy can run fast.

It didn't take me long to decide to enter a road race. I mean, heck, the last race I entered it took me almost 50 minutes to waddle my way to the finish line. Surely, I could finish this one faster than that....and I'd get props for pushing that stroller, right? So, with my common sense flush in my back pocket, I decided to run the Al Toll Memorial 5k.

I just forgot to tell myself about this big hill....



(Thanks Jacqueline Hunsicker)

Yeah, I know...I'm an idiot sometimes. But, since I had already started the race when I remembered that I would be pushing a 15lb stroller and an 11lb kid up that hill, I couldn't turn around. Well, actually, the thought did cross my mind...who would have the audacity to say something to the new Mom who bit off more than she could chew?

Oh, RC...yeah, he would totally have the audacity to say something to me.

So, on I pressed. My goal (at the beginning) was to maintain a 165 heart rate. Quickly I realized that it would be 5pm before I finished at that rate, so I said "screw the heart rate" and just ran...err jogged...err walked alot.

The important thing? I finished. If there was a stroller division (and I'm totally an advocate of adding this to EVERY race), I would have been first. And if I had of run 1 minute faster, we would have gotten 3rd for my age group. Bummer.

Time? A sweeping 37:08. Yeah, I know. Give me a break.

THIS BLOG POST IS DEDICATED TO....

- Graco: for making a monitor that enables me to be in the basement on the treadmill while Brenna is fast asleep two stories up.
- Troy: for giving me some of his old running shorts that were too small for him, but conveniently fit my rather large rear end.
- Amanda and Rex: for convincing me that I would really really really be glad that I had a treadmill once the baby got here.
- VH1: for actually playing music videos in the morning...despite the fact that I hadn't heard of any of the bands playing.
- Dick's Sporting Goods: for selling Troy the floor model treadmill...which meant he got a good deal...which meant he was very happy.
- Brenna: for getting on a normal schedule - 10am to 5am - and then going right back to sleep after her 5am feeding, which gave me enough time to run three miles AND take a shower.

Yes, you read that last part correctly...I finally...after what feels like an eternity...ran three whole miles without stopping. As a matter of fact, I actually sped up jogging at a brisk 10 minute pace by the time it was all said and done. Yeah, I know...it's baby steps people...baby steps.

I started running the very day my doctor released me to "do whatever my little heart desired." That was two weeks ago this Thursday. So far, I've logged 25 miles since I've been back...although they all were part run - part walk. Until today, that is....

The first day was miserable. Ironically, it wasn't my lungs (or my incision area - surprisingly I haven't felt an ounce of pain or even discomfort there)...no, it was these legs that feel like bricks. It was awful. I think I would have felt better crawling. But, because I'm hard headed...I trudged on. The second day, I had company to run with (thanks Marcus!), and while he never said anything, I think he too was surprised at how out of shape I was. I could barely jog a half mile before I'd have to stop and walk. And from there, I've just kept at it. Re-learning how to turn these heavy heavy legs over...knowing that eventually they will be back in shape and this will all just be a short nightmare.

At my heaviest I was carrying around 45 extra pounds. Right now, I've got 11 more to go before I'm back to my pre-Brenna weight. Every day I see my body changing....some parts morphing back to what they were...others...well...now I know why plastic surgery is so popular! I'm ready to see that magic number on the scale...but more importantly, I'm ready to see that magic number on my Garmin...the one that says I just PR'ed on a 5k...or the one that says I just ran 12 miles...or the one that says that my heart is not in fact over 180....

I am pleased with my progress. I really hadn't expected to be able to run three solid miles for several more weeks! I've got a little ways to go...I didn't lose this fitness overnight and I certainly don't expect to gain it back in one short day.

Welcome back Grasshopper! Welcome back!


(My mom taught her how to suck her thumb this morning! Given the fact that she wakes herself up by spitting her pacifier out, I'm totally okay with her learning how to suck her thumb!)

SHE HAS FINALLY ARRIVED!

Okay, well she got here almost a week ago...but good grief this parenthood thing makes you busy!

I'm not sure if you want the long version or the short, so I'll post the short-long and include some pictures at the end...your reward for making it through the entire blog post (and yes, I'm completely aware that most of you will still just scroll to the bottom first.)

At any rate, after 39 long weeks of feeling like a blimp, I was getting pretty excited about this whole natural childbirth thing. Troy and I had been diligent in our classes, in our exercises, and in reading every single book about natural childbirth that we could get our hands on! We were beyond prepared.

So, it was pretty surprising to us last Wednesday, at our very LAST visit to the high-risk-specialist-from-hell (can I say that here?), when he announced: "Oh, you're 39 weeks! It's time to be induced!" This was right after he came in the room, looked right at me and said "What are you here for today? Someone said you have questions for me?" He was such an ass. I'm sorry, but there is no other way to portray his attitude that day then to call it like I see it (so sorry blogger police.)

At any rate, back to "induction." He went on to explain that I needed to have an induction because I needed to deliver during the day, during the week, when all of the specialists who might need to be working my situation would be there.

Here's the thing about being induced: it involves Pitocin - the one thing that we were trying to avoid giving to our new baby. Additionally, we had already decided that if I had to go the induction route (because I was like 50 weeks pregnant, not because I just wanted to get the pregnancy over with), that I would go the full-fledged drug-induced route with an epidural. We'd read enough to know that Pitocin would make my contractions unbearable, and I mean, I'm tough....just not that tough.

So, Troy looks at satan-doctor and states that we had been planning for months to have a natural delivery. I was still too much in shock to say anything...all I could think was "why didn't you tell us this six months ago????" Satan-doc tells Troy that basically we can do whatever we want to but his recommendation is to be induced. Oh, and because he'd be out of town Friday through Sunday, I needed to be induced.....today.

WTF?

We left being completely confused but knew that we had an appointment with my midwife the next day and we'd figure it all out. In the meantime, we decided to call our pediatrician because really, my health was not our main concern. The health of this new baby and the consequences of being born (ie, what sort of testing needed to be ordered on her upon arrival) were our main concern...and since satan-doctor told us "once you have this baby, you're not my problem anymore" we figured that maybe the pediatrician would give us a better recommendation on whether an induction was necessary or not.

Side note: I LOVE our pediatrician and her office staff. I'm so glad we picked her.

Pediatrician said yes, she would like to see me be induced as well so that she would be on call when the baby was born. Okay, we trust what she says.

The next day we went to visit the midwife and explained what had been going on. She was, needless to say, a little pissed. The specialist, in all of his notes to her, never mentioned an induction. She checked me, said I wasn't ready to give birth to this baby, and that if she induced me I could possibly be in labor for 3 or 4 days.

You see being in labor for 3 or 4 days is a problem. Not because, wow, that would suck...but because the MAIN concern with this baby being born was that the platlet condition that I have could cause her to have a cranial hemmorage prior to birth. Of course, there were other things to worry about post-birth, but the main thing...preventing a brain bleed. The midwife was very concerned that 3 or 4 days of being stuck in the birth canal could cause that hemmorage.

Our options: go to Atlanta and get a 2nd opinion on the induction, take our chances and just go with the natural birth, or have a c-section.

We weighed all of our options and decided that the one option that would 1) make sure everyone who needed to be there, would be there and 2) prevent a cranial hemmorage would be to have a c-section.

So, with that our plans drastically changed. We ran home and tried to cram for the c-section test...and pack...and notify our families...and make sure the room was ready...and try not to panic.

At 8am on Friday we arrived at the hospital, greeted by both of our mom's. They prepped me for the surgery and by 9:30 I was back in the OR. A nervous wreck.

I won't go into the details of being in surgery. It was scary and cool and I am so glad that Troy documented the entire thing with pictures. Yes, they let him take pictures of me being cut open and them pulling our little bundle of joy out. He loves that sort of thing.

At 10:01am, Miss Brenna Sophia Tarpley entered this world. Kicking and screaming and really really mad that we had disrupted her sleep.

We stayed in the hospital for 2 1/2 days, mainly to make sure that she was able to have all of the testing that she needed....which...drum roll please....all came back perfectly OKAY.

Thank GOD. I will every day for the rest of my life.

So, now we are back home. Having a c-section sort of sucks especially since we live in a 3 story house and I'm not supposed to walk up and down stairs. But, we've camped out in the living room and I am feel so incredibly blessed to be able to spend every day...every moment...taking care of this little girl. No one could have explained to me how complete I was going to feel when she got here. I finally feel like I know what my purpose in life is.

Okay, since you made it all the way to the end of this post I will reward you with some pictures of our little girl. Just a warning...the last picture is a surgery picture...if you get grossed out easily you may not want to look at it...but, I promise for those of you who do look at it, you will see something quite cool.

Enjoy!

Brenna Sophia Tarpley



Brenna and her Daddy...running on zero hours of sleep (him, not her).



The happy family headed home (and yes, all those fluids they gave me plumped me up like a big balloon!)


Brenna and her Gei


Okay, this is way cool...look right under the doc's hand...

THE BIG DAY

Sorry I've been MIA for a while...I've realized that I'm only a good blogger when I'm running. Thank goodness I'll be back to running in 6 weeks!

Tomorrow we have a scheduled c-section. That's a slight departure from our original plan of 100% natural childbirth. I mean, really, Troy and I have spent many many hours in classes, reading books, and practicing exercises for natural childbirth....only to be notified yesterday that I need to be induced because of the complications of NAIT. It's a really long story and I still feel like punching the perinatologist in the mouth, so I'll wait until next week to tell the whole story.

Sometime before lunch tomorrow we will officially become parents of Brenna NMI Tarpley.

And yes, sometime before lunch tomorrow we will officially decide on a middle name.

Until next time....

35 WEEKS AND STILL COUNTING

Four weeks is entirely too long to go without a blog post. Troy even told me last night that he thought I was done with it since it's been so long since I updated. Sorry about that. Life happens, and as usual, I'm not good at juggling it all.

I was one of the featured pregnant women in a story our local paper did last week: Great Expectations. I'd say that I definitely had some great expectations going into this pregnancy....for example,

1. I wasn't going to gain more than the recommended 25-35 pounds.
2. I was going to continue to run until the doctor said I had to report to the hospital for delivery.
3. I was going to take up swimming, do it consistently, and like it.
4. I wasn't going to succumb to any crazy cravings or indulgences.
5. I'd keep up my normal routine of day-to-day activities, and not get tired.
6. I wasn't going to complain about anything.

I'm sure there are more, but those are the ones that are most prevalent on my brain (side note: there is entirely too much that is prevalent in my brain these days...as I get closer to the big day, I realize that I have some serious information overload.)

At any rate, back to the article. I'm not sure why I agreed to talk to the reporter. I knew I wasn't going to be able to lie about my eating habits, my exercise habits, and my general laziness. So, I just outed myself to my entire community. And you know what? It actually felt good. It felt good to say "yes, I know I should do more but gosh darnit I'm tired." It also felt good to be honest. Really honest. Because I was led to believe that just because I can run a marathon, I'm going to breeze through pregnancy fat-free. Yeah, well, that didn't happen. I've now got cellulite in places that I never thought cellulite could exist. Every time I go to the doctor, she looks at me like I'm crazy, asking me if I've been on vacation over the last 2 weeks due to my weight increase. It's just this never-ending (okay, that's a little dramatic) cycle of more pounds and less exercise.

But, I wouldn't trade being pregnant for anything. The amazement of watching that little squirmy girl move back and forth, well...that just makes it all worth it.

So, while I officially weigh more than my husband, I'm totally okay with it. I know I will shed it on the flip side due to my diligence of exercise (when I'm not tired), and the miracle of breast feeding (or at least I'm told that that will help shed the pounds as well.)

Well, that's it for 35 weeks. I'm off to have a melt-down...just found out that the doctor who has my lab test results is on vacation for another week and the cleaning service that I contacted to come mop my floors and clean my toilets has yet to show up (they were supposed to be here over 2 hours ago). I feel like calling both of them and saying "I'm following through on this whole pregnancy job, now why can't you follow through on your job???"

31 WEEKS (AND COUNTING)

I have no idea how that woman on TV has had the desire to be pregnant 19 times. It boggles me that it doesn't bother her that 19 times in her life she hasn't been able to put socks on correctly, tie her shoes, pick up a fork she dropped on the floor, dust the baseboards, or push a grocery cart without her belly constantly bumping into the handles. Oh wait...she's got 19 kids to do all of that stuff for her...maybe she is smarter than me!

At any rate, while I'd like Brenna to stay in there and cook for 9 more weeks, I can't lie...being pregnant is getting old. People keep telling me that they "LOVED" being pregnant - and I just keep looking at them like they've got a third eye. Back pain, a certain someone having the hiccups for 30 minutes on end (yes, it feels as weird as it sounds), lack of sleep, weird dreams, not being able to bend over, not being able to touch my toes (although I can still see them!), having to wear not-so-cute clothes all the time...well, it just gets to be a drag after about 30 weeks. And I still have 9 more to go...and I hear it gets worse (of course that was from the same mom's who gushed about how much they "loved" [insert high pitched voice] being pregnant.)

And I miss running. Actually, I miss exercise period. I don't have much energy these days and 20 minutes on the treadmill seems like an eternity at a 20 minute pace. I'm tired of being slow. I want to walk fast, run fast, and be able to do a squat without wondering if I'm going to be able to get back up. I'm trying to do something every day...whether it's walking, stretches, or lifting light weights. And yet, my body continues to morph into this land of cellulite...why didn't anyone warn me that this was going to happen??? I will have to say that I am happy that (so far) I've been able to thwart the double chin and the cankles...but I know they are coming. I told Troy that last night. I thought he was going to pee on himself every time I said "cankle." I'm not sure if it was the sight of his wife with puffy toes and no bones showing her in my feet, or if it was the fact that I was eating chocolate cake while I was telling him all of this.

Now don't get me wrong. I have enjoyed walking by a full-length mirror and catching a glimpse of my protruding belly and thinking "wow, I can't believe we were able to do this." I do love the fact that there is one cute little girl cooking in there. I do love the fact that she moves around ALOT and has the hiccups ALOT...both are supposed to be good signs of healthy growth. And I do love the fact that I can now decipher between a head, a rear end, a foot, and a back bone. Being pregnant, as annoying as it may be sometimes, is amazing. And I wouldn't change it.

I tell people all the time "I have nothing to complain about, but I find alot to complain about." It's the truth. I've no sickness, a few headaches, some back pain, and no swelling. While I've had to deal with that crazy genetic stuff, so far it's all come back good (2 more tests to go!). So, really, in the scheme of things, I'll take crooked socks (it's the only way I can get them on) over being sick or in alot of pain.

We took our first birthing classes Monday night - it was an ironic way to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary, but interesting nonetheless. We learned about the stages of labor and Troy had ALOT of questions...mostly humorous, because that's how he rolls (I hope Brenna gets his sense of humor). I'm doing the natural childbirth route and before you tell me how painful and awful your labor was, I'll kindly ask you to save it for someone who definitely wants to go the epidural route. I've had alot of people look at me (or tell me) that I'm crazy for doing it. Why would I put myself through so much pain when I don't have to. My answer: "because I can." I've never been much of a medicine taker. I'll tough out a headache for days before I pop a tylenol. I don't take cold medicine unless I can't get out of bed. I've never taken a flu shot (until they required that I do it this year). Heck, I don't even like to swallow pills. And I just think "why would I bring Brenna into this world medicated (because she gets everything I get), when I don't even like medicating myself?" It's my first official act of putting this baby girl before me and my wants or desires. We are going through classes this month to prepare us for what lies ahead, and I spend about one hour a day reviewing books, listening to lectures, and prepping myself for how I'm going to handle each stage of labor. It's really like preparing for my first marathon. I have no idea if my plan will work, but I know my plan will get me to the end. I've got a GREAT coach (Troy) and plenty of willingness to learn everything I can between now and December 16 (or whenever she decides to get her). Because of that, I know I will be successful.

29 WEEKS

This week I'm brave enough to post pictures of the protrusion we call "Brenna", for the whole world to see (the other 500 of you on my Facebook have already been poking your eyes out with toothpicks to get away from my bare belly pics)....at any rate, I'm braving this new world of impending motherhood and showing you pictures of my wide, white belly. I should have gotten some sun before I got pregnant. That's all I need to say about that.

I'm migrating into 29 weeks this week and still feeling great. Just ridiculous sleepiness at 3pm and ridiculous restlessness at 3am. Can't wait until I actually have something to do at 3am!

Saturday morning I watched two episodes of Jersey Shore at 3am, and then on Sunday I felt so guilty for watching that crap that I watched two episodes of Three's Company while I walked on the treadmill...at 4am. I forgot how funny Jack, Janet, Mr. Roper, Larry and Chrissy were (even though one of the episodes was where Cindy showed up to take Chrissy's place). Anyway, it was a great way to pass the time and I got some exercise to boot.

Her room is almost ready. My husband, the perfectionist, insists on 47 coats of paint on everything. There will be NO brush marks in his painting jobs! Honestly, I'm glad he's that concerned because if it were me I would have put a coat of Kilz on everything and called it the "white wash" look. Her room is looking great. A few more touches and it will be ready for her...or ready for me...because, really, is she ever going to know what her nursery looked like?

I'm really just ready for her to get here. I'm way too impatient. I've enjoyed being pregnant, but I'm really ready to get this show on the road...ready to start my new life...ready to stop stressing about things that don't matter (I don't know for a fact that I'll stop stressing about stupid things but I've been told by every mom I know that my priorities will definitely change -and I'm ready for that!)

And really, I'm ready to get back to running. I ran on the treadmill last week just to see what it was like. And it was EXACTLY as I had remembered...just much much slower. Of course, I ended up with some weird belly pain by the end of the day so I decided that I wouldn't let myself run again until after she gets here. No sense in putting either of us at risk because I'm feeling selfish. But, that doesn't stop me from thinking about it each and every day....or getting up from the sofa when I see a runner blazing past our house.

It doesn't help at all that I'm just getting wider and wider and there's really nothing I can do about it. My midwife told me last week that she figured I'd gain more weight than I wanted because my amount of physical activity has decreased so much. I'm still walking, lifting weights, etc but, in my opinion, nothing compares to running 40 miles a week...nothing.

So, without further ado - my big, white belly......